soulmate

Response to soulmate notion

Bill Dueease in the U.S. made a helpful comment regarding my post on soulmate. So I am showing it here to respond to it and to draw attention to his website too. As you can see this is a tried and true method of relationship building and finding the person most suited to our needs and therefore making life less of a struggle.

Your point about making a list of all aspects of your ideal mate and your story example ring very true. We have found that people will not know who their ideal mate would be, even if they met them, until they search themselves to discover all of the aspects of their potential ideal mate first. These clearly include the potential negative aspects they want to avoid.

Keep up the good work and spread the word that people can find their ideal mate, if they take the time and energy to look within themselves to discover whom that might be first.

Making a list of the things you like and dislike about a loving relationship is not a new discovery and it has been proven to work. Have fun doing it and benefiting from the outcome.

Successful relationships can take place between people who are not soulmates. This is because soulmates can sometimes be just good friends. Nevertheless, when a loving relationship involves a lover who is also a soulmate then it is considered by some to be ideal. So if you’re searching for the ideal partner make a list of all the pros and cons of such a person – it is important to show both what you want and what you don’t want in a relationship. In doing that you raise your awareness of the type of person that will suit you best. Everything in life needs a blueprint and likewise relationships do too. Make sure that you are meticulous in making your list and then affirm it by thinking positive about finding your soulmate and life partner.

he had been unlucky in his choice of partners
someone who had appeared to be a soulmate
turned out to be codependent hell
he wanted to stop repeating this mistake
his life coach suggested he make a written list
of the likes and dislikes he had about
a future loving relationship
she said it was a phenomenon that worked
but she stressed that he make sure he
does not leave anything out from the list
he laughed because he thought it stupid
but he did it because she’d been right before
about some important things
not long after he found his wife and soulmate
and ten years later they have a life
he wouldn’t have believed was possible
children, security, love, fun and
above all sanity and serenity

Amor junto al río, photo by Hernan Herrero, Capital Federal, Argentina

13th Step love

People who find recovery from addictions in a 12 Step program create close loving friendships together, which is the basis for this fellowship. It’s known that some members also find a soulmate or life partner in the 12 Step fellowship, when both partners have a strong recovery and are ready for an intimate relationship. In such cases a life partnership is rewarding because they share a way of life which they understand and which enhances their recovery choices. However, people need to be vigilant about 13th Step love. That’s what they call it when someone who is experienced with the 12 Step program gets involved with a member in recovery who is vulnerable and who is usually a new member (also see my other posts on the 13th Step which is the unofficial term for this involvement).

he resisted his feelings about her because
she was new in recovery and he was her guide
he had many years in the 12 Step fellowship
and was grateful for the sanity and serenity he had
but he was fooled about her level of recovery
because it was not her first time in the program
so when their relationship became intimate he had
hopeful plans for their future together
but then she relapsed and he realised
it had only been a 13th Step love
he took responsibility for the mistake as he was the more
experienced one and had needed to be more aware
she was now a ‘runaway train’ with her addiction and
they suffered in more ways than one
a painful lesson for both

Love and marriage

When two people become lovers and they enjoy mutual interests, the next step could be marriage. Love and marriage, a fulfilling combination which many dream of and some achieve. There are lovers who plan their wedding to be a spectacular event and others who want something simple but with lots of meaning which they share with family and close friends. What’s important is that they choose the celebration that will help them remember the day as special.

they came to me because they had attended
their friends’ ceremony at which I was the celebrant
and they too wanted a simple but meaningful wedding
they chose the Rose Garden in the Botanic Gardens
it was a sunny day with birds singing
and the flowers in full bloom
the bride, groom and guests were in smart casual
and everyone had a great time
making it a day to remember

Nothing is as it appears

The jaguar is popular and as people admire its beauty they forget how dangerous it can be. Nothing is as it appears. Within seconds it’s capable of ripping its prey apart, as many animals can do. To a certain degree the same can be said of the human animal. Usually humans try to present a persona which is attractive, lovable, and successful so that they can get what they want. Some though are dangerous because they can easily become violent, either emotionally or physically or both. Prevention is best – we need to go gently into a new relationship until we are sure of the other person’s temperament. We also need to be prepared to get out of the relationship fast if it proves inappropriate and not wait until it’s so dangerous that we can get hurt.

