emotional_trauma – Page 2 – Dr Affie Adagio

Addiction and anorexia

Much has been written about the effect that thin models and movie celebrities have on young women. In an effort to look like these role models young women develop eating disorders. Addiction and anorexia are the same condition. When a person suffers from anorexia it is on the same eating disorder continuum as compulsive overeating. Just as life threatening as other addictions anorexia results in a distorted perception. The afflicted person does not see themselves as being thin and continues to do without food in order to lose more weight.

she was such a loveable person and
so thoughtful too, not to mention how
talented she was in writing
poetry straight from the heart
however, she battled addiction and anorexia
she managed to become free of the heroin
but not of the need to avoid eating
no matter what she tried it worked only
for a short time and then she was back
to her old ways which eventually led her
to her heroin addiction and death from starvation
some more fortunate are rescued from this fate

New beginnings

When relationships end, either by death or divorce, part of the growth process is how we make new beginnings. We complete our grieving and only then can we accept that it’s over. Some decide to spend time alone to recover from their loss, while others search for a new relationship. Nevertheless, Life goes on and so do we, that’s the way it should be.

every other time he had gone after her
this time he waited for her to come back on her own
and she didn’t!
so he licked his emotional wounds and
got back up from the depths of his depression
“Life goes on” someone had said
and now it was the best thought
as he considered new beginnings
the future was more promising
last time I saw him he was smiling and his life
was so much brighter now
behold, photo by Arjun Chennu, Chennai, India, http://arjmage.blogspot.com

Grief

When we are faced with the death of a loved one the pain is deep. The shock can be so immense that we cannot believe it’s true. Sometimes even sorrow is buried by the shock. As time passes we adjust to the reality of the death and grief takes over. Then we flip back and forwards through those stages of shock, awareness of the reality, and grief peppered with attempts to justify our inability to have prevented this outcome. Finally with relief reality takes hold and we accept that we must give up and say goodbye.

last week a dear friend told me of the
loss of her friend as she mourned Verna
then at the beginning of this week we lost
another respected member of the community
Dr. John Hirshman A.M., such a loving friend
and today I found out that our closest friend Sally
was killed by a car on her way to work
all week I was sorrowful but today I kept repeating
“it’s unbelievable” realising that I will not see Sally again
such a heartbreaking week full of death and grief
it made me become aware of my mortality and
that of everyone else near and dear to me

center of a rose, photo by Jan Roger Johannesen, Trondheim, Norway, http://www.janroger.no

Passive Aggression

We all get angry but different people have different ways of behaving when they get angry. Some shout and others express themselves appropriately without throwing a tantrum. Then again there are those whose response is minimal but deep inside there is turmoil, so they withdraw. Nevertheless their behaviour shows they are unhappy and it is tense around them. That’s what is commonly known as passive aggression and not very helpful in a relationship. It is better for them and others that they at least attempt to express their feelings maturely rather than hold them inside which causes ill health, just as acting out angry behaviour aggressively also does.

for a long time she kept quiet when she was angry
that’s the way it had always been for her but
she had not realised that it was written on her face
all the frustration, the hurt and the pain
brought about by that anger
however it did not help in the long run even though she
had become good at passive aggression
as she practised a healthier way of communicating
she became more loveable and happier
only now and then she slipped back to the old ways
but at least nowadays it was for a shorter time because
she knew that it was so obviously
immature and unhealthy

Don’t give up on love

Love is our own emotion to do with as we please. We feel it for someone or we stop feeling that way. It is good when we love someone and it is painful when they stop loving us but they don’t take away the ability for us to love. It just causes us to withdraw for a while to heal our love wounds. Don’t give up on love when that happens because in time love blooms again and a powerful lesson is learnt too.

he loved her more than life itself
and would do anything for her to be happy
nevertheless it was not enough and she
left him stranded with the kids, toddlers at that!
then she returned only to leave again
this time with another in the middle of the night
she took one child and left the other
he was a good father as a sole parent
but he used to say “one life, one love”
and I would say “don’t give up on love”
one day he fell in love again
and how great it was to see his happiness

Befriending negative feelings

Some people think that we need to rid ourselves of negative feelings when in actual fact that would only result in pushing them down into the pressure cooker of our inner world. This will result in a volcanic eruption when we least expect it. More useful is befriending negative feelings and realising that they are valuable to us when we reframe them for a positive outcome.

negative feelings can be frightening
and she tried to bury them
feelings of anger, self pity, resentment
until someone pointed out that
befriending negative feelings turns them
into fuel for living a full happy life
they call that reframing the negative into a positive!
much better than when she used up all that energy
to bury them and they explode unexpectedly as well!

gasp as you photo by Kristen Handfield Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada http://sassmuffin.deviantart.com/

Sam’s loss

Sam commented on the loss of a love

The feeling of an immense loss is so hard to deal with. To be told that after 17 years that now nothing is left is shattering. No clue no hint it just is. Two children whose world has been ripped from under their feet. Security and protection is gone. How do I pull myself up from the biggest low I have felt in my life? Waiting for him to come back and say its alright I made a mistake. I want to feel anger, it would be easier to hate him, still loving him makes it so hard. I hate what he has done but I can’t hate him.

When Sam wrote about the betrayal she felt from the loss of her love of 17 years and how it affected the children too, my heart went out to her. We have all experienced betrayal – some of us not expecting it and others finding it the end of much misery. Nevertheless, we dream of the possibility of the offender returning and making a soulful remorseful apology. Unfortunately, waiting for the offender to come back and make us feel worthy is an unrealistic expectation because even if they do just that our worthiness needs to come from within not from them. Sam was wise to separate him from his behaviour and although she hated what he did, she did not hate him. In that way her self esteem is enhanced and she will have a faster recovery from her emotional trauma because it is not dependent on him.

When you came back and told me that
you had realised how much you loved me
and that you could not live without me
I was elated and believed you!
but although I forgave your indiscretion
I could not forget the trauma!
most importantly I found out that
I needed to believe in myself before
I could believe you!