Comments on: Therapist

By: Being desired » Affie Adagio Life Coach, Family Therapist, Marriage Celebrant, Trainer

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 11:57:32 +0000

[...] Modesty often prevents us from expressing our need to be desired by the people we love. Yet, being desired is integral to our wellbeing and healthy self esteem, no matter how confident we normally are. When we are desired by someone we love, we see ourselves through their eyes and this lifts our spirits. That desire is usually expressed in the form of a cheeky flirt or a romantic gesture and this is guaranteed to make a relationship more intimate. Intimacy is the solid foundation of a successful relationship. their relationship was once the envy of all they held hands and loved being together dancing, embracing, joking and having fun that was their calling card and everyone loved to be around them then they went through a bumpy time and the arguments started but fortunately they came to counselling and one of their problem solving strategies was to start flirting with each other again with no commitment to do anything more! when they did, it put them in touch with how serious they had become and how great it was to feel desired again Site search tags back to basics confidence emotional maturity fresh start fulfilment fun relationship skills rescuing the relationship romance spirits thought processes ups and downs [...]

By: Children need love, so parents chill out » Affie Adagio Life Coach, Family Therapist, Marriage Celebrant, Trainer

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 14:05:28 +0000

[...] Fathers and mothers, with small children, are usually at a Life Stage when stresses affect their behaviour, making them intolerant. It’s vital that we don’t psychologise abusive behaviour exhibited by stressed parents. In other words, avoid excusing abusive actions just because parents are stressed – there’s no excuse good enough for abuse. So parents, remember that although you’re having a hard time, when you over-react about your children’s mistakes this negatively impacts on their self-esteem. Also your behaviour is seen as inappropriate and abusive by children and everyone around too! What’s more if the ‘punishment is too severe then the lesson is lost’. When you’re finding it difficult to keep your cool, then maybe you need to see a therapist so that you can let off steam before it becomes abusive for everyone concerned. Children need love to grow healthily, not fear. Childrearing specialists claim that prisoners didn’t get there from too much parental love as children. she was almost hysterical as she told me how her family was driving her crazy her husband was in the same state! you may say “no wonder” when they are in stressful jobs and trying to make a decent lifestyle for their family! then as the story unfolded they realised that their lives had become unmanageable due to hard work, lots of bills and not enough rest everything had become so serious and children have no way of knowing how to deal with their parents’ stress, therefore, they chose to do things as a family that would bring them fun and relaxation as well as putting their home in order instead of just excusing the dysfunctionality Site search tags anger anxiety attitude back to basics behave broken trust childrearing practices choices chores commitment disruptive behaviour dysfunctional relationship emotional maturity family fresh start immature learning curve loving relationship loving parent parenting roles parenting skills peace of mind persistance personal power plan of action promises role models [...]

By: Isolation » Affie Adagio Life Coach, Family Therapist, Marriage Celebrant, Trainer

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 03:33:39 +0000

[...] It’s so easy to justify isolation as being time alone. When you prefer to be alone rather than being a part of the community and feel intolerant about everything and everyone then it’s a warning sign that all is not well. To ignore that is to toy with serious consequences. Many people would rather suffer than do whatever it takes to heal. Sometimes all it takes is writing about how we feel until the core anger or fear is released. Other times it may take joining a group to share similar interests or hobbies. Another solution is seeing a doctor or therapist to sound out your innermost thoughts. Perhaps there may be a need for a change in diet, exercise, or taking supplements (vitamins). It could be you need medication or anti-depressants under doctor’s supervision. Or all of the above. Whatever it is, don’t let the dysfunction or ill health ruin your life and that of others. Deal with it and turn your life around to be more joyful and fulfilling. she’s in her eighties and totally alone full of complaints about her family whom she feels has abandoned her over the years she’s had interesting friends for short periods of time because she constantly ‘leaves bodies in her wake’ her dysfunctional behaviour shows as meanness and blame levelled at all ages any suggestion for therapy or medication incurred her wrath then one day as a result of some medication for vertigo for 2 weeks she seemed so sane and serene then she stopped taking the meds and life was misery again, for her and others yet she could not see the difference! Site search tags alone anger attitude biological condition choices counselling denial dysfunctional feelings howto immature learning curve life threatening miserable life misery moods negative feelings passive aggression peace of mind personal power plan of action pressure cooker recovery resentment sanity self help serenity therapy thought processes turmoil unloved unmanageablity [...]

By: Soulmate » Affie Adagio Life Coach, Family Therapist, Marriage Celebrant, Trainer

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 13:30:37 +0000

[...] Successful relationships can take place between people who are not soulmates. This is because soulmates can sometimes be just good friends. Nevertheless, when a loving relationship involves a lover who is also a soulmate then it is considered by some to be ideal. So if you’re searching for the ideal partner make a list of all the pros and cons of such a person – it is important to show both what you want and what you don’t want in a relationship. In doing that you raise your awareness of the type of person that will suit you best. Everything in life needs a blueprint and likewise relationships do too. Make sure that you are meticulous in making your list and then affirm it by thinking positive about finding your soulmate and life partner. he had been unlucky in his choice of partners someone who had appeared to be a soulmate turned out to be codependent hell he wanted to stop repeating this mistake his life coach suggested he make a written list of the likes and dislikes he had about a future loving relationship she said it was a phenomenon that worked but she stressed that he make sure he does not leave anything out from the list he laughed because he thought it stupid but he did it because she’d been right before about some important things not long after he found his wife and soulmate and ten years later they have a life he wouldn’t have believed was possible children, security, love, fun and above all sanity and serenity [...]

