On Mother’s Day I again thought of my mother’s influence on me, even though she was tortured by untreated schizophrenia all her life,which I only found out about when she was in a nursing home, before her death 3 yrs ago.
showcase with Mum and Apollo’s ashes on top shelf.
Eugenia was a talented singer and very artistic with anything she attempted whether dressmaking, cooking, art/craft or gardening and so on , which was wasted because of her commitment to my loveable intellectually disabled brother (Apollon who died one year before her in 2012), for whom she felt she had to sacrifice her dreams. She and I were disappointed in each other but having realised the reason for her abusive behaviour at times (due to her condition) made my persistence to watch out for them worthwhile. Even though she continued to say insensitive things to me like Apollon was the centre of her life as she had no-one else to love and be loved by, I still visited them regularly to make sure it was known they had family who monitored how they were cared for. Mum had Dementia with Lewy bodies and towards the end even though it seemed that she may not understand, I told her that I was sorry, sorry for disappointing her and that she had been a good mother for Apollon and me. Then tears rolled out of her eyes and I couldn’t control mine. 😰 In that way I felt she died with good thoughts even though her abuse had left me with emotional scars.
So I’ve looked on the positive side and remembered the good influence she’s had on me: I’m self assured; preferring to be respectful and successful; community minded; animal loving; survival oriented; artistic and more, thanks to her as a role model. My loving father (who loved her to the end of his life), my late caring stepfather and my late adorable brother all influenced my positive survival thinking.
Apollon had the mind of a three year old and was very loveable with the ability to use words from 3 different languages but in the end he became blind, deaf and unable to speak. He died of a stroke due to severe epileptic seizures and Mum, because her advancing dementia, hardly understood he had died at 67yrs. I have Mum and Apollon’s ashes in my showcase.💞