Love and sex addict

Candles in love, photo by Nevit Dilmen, Istanbul, Tukey,  loving relationshipsIf you need to ask “am I a love and sex addict?” then you are, because if you are not then you know it clearly. A love addict, like anyone afflicted with any other addiction, is searching for the “high” from a relationship with another. They are obsessed with the thought of how good they feel in their company and having sex, to the extent that when they are apart they cannot think of anything else. This usually leads to clingy and jealous behaviour quite often accompanied by feelings of rejection. Then their feelings swing back up to unhealthy heights and not always together. A functional loving relationship has ups and downs but not extremes.

Veronica seemed contented as she told me
about her marriage of 4 years
as a person with unpleasant past relationships
she had been terribly hurt and because of
her love addiction had previously attracted
such painful relationships
so as we ticked off the positives about
her marriage and 3 children
she couldn’t believe she had found happiness
and was always expecting something to go wrong
then she realised that this was the same
when she first gave up drinking
with doubts about her sobriety, if it would last?
this helped her to realise it was the
cunning process of addiction which
plays tricks on your mind to tempt
you back to the old ways
so she went off to enjoy her success
which she had earned

What is a Life Coach?

I’ve been asked “what is a life coach?” and so here is my definition as I function in that role and as the facilitator of the Affie Adagio Life Strategies Workshops.
Talking strategy, photo by Julie Elliot, Whichita, United States, action plan Life coach: a person qualified and experienced in the areas of relationships, personal and professional development. People can develop life strategies to accomplish the lifestyle they dream of, through the services of a life coach. This means achieving goals that have been previously unattainable due to obstacles that seem insurmountable or when resolved keep reappearing. Everyone possesses the skills to improve their lifestyle and often a guide is required to remind them of how it is done. That is the role of a reputable, competent life coach.

a successful businessman comes to see me
as he needed a professional to regularly
use as a sounding board
he provides a person-to-person service
for many of his clients and realised
that over time he was neglecting himself
too busy for self evaluation meant that
he abandoned his own needs for those of others
“that can only have dire consequences” he told me
and he was right, because we get into denial about
where we are at and where we are going, so then
we cannot role model effective behaviour for others!
a monthly visit with me meant he could become real
about his own plan of action and any obstacles
that may have arisen unexpectedly
even though his insights came easily
a gentle prod from me, now and then, was
all he needed because he had done considerable
personal and professional development previously
no wonder he was so successful and
useful for others in their achievements

Practise to make perfect

A helping hand 2, photo by Melodi T, Waiuku,  New Zealand, not alone Human beings have an innate need to be united with another. That is why we keep going back for more even if it is unpleasant. Avoiding being attracted to dysfunctional relationships means developing the art of being clear about what is acceptable to us and what’s not. From when we are children we need help to learn about new things from others who are experienced, especially those we can trust. Then practise to make perfect, as the saying goes.

he said that he had been a proactive person
successful in his endeavours and happy too
then he met her and after the initial bliss
it all went downhill because she wanted him
to change just to please her
as he did it just got worse – he felt like a doormat for her
but she was still not happy, his self esteem plummeted
then he walked away from the breakup
and in an attempt to pick up the pieces
he asked me what to do? I reminded him that
once he was strong and capable as well as happy
so he could start again because he had done everything
to save that dysfunctional relationship
also it was now time to note what he didn’t want in
the next relationship and get on with his life
I saw him again and he was confident, refreshed and
optimistic about life

Happy times again

Happy Happy Joy Joy photo by Tom de Bruin, Binfield UK
Happy Happy Joy Joy photo by Tom de Bruin, Binfield UK

Life has ups and downs. Happiness brightens our days and then out of the blue come problems and pain which don’t seem to want to go away, and that darkens our days. Then we hope that the light at the end of the tunnel is sunshine and not an oncoming train. Eventually there are happy times again with sunlight and joy. We wonder why we felt it was so hopeless when this happens over and over throughout Life – and that is normal.

his eyes were happy and his smile was wide
he had happy times again
together we remembered how miserable
his life had been recently which had given him
the look of a victim, a miserable man
everything he touched turned sour until
things changed and he was back to his old
successful ways full of luck and happiness

Feedback from the Life Strategies Workshop

Smiley OrangeI’d like to share with you feedback from my Life Strategies Workshop of 30th April…

  • insightful and useful afternoon
  • very relaxing and non threatening atmosphere
  • sharing with like-minded seekers
  • enjoyable and relaxing
  • interesting
  • a great experience
  • positive and creative

As the Life Coach for this session I designed and facilitated an activity which focussed on finding your passion and removing any obstacles. This proved to be inspiring as well as loaded with fun.

Think about it, what are you doing to find your passion? What’s stopping you from achieving your passion?

Excuses, excuses

When we have a dream and want to achieve something important all we need to do is 1) assess why it is important to us, 2) decide what needs to be done, 3) make a plan of action and 4) then do it! Everything is possible when we make a commitment to do it that is a given fact. The only obstacles are the excuses we give ourselves about why we cannot get started or why we cannot continue what we have started. Remove the excuses and your dreams come true.

I know what I wish to achieve
in the past Ive visualised this
and told all and sundry about it,
then made the plan of action
began the process but somehow
I let excuses intervene
which resulted in ditching the plan
becoming the victim
instead of the winner
eventually though I will succeed
when I stop the excuses
I just know it!