Role models

Dad's Shoulder, photo by Joseph Zlomek, Pottstown, United States, loving parentSome people have had abusive parents as role models. Others have had one parent functional and the other dysfunctional. Unfortunately, there are those who have been abused and become abusers, mainly because they experienced how powerful induced fear was. The promising thing is that as we grow most of us learn to appreciate the healthy role models and mimic them in adulthood.

Nina was surprised that her mother’s abusive behaviour
hadn’t made her an emotional cripple, but remembered
that her father was a gentle, loving parent and
whenever she was tempted by her mother’s words
to believe that she was ugly and worthless
Nina would recall her father’s unconditional love
which gave her the confidence to make healthy choices
at times it took a lot of work to raise her self esteem
because her mother’s words would creep into
Nina’s thoughts unexpectedly, however
that was short lived as she developed the skills
to diffuse such thoughts by sending them
off into the universe in imaginary balloons

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Fathers

father and kids, photo by mario gonzaga, Bage, Brazil, smiling eyes Nowadays it seems that fathers are not credited for how important they are. Quite often people minimise how caring fathers are and it’s maintained that males are only interested in their work, mates, sport and sex and that they leave the family things to the women. Yet so many men make wonderful fathers and this is so important for their children.

my father was so reliable
not demonstrative with his affection but
I sensed he loved me by his caring ways
he worked hard to provide for us and
when my mother left he took on
both parenting roles
when he didn’t approve of something I did
he firmly but gently expressed it
when he was pleased his smiling eyes
were my reward
he died forty years ago and still I miss him

father and kids, photo by mario gonzaga, Bage, Brazil, http://www.sxc.hu/photo/473343

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Family Tree

metaphoto 2, photo by Anton Malan, Pretoria, South Africa, family treeHow important it is to know our family history. It contributes to the formation of our identity. A family tree shows where we came from and how special some of those ancestors are. With that also comes the odd relative who was not so great. You take the good with the bad and it helps to understood who you are. That’s what makes happy times. Have you got your family tree?

my cousins took the time to prepare our history
for future generations
one made a huge frame with family photos
which meant nothing without the
documentation made by the other cousin
and it helped me to remember what
my parents had told me and I learnt more
making me feel as though I found a gem
I spent some happy times and
melancholic nostalgia as
most have passed away
nevertheless reliving the history
with my family tree
has reminded me of happy times

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Don’t give up on love

Love photo by Ann-Kathrin Rehse, Göttingen, Germany happinessLove is our own emotion to do with as we please. We feel it for someone or we stop feeling that way. It is good when we love someone and it is painful when they stop loving us but they don’t take away the ability for us to love. It just causes us to withdraw for a while to heal our love wounds. Don’t give up on love when that happens because in time love blooms again and a powerful lesson is learnt too.

he loved her more than life itself
and would do anything for her to be happy
nevertheless it was not enough and she
left him stranded with the kids, toddlers at that!
then she returned only to leave again
this time with another in the middle of the night
she took one child and left the other
he was a good father as a sole parent
but he used to say “one life, one love”
and I would say “don’t give up on love”
one day he fell in love again
and how great it was to see his happiness

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the loss of a parent

It is a very sad moment when a parent dies, especially after appearing cheery on your last visit in hospital and they give you a warm hug. What makes it harder is if you had a good loving relationship and experienced unconditional love. The pain stays with us at different degrees for the rest of our lives.

You said “Mum’s gone” and burst into tears
I said “oh no, I’m so sorry for your loss”
we had hoped for more time
even though we both knew that it could happen
because she had been so sick,
it was still a shock and it threw me back
40 years ago when I lost my Dad
here I am up at 2a.m. thinking about
how much it hurts at the loss of a parent
my thoughts are with you at this
very sad time

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