It can be easy to blame others for unappealing behaviour because it then makes us feel not so dysfunctional as they seem. It is more important to realise that with one finger pointing, three point back. In other words how much of the unappealing behaviour is that which we reject in ourselves and find it easier to see in others?
Whenever I am tempted to criticise someone else
I remember what a wise person once told me –
with one finger pointing, three point back
so I first assess how accurate my comments are
and whether it is because I see in the other person
that behaviour which I try so hard to avoid in me
and perhaps am failing to achieve at the moment
then if that is not the case I check what other
negative feelings this process is camouflaging
for example, is it that I feel envious or
suffering from self pity?
usually this makes the situation clearer for me
and I can choose my words more carefully and caringly
should there still be a need for me to say anything at all
for that matter!