Romantic trade-off

You&Me, photo by Valentina Jori, Roma, Italy, intimacy How many times have you been frustrated with your partner because you feel that you give and cannot get the same in return? Whether it has to do with the type of movie you want to see or what hobbies to share. This can affect your sex life too because the partner who feels less powerful in the relationship can lose their sex drive and can appear to be with-holding that pleasure. Of course, communicating your innermost concerns is a tricky task for some. An effective way to right this imbalance is to use a romantic trade-off. The couple can sit and work out what each one feels is missing in their relationship and then agree to trade-off one requirement for another. In that way there is a fairness to the process which results in greater intimacy. Sometimes this is done with the help of a therapist.

Susie was a sexy, sensual woman when
they first got together
that’s one of the characteristics that
attracted Bob to her
then after awhile that changed drastically
Bob had wondered what had caused that
was she no longer attracted to him?
when they came to see me we looked at
what worked and what didn’t and
some of their needs and wants were negotiated
for a romantic trade-off which satisfied both
not all requirements were resolved but at least
they agreed to disagree, for now

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Flirting and seduction

Flirting Swans, photo by Jenny W., Honolulu, Hawaii, nature's loveWhen people first meet, they spend all their time involved with flirting and seduction. That’s what keeps their passion alive. It’s understandable that in time the passion will cool and usually a truer love will grow because nothing stays the same. Nevertheless, it’s so important for the relationship when the flirting is maintained as a ritual, because it keeps love alive, stopping people from becoming too serious.

they noticed that it had been awhile since they
had chuckled, teased, flirted and joked a little
then it became apparent that they hadn’t had
such a great time in a long time, so
they made an agreement to include flirting in
a part of each day to develop the art
rightfully so, not only did they get better at it
but it was such a boost for their relationship
something so simple yet so effective.

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Birthday celebration

Circle of Love, photo by Lioness 65, Frankfurt, Germany, family meetingWhen a family meets for the birthday celebration of another family member it is, indeed, a special day. The food is familiar, the presents are enjoyable and everyone enjoys touching base with family. In this day and age everyone is so busy and it is days like this that brings everyone together. For a few hours there is a circle of love, usually, together with laughter and fun.

today was my 13 year old granddaughter’s birthday
and Gaby had requested that it be a
birthday celebration with her extended family
so there were 20 people present and
there was laughter and fun and delicious food
on another day she will celebrate with her friends
how enjoyable it was today as we all came together
and spent a lighthearted celebration with her
she loved opening her gifts and especially
playing with her cousins all at once

Circle of Love, photo by Lioness 65, Frankfurt, Germany, family meeting

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Chocolate highs

Hearts, photo by Stephen Gibson, Sydney Australia,  chocolate thrillsMost of us have heard about surveys that showed when we eat chocolate we get the same high as being in love. That is why we love chocolate. Eating chocolate releases endorphins which make us feel contented and happy. That’s quite harmless as long as we don’t do it to excess (addiction) and as long as we stay aware of our true feelings which will only become troublesome if we do not acknowledge them.

at the age of 11 my father married again
I was happy to have a stepmother and step siblings
family was important in my worldview and since
my mother left us taking my brother with her
I missed having my brother close but I didn’t miss
my mother’s screaming and abusive behaviours
my stepmother was a nurse’s aide and she
taught me how to keep a spotless house and
cook and wash and iron all the family’s clothes
she said I would always appreciate this in life
I don’t think she would be happy to hear that
thanks to that hard work when I married I
used to hire people to do my ironing and vacuuming
anyway, the best thing I remember about her is
that on Sunday mornings we used to all get into
bed together just long enough to eat some chocolate
she taught us how to suck the chocolate to make it last
and to really enjoy the taste – delaying gratification
now and then that’s how I still eat chocolate but
I can do that because I’m not addicted to chocolate

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Relationship dance

Light dance 2, photo by Audrey Johnson, United States, healthy loveResearch has shown that in a roomful of people we unconsciously choose a person who will do a relationship dance with us which suites our present need. That need can be healthy or not, a happy one or full of misery – depending on our self esteem level. There may be unfinished business with our parents and we choose someone to be attracted to who will give us the opportunity to resolve those issues.

Although we know that it’s not good to
fall in love with someone who reminds us
of one of our parents, nevertheless,
it happens so often unknowingly
the relationship dance that follows
can make us or break us
all in the name of being in love
her first husband reminded her of
her charismatic neurotic mother
whilst her second husband reminded her
of her gentle dignified father
neither marriages turned out
no wonder, but she resolved many issues
and said that perhaps her third marriage
will have a better outcome

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Nothing stays the same

Roller Coaster Series 3, photo by Marc Gerardi, Nth Eastern United States, ups and downsLife is sometimes fun, sometimes difficult, sometimes easy, and above all fulfilling when we make choices that are beneficial for ourselves and for those we have dealings with. The times that we feel devastated can soon be matched by the moments of bliss that come just as unexpectedly. What makes the difference? Life is a force of it’s own and no matter what happens regardless of the ups and downs of living…Life goes on. It is important to remember that nothing stays the same. When things are bad it’s best to remember that the situation will improve and when things are good it’s also necessary to remember that things can change so be prepared.

as things improved she tried
to make a mental note of this
so that next time things looked bad
it would be more hopeful to
think that there was a light
at the end of the tunnel which
was not an oncoming train
and she also made a mental note of
enjoying the moment whilst she had it
cause nothing stays the same
so it’s best to be prepared for
the ups and downs of Life

Roller Coaster Series 3, photo by Marc Gerardi, Nth Eastern United States, ups and downs

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