Month: December 2005

Suicide is not an option for most of us, fortunately so

Some cultures believe that suicide is unacceptable, whilst other cultures support euthanasia when life becomes unbearable, maintaining that each human being has the right to decide whether to continue living or not. That is all well and good, however, if one is to consider such an option then it needs to be well thought out, taking into account how it will impact on family and friends, even neighbours or those who are left with the unenviable task of discovering the deceased person. Suicide is not an option for most of us, fortunately so.

I heard about your suicide
and it saddened me because
of the impact it had on your relatives
leaving them abandoned and unloved by you
even to the extent of giving some of them
the idea to do likewise some day
not a very good legacy at that
I empathised with the angst you
must have felt to lead you there
nevertheless I can’t help but think
did you not consider what it would do to
your loved ones? perhaps not!
needless to say, suicide is not an option for most of us
fortunately so

Let’s be grateful for the good that happens

Another festive season ends and we are faced with mixed feelings – the happiness of exchanging gifts, spending time with families, joking, laughing and on the other hand the stress of dysfunctional interactions and the shortage of money as a result of the spending. Different things mean different things to people. Next we are faced with how quickly time flies. Here we are heading for the new year which can alone cause more stress, or happiness. Just for today let’s be grateful for the good that happens and let go the disappointments once we have acknowledged them, of course.

how great it was to see the joy on the
children’s faces as they opened their gifts
my inner child was excited too wanting more
nevertheless being with family and close friends
brought joy for me and others
let’s be grateful for the good that happens
it balances what Life dishes out

Jealousy

Sometimes we become troubled about something someone else has – possessions, status, people they love or have loved, even an experience. This jealousy causes us to do “head miles” – obsessively being preoccupied with the situation. The suffering we experience is not only unnecessary but quite in our ability to remedy because our emotions are within us and no one can make us feel what we don’t want to feel. People, places and things can only influence our feelings and we decide how much impact this will have on us. So it is always important to keep in mind that we have the power to react or respond to an external happening in the way we want. Responding is a much healthier choice than reacting which causes us to be out of control. In responding we acknowledge our emotions as they occur and then become assertive to make the change we desire, if appropriate, otherwise let go. With practice it becomes easier.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me…
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and
the wisdom to know the difference

empty nest

Parents who experience ‘empty nest’, when their children leave home to start up their own household, find they are faced with mixed feelings. The feeling of happiness as a result of a job well done and the feeling of loss for those they have nurtured so long. It is an expected event but we don’t think that it will cause pain and yet it does, even though there is also relief from the responsibility parenthood has been. Not that the responsibility is totally over when they leave home for it is still there to some extent.

she had her birthday yesterday
and he had his a week ago
39 and 40 respectively
they have their own families
and their children also bring me
pleasure and joy as a Nana
nevertheless although my offspring
have done me proud
the empty nest cries out to me now and then
even years later
and I just have to work through it
understanding that this is life

Christmas happiness or blues?

So many are getting ready for the festive season but is it Christmas happiness or blues? For some this time brings back happy moments of childhood and for others it creates the blues. These blues can be because of memories or because of the temptation to overdo the eating or drinking or spending – a loss of control. This is when self discipline can be rewarding. It is empowering to have even the smallest amount of self discipline gained with whatever assistance is possible.

as I struggle with the temptation of
bread, cakes, chocolate and spending,
Christmas happiness or blues
begin jostling for the prime position!
every success I have in
avoiding these excesses
at this time of year
empowers me towards the happiness
this festive season can bring,
moreso, a supportive system assists me
greatly in this endeavour
for there are others too who
are suffering the same temptations
and we cannot do it on our own!

Seven deadly sins

Brad Pitt’s film “Seven” drew attention to the seven deadly sins – Envy, Sloth, Gluttony, Wrath, Pride, Lust and Greed.

Envy can make us miserably jealous of the good fortune of others
Sloth makes us malingerers, too lazy to do much
Gluttony causes overeating and drunkenness creating obesity and alcoholism
Wrath shows up as violence towards others, property and road rage
Pride can get in the way of living with integrity and humility
Lust is that insatiable sexual feeling which could instead be passion
Greed also can cause us to want more that we need

All of these feelings can be reframed or modified to be of benefit to us rather than harm.

Life is as short as you make it

How many times have people said “Life’s too short?” Some of us believe that Life is as short as you make it – a self-fulfilling prophecy. So get on with your dreams and don’t limit them by thinking in terms of how little time you have to live.

a wise and reputable person trained us
and her question left us a little startled
“how old do you think you’ll be when you die?”
some believed that God would decide that
and others felt their lives would be short and
according to statistics maybe they would reach their 80s
however, she said it has been proven that
you will live as long as you imagine
and die in the manner you believe
how freeing it was to believe that
Life is as short as you make it
so I plan to live a long and happy life

Self sabotage

We make a plan of how we want to live our lives and somehow we stray off it. How can that be, we wonder? It sounded so good at the time of planning, with lots of reasons to succeed and then Life intervenes � or so we think. Nothing is accidental, at an unconscious level we know what we are doing and why. So we need to ask ourselves �what action are we going to take to avoid the self sabotage?� Only then success is ours.

happily keeping to my healthy plan
and then out of the blue I eat junk food
forget to exercise
and even worse
spend all my savings
what happened I ask myself?
where did this self sabotage come from?
fear of success?
maybe?!
what am I going to do about it?
self awareness is 50% of the resolution
starting again with the healthy plan
is the next step towards success

In moderation

This is the time of year when everyone celebrates with friends, workmates, and families. A good time at that, nevertheless it can be difficult if we are compelled to overdo the alcohol, food and late nights. What delight it is not to be driven to use to excess those substances and processes that cause us distress. It is not an easy task to do things in moderation but quite possible and fulfilling. The other option is to avoid those things that cause us problems and enjoy life with the things that we can moderate.

there was a time when Christmas caused me
fear and concern
because I knew that it was impossible
to not overeat all those foodstuffs harmful to
my health and wellbeing
for others it is the alcohol too
after much therapy and personal development
this time of the year is now enjoyable for me too
I know what to eat and what to avoid
and enjoy the festive season as I should
may it be so for you too

Empty

We sometimes feel empty and refuse to acknowledge this feeling. Not that it is such a great way to feel nevertheless it is one of our feelings and therefore deserves to be owned and not buried. Of what benefit is such a feeling of emptiness? I guess it makes way for something to come in to that space – love, happiness, fear and more. So sit with that emptiness and recognise its usefulness.

I sat and searched within
for something to write about
and there was nothing
I was empty
at first fear raced in
and then I owned the feeling
it is mine and it makes space
for more
nothing to fear about being empty
it is only temporary!