they came to see me and by the end of the session
it became apparent that he was not willing to change
even though he had violent tendencies
and she was not ready to leave him
when they came back to see me I made it clear
that I could not see them together any more
because it was as though I was holding her hand
while he continued to be violent with her
I recommended that she contact the Helpline
for this type of dangerous behaviour and
stressed that her life depended on
her taking urgent action, my words annoyed him
she came back months later and wanted
to undergo therapy on her own as
she had legally removed him from her life
she had a pattern of attracting similar types
and she wanted to stop, so we began the work
today she lives the life she’s always wanted

Beach wedding

Often people appreciate the elegance of a wedding but not the church ceremony. They love the formal outfits – the bridal dress and the suave groom’s suit. Many couples fancy a beach wedding. It’s a beautiful choice and easily attainable. After the marriage, there is the choice of where to celebrate the union – in the backyard of their home, a reception house, or on a boat. Nevertheless at some time or other they want photos on the beach in their outfits.

this was the second marriage for both
they loved each other like never before,
their marriage was on the beach
he wore a white dinner suit and
she a beautiful strapless wedding dress
the ceremony was so romantic and
as the waves splashed along
the sound was mesmerising
I spoke the words that
formalised their marriage and
made them husband and wife
it was twilight and cool with the sea wind
once the photos were done everyone went inside
to the restaurant which was on the beach and
during the pre-dinner drinks the bride and groom
had the rest of their photos taken on the beach
once they were finished they joined us and
we had the most delicious French cuisine
as entrancing classical guitars and piped music
played softly in the background
we could see the beach with it’s ocean view
how spectacular yet so simple

Practise to make perfect

Human beings have an innate need to be united with another. That is why we keep going back for more even if it is unpleasant. Avoiding being attracted to dysfunctional relationships means developing the art of being clear about what is acceptable to us and what’s not. From when we are children we need help to learn about new things from others who are experienced, especially those we can trust. Then practise to make perfect, as the saying goes.

he said that he had been a proactive person
successful in his endeavours and happy too
then he met her and after the initial bliss
it all went downhill because she wanted him
to change just to please her
as he did it just got worse – he felt like a doormat for her
but she was still not happy, his self esteem plummeted
then he walked away from the breakup
and in an attempt to pick up the pieces
he asked me what to do? I reminded him that
once he was strong and capable as well as happy
so he could start again because he had done everything
to save that dysfunctional relationship
also it was now time to note what he didn’t want in
the next relationship and get on with his life
I saw him again and he was confident, refreshed and
optimistic about life

Wedding flowers

Wedding flowers are such a lovely touch for a marriage ceremony. Once a small bouquet was thrown by the bride for the single females to catch.? It was believed that whoever caught the bouquet would be the next to get married.? Nowadays it is possible to have an elaborate arrangement which the bride keeps and has framed as well as a smaller version to throw for the single women to try and catch.

my daughter has her wedding bouquet
which is dried, pressed and framed
hanging on a wall in her house
it is so gorgeous and it always
reminds me of the day they
celebrated their marriage
even though on the funny side
I had tripped and landed on
my knees as we were about
to have family photos taken
I often wonder what brought
me to my knees, or was it
just clumsy of me?

Simple and quaint wedding cake

Here is another wedding cake which is representative of a traditional wedding cake with the bride and groom dolls on top. Yet it is simple and quaint for those who do not wish to have a many tiered wedding cake. As a celebrant I have seen many cakes. If you search you will always find what you like. This lesson also applies to everything in life.

a couple who came to me for
their wedding plans
turned out to be people who
had financial and emotional security
as well as fulfilling careers
they wanted a wedding which
would celebrate their loving relationship
without pomp and ceremony
a more personal event which
they could share with family
and close friends
so they wanted
a simple and quaint wedding cake
to fit the occasion

Marriage Cake, photo by Stenio Silva, Sao Paulo, Brazil, symbolic joy

Wedding car

Whether it is an extravagant wedding or one on a low budget, having a wedding car for the event can be dreamlike. Sometimes the car that you know you will not ever be able to own can make such a difference to have for that special day. It is also not as expensive as it may sound. Search around and you’ll see that it’s possible to get the wedding car of your dreams.

she had that sparkle in her eyes as
they spoke about their wedding plans
it was so exciting and she hesitated
as we discussed the transport
then he clarified the situation by
mentioning that they both had
wished for the wedding car to
be something elegant
but they were afraid of the cost
I mentioned that there’s not
much difference in the price
but rather it depends on finding
the company that uses the
wedding car that they like
so they went away to search
for their heart’s desire