By: Soulmates or love addiction? » Affie Adagio Life Coach, Family Therapist, Marriage Celebrant, Trainer

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 13:13:10 +0000

[...] There is a fine line between having a loving relationship and love addiction. A loving relationship involves soulmates having a fulfilling life based on like-minded friendship. Love addiction is a relationship that brings extreme highs and lows with unmanageablity as the distinctive characteristic which gets progressively worse. Soulmates or love addiction, which will it be for you? he had experienced great unhappiness and yet mad passionate love with her he was finally free of that madness and it hadn’t been easy to achieve! in therapy he tried to understand why he felt disinterested with his new love and yet he knew he loved her deeply it took a while for him to realise that he needed to adjust to the reality of love in other words: soulmates or love addiction? he finally understood the difference and since then his life has been what he’s always hoped for and yet thought he’d never have together with serenity at last as well as three adorable young children to love Site search tags [...]

By: Practise to make perfect » Affie Adagio Life Coach, Family Therapist, Marriage Celebrant, Trainer

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 10:18:32 +0000

[...] Human beings have an innate need to be united with another. That is why we keep going back for more even if it is unpleasant. Avoiding being attracted to dysfunctional relationships means developing the art of being clear about what is acceptable to us and what’s not. From when we are children we need help to learn about new things from others who are experienced, especially those we can trust. Then practise to make perfect, as the saying goes. he said that he had been a proactive person successful in his endeavours and happy too then he met her and after the initial bliss it all went downhill because she wanted him to change just to please her as he did it just got worse – he felt like a doormat for her but she was still not happy, his self esteem plummeted then he walked away from the breakup and in an attempt to pick up the pieces he asked me what to do? I reminded him that once he was strong and capable as well as happy so he could start again because he had done everything to save that dysfunctional relationship also it was now time to note what he didn’t want in the next relationship and get on with his life I saw him again and he was confident, refreshed and optimistic about life Site search tags dysfunctional relationship family therapist healthy lifestyle immature loving relationship persistance personal power relationship skills romance sacrifice sanity self help serenity significant other single smooth transition soulmate stressful succeed unconditional love [...]

By: Codependence and pets » Affie Adagio Life Coach, Family Therapist, Marriage Celebrant, Trainer

Sat, 04 Nov 2006 13:23:49 +0000

[...] When we want to live functional lives, a solution is to get a pet. A codependent flips between manipulation, attempts at controlling, and becoming an enabler causing the victim to remain dependent. Codependence and pets means that the need to overwhelm someone with love is then directed to a creature who thrives on such devotion. So the behaviour is diverted to a healthier end. When a mother wishes to avoid being over-protective towards her growing children, I as a therapist recommend that they get a pet. This way the pet will not suffer from too much affection and it will keep her busy looking after and training the pet. my children were 11 and 12 it was time to let go in order to avoid too much mothering, or so I thought so I got a German Shepherd called Kara who at 6 months couldn’t even walk due to an overwhelming fear I taught her to walk and I loved her and called her my baby she just bloomed and so did my kids who were learning how to be confident and independent childrearing was a success thanks to Kara, who I still miss a lot but now that I’m alone I have a cat, Midnight, who’s my baby to coo over much to my adult children’s relief no doubt! Site search tags alone back to basics biological condition childrearing practices choices close friends cope counselling dedication emotional maturity honest learning curve loving parent loving relationship martyr new born baby parenting skills relationship skills self help smooth transition straight from the heart support [...]

By: The clown in addiction » Affie Adagio Life Coach, Family Therapist, Marriage Celebrant, Trainer

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 01:16:35 +0000

[...] In life we need fun and laughter to stay healthy. When it is missing then we turn to substances and or processes that lift our spirits. Unfortunately, using such means results in repetitive behaviour which is not fulfilling because eventually whatever we do isn’t enough. The clown in addiction can be a cover up for immense unhappiness and low self esteem. In other circumstances, the clown is a fun performance for the audience to enjoy. as she spoke to me about the sadness and abuse she had experienced all her life up till now she chuckled often at the most traumatic recollections as a therapist I was obliged to give her feedback on this pointing out that incongruous behaviour was not unusual in codependence and addictions she quickly understood the message about the clown in addiction and this insight, although it hurt a little no pain no gain they say helped her to be more authentic about her feelings and therefore closer to resolving the turmoil inside serenity at last Site search tags back to basics bliss celebrate cope demons dishonesty driven dysfunctional fresh start frustration gratitude howto immature insanity learning curve loving relationship misunderstood obsessive compulsive behaviour picture perfect resentment ritual straight from the heart stress tragedy unloved vulnerable [...]