Attitude – Choose our words carefully

attitude photo by Simona Balint Istanbul Turkey sulk smileStress exists in everyone’s life. However, the best way to deal with it is to relax as we interact with others and make sure that we communicate our needs clearly. In other words choose our words carefully to get the right attitude. This is of benefit, ultimately, to all parties.

the child was in trouble with his mother and
she composed herself and explained to him
the reason that his behaviour was dangerous
he became annoyed as young children do
nevertheless she persisted and then asked him
if he understood why he was in trouble
he admitted he did but still had a sulk
she then asked him to change his attitude and put a smile
on his face to show that he understood, and he did
when we choose our words carefully the outcome
is productive and rewarding

Misunderstood messages cause anger

anger  photo by EMiN OZKAN Izmir, Turkey frustration conflictHave you noticed how sometimes a message is not received as intended? When misunderstood messages happen then it’s the shared responsibility of the originator and the recipient. The recipient needs to check out what they hear if it causes frustration and anger, then the originator needs to communicate their intended message differently in the second or third attempts. The initial feelings are to lash out in anger when conflict occurs. In an effort to resolve the conflict all parties have the responsibility to put the effort into transforming that conflict to agreement or at least an understanding of the interaction intended.

woke up from my afternoon nap very rested
I needed to share something with you by phone
much to my amazement it annoyed you
and your voice sounded harsh as you
expressed your frustration!
it felt like a slap across the face to me
we did this unpleasant verbal dance for a while
then I remembered that misunderstood messages are
communication gone wrong
so I let go of my anger otherwise it could get nasty
and instead took responsibility for not expressing
the intended message accurately
a calmness overcame me and
our conversation ended amicably

Steep learning curve

BMX photo by Cédric Aellen Orbe, Vaud, Switzerland 52036No matter what age, we can have experiences that are new to us and we often go through a steep learning curve over and over. The idea is to realise that this can be a challenge and to hang in there till the lesson is learned.

as a youngster I wanted a bike and
my father agreed on the condition that
I learned to ride his bike first
to show my commitment!

it was exciting and frightening
but after falling off many times
it all came together for me

and on my own bike
I even rode expertly
doing things like wheelies
and riding without
holding the handlebars

what a steep learning curve
but a worthwhile reward
which I often use as an example
to get me through the difficulties
of, say, developing my website skills!

Biological reasons for taking medication

meeting a sun photo by Dovile Cizaite Klaipeda, Lithuania 504834Sometimes people have lives which are stable and fulfilling because they have accepted that they have biological reasons for taking medication. The worst that can happen is when others who believe in life without medication try to influence the community to do likewise. This can be life threatening to many who depend on medication for a healthy lifestyle.

do not try to impose your viewpoint that
I should live my life without medication
as I may have biological reasons for
taking medication and my choices are
well informed and this is my decision
which I need you to respect

Otherwise occupied

Behold: photo by Arjun Chennu, India 503896 http://arjmage.blogspot.comIt is far better to let go of hurt created by someone else rather than to take it personally because we do not know what is going on for them, and it may not be as it appears. Confident people just go on after such an experience whereas those who are not will be doing “head miles” about it. That can only contaminate our thinking and in turn our lives. We are better off to be otherwise occupied.

I must say I was disappointed by your response
to my suggestion that we meet
it was a surprise but then again
maybe you were not alone or
maybe you thought there was more to it
than there actually was
nevertheless, I am now
otherwise occupied

photo by Arjun Chennu India

Emotional and physical burnout

Sorrow photo by Marc Popelier Merelbeke, O-VL, Belgium 214874When life experiences create unavoidable traumas we underestimate the impact on our health and behaviour. We have emotional and physical burnout which is a feeling of despondency and fatigue affecting our motivation.

Some of us turn to self medication through substances or process such as food, drugs, sex, gambling, over working, or becoming busy with chaotic unmanageability. Others withdraw and resort to sleeping too much or isolating. Some suffer untreated depression or other illnesses leading to suicidal thoughts.

All of these problems can be resolved. Primarily we need to rest and recuperate without feeling guilty whilst nature takes its healing course. This can be achieved through relaxation created by meditation, yoga, walking, swimming, meeting with friends and giving ourselves the time to recover.

Then we need to be medically checked, perhaps attend counselling, improving our nutrition and even taking supplements (vitamins). Furthermore and importantly we need to make ourselves reach out to friendly people and be transparent about our struggle. We can gain support in doing that just as we can give it to others later on.

It is vital to remember through the worst time that things will improve in time and before long we will find the motivation to succeed again.

As I sat in the dark tunnel as a result of a disaster
I wondered if the light at the end was an oncoming train or
the thrill of sunshine and happier days
now when I look back on that emotional and physical burnout
I chuckle to myself for letting it appear so hopeless

Sam’s loss

Sam commented on the loss of a love

The feeling of an immense loss is so hard to deal with. To be told that after 17 years that now nothing is left is shattering. No clue no hint it just is. Two children whose world has been ripped from under their feet. Security and protection is gone. How do I pull myself up from the biggest low I have felt in my life? Waiting for him to come back and say its alright I made a mistake. I want to feel anger, it would be easier to hate him, still loving him makes it so hard. I hate what he has done but I can’t hate him.

When Sam wrote about the betrayal she felt from the loss of her love of 17 years and how it affected the children too, my heart went out to her. We have all experienced betrayal – some of us not expecting it and others finding it the end of much misery. Nevertheless, we dream of the possibility of the offender returning and making a soulful remorseful apology. Unfortunately, waiting for the offender to come back and make us feel worthy is an unrealistic expectation because even if they do just that our worthiness needs to come from within not from them. Sam was wise to separate him from his behaviour and although she hated what he did, she did not hate him. In that way her self esteem is enhanced and she will have a faster recovery from her emotional trauma because it is not dependent on him.

When you came back and told me that
you had realised how much you loved me
and that you could not live without me
I was elated and believed you!
but although I forgave your indiscretion
I could not forget the trauma!
most importantly I found out that
I needed to believe in myself before
I could believe you!

Being busy can be a defence

When we feel troubled about certain life situations we find ourselves doing more and more. Being busy can be a defence preventing us from facing what is troubling us. Better to deal with the issue so as to avoid emotional burnout from becoming too busy.

When I lost my bunch of keys I worried but
over time I accumulated a fresh batch
the same goes for having a
sensible program of activities – I get
busier and busier then I know that
something is going on for me that is
causing me concern because being
busy can be a defence!