Parents have the responsibility to provide a safe and nurturing environment for their children. Being a role model for a loving relationship is both satisfying for the parents and rewarding for the children because it helps them all live a functional, healthy lifestyle. When children become adults it is important that parents learn how to let go and let their adult children get on with their lives. Parents can trust that their childrearing practices were beneficial and that their adult children will make the appropriate choices in life. Sometimes this parenting stage can be the most difficult part of all, because we need to observe and not interfere or make comments no matter how useful we think they may be. At such times our contributions can be perceived as criticisms or disapproval. What makes it difficult is that we need to then change the parenting role from one that’s based on responsibility and guidance to one based on validation and support.
Simone was concerned about her son who
was out of work and his marriage was suffering
she could not help herself and at the first opportunity
lost her cool and criticised Joseph in an attempt to
snap him out of his lethargy, or so she thought!
but her daughter-in-law, Sue, defended him
and what was intended to be a rescue mission
by a caring mother, then turned out to be a disaster
Joseph felt incompetent,
Sue became protective of her husband and
Simone was demoralised
it would have been more useful if Simone
kept her supportive parent role until
Joseph found himself again with the
support of his wife
3 responses to Adult children
@Robin: you are overlooking the vital point that no matter what she does, he in fact is allowing her to ruin her life and his. If he were smart about the situation, and valued his life and yours, and wanted to be truly helpful to her he would get professional help to guide him.
A man I care very much for is upset over the fact that his 20 yr old daughter is making bad choices, starting with her older boyfriend who does nothing to support her and the baby. She has made choices to do illegal, things that her boyfriend knew and let her do because he didn’t want to get caught doing them.
He feels that if him and the ex try to show that they can get along and work together that they can get her to realize she needs to not be with this man.
So even though he and his ex fight like cats and dogs,she comes and goes without notice our relationship is on hold. He feels and was the problem when they divorced and so now that she is totally irresponsible and going down hill he should be be there for her. He pays bills for her and holds back from developing our relationship because of guilt.
they were married 7yrs. and have been divorced for 10.
yrs. She was in a relationship for the last 10 years but continued to call on him when in trouble. I feel she keeps him emotionally held hostage with guilt and hopes of reuniting even after 10 yrs. There may be no hope for us,but it kills me to see him put his life on hold. how do I help him see the craziness in this? He is49 and missing out on life.
RY
Adult children
Correct. Everything we do, whether bad or not, right or wrong, became right in the eyes of our kids.
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