How often have we heard “the devil made me do it”? In actual fact we make choices and sometimes we regret these choices and find it necessary to blame others in order to save face. This is especially the case when the consequences are not wanted. No one can make us feel anything we don’t want to – we allow them to make us feel in a certain way.
At the end of the year, for the festivities there are many family gatherings. Relatives get together to celebrate and have fun. Sometimes this is a wonderful experience and at other times the unintended happens with arguments and hurt feelings. The success of family gatherings depends on the members of each family and how important it is for them to strengthen family ties. When people can put principles above personalities they can enjoy fulfilling relationships in their families and can spend enjoyable get togethers. Instead of becoming offended about something it’s better to ask “how important is it?” and let go of the hurt.
Remembering our history and that we are a country which has its foundation in the Christian faith, means that Christmas has been a huge festive event. Now that our society is multi-cultural it’s important that community education raises awareness to other cultures’ festive days too. Government claiming fairer treatment across all religions and rationalising expenses need not have reduced the city Christmas decorations. Such action is not good for our reputation here and overseas. Even if a portion of the community is secular there still needs to be a splash at Christmas especially in each major city, as in the past. So government funds need to be allocated accordingly.
Christmas time can be exciting or upsetting or both. When there is enough money to pay the bills and to spend on presents and holiday activities most people find it exciting. On the other hand, a shortage of money to do those things can be somewhat depressing. Yet, regardless of their circumstances, people generally have managed to enjoy themselves at this time of the year. A deciding factor is also how a person experienced Christmas in their childhood. Some families with limited finances had a wonderful time at Christmas and learnt to laugh and enjoy the festivities which created happy memories for them. Others who were fortunate enough to have the money to shop and to perhaps go on holidays too, also have good memories. Then again those people who were unhappy as children remember the pain at Christmas, so for them it is an unhappy time which hopefully they try to grow out of in time. It’s heartening though to remember that there are many people who work together to make life better at Christmas for those who are not as fortunate as others and who need all the loving and caring they can get – financially and emotionally.
As a family therapist and as a woman, I am pleased to see the growing nurturing role of men in family relationships. A man nowadays does more than provide financial security and play with his children. Usually he takes more of an interest in the child’s choices in life and is more supportive of their achievements, apart from sport. A man is not ashamed to take on a more nurturing role which was once only attributable to a woman. Likewise, a woman has more of an active role in what was once considered only that of a man’s, so the sharing of responsibilities is both effective and welcomed for the progress of humanity. Therefore, male influence in the family can provide a more balanced foundation for childrearing.
Bill Dueease in the U.S. made a helpful comment regarding my post on soulmate. So I am showing it here to respond to it and to draw attention to his website too. As you can see this is a tried and true method of relationship building and finding the person most suited to our needs and therefore making life less of a struggle.
Your point about making a list of all aspects of your ideal mate and your story example ring very true. We have found that people will not know who their ideal mate would be, even if they met them, until they search themselves to discover all of the aspects of their potential ideal mate first. These clearly include the potential negative aspects they want to avoid.
Successful relationships can take place between people who are not soulmates. This is because soulmates can sometimes be just good friends. Nevertheless, when a loving relationship involves a lover who is also a soulmate then it is considered by some to be ideal. So if you’re searching for the ideal partner make a list of all the pros and cons of such a person – it is important to show both what you want and what you don’t want in a relationship. In doing that you raise your awareness of the type of person that will suit you best. Everything in life needs a blueprint and likewise relationships do too. Make sure that you are meticulous in making your list and then affirm it by thinking positive about finding your soulmate and life partner.
As a feminist, I am glad that the women’s movement has advanced the status of women, even though there’s much more to be done. Nevertheless, I have noticed that the male identity suffers through this process of achieving equality. Many men have become over cautious at being light hearted with women because they fear allegations of sexual harassment. Yet many women miss the harmless flirtations that took place between men and women. In becoming politically correct, rightfully so, perhaps we have thrown out the ‘baby with the bathwater’. In time, these men will feel safe to use respectful flirtation with women.
Those people who are dedicated parents provide a nurturing, caring environment for their children. They teach how to live a full life by being responsible and yet funloving.? ? Such parents are also aware of the need for their children to be independent and some day move away from home to make their own way in life.? Although the ‘empty nest’ syndrome is known by the majority of society, we do not fully understand the extent of that experience. It’s not just your children leaving home and experiencing the loss of their presence, it is more than that. It is a case of truly letting go as you watch your adult children take care of business the way they wish and sometimes that can mean that parents disapprove of the choices their offspring make and/or feel somewhat abandoned by them. It is far better for parents to remember how they behaved at the same life stages as their adult children and then it is easier to understand.
Some of us do not believe in organised religion but nevertheless are spiritual. Spirituality can mean many things. Participating in music, dance, art, meditation, giving service and/or belonging to a specific community are all ways of being spiritual. This is apart from belonging to an organised religion which can also be positive. Spirituality is important to our wellbeing and serenity, teaching us how to develop healthy relationships.