power imbalance

Talk 1, photo by Dora Pete, Nagytarcsa, Pest, HungaryWhen two people enter into a relationship it quite often happens that they slip into roles as though they are on opposite ends of a ‘see saw’ and this causes a perceived power imbalance where one feels overpowered by the other. The dominant partner increases their ability to be outspoken and the passive partner becomes even more quiet. But it can be an illusion because the partner who appears dominant is behaving that way because they feel unheard and the one who appears passive actually controls the relationship through passive aggression – both contribute to the disintegration of the relationship. It is vital that the couple stops the aggressive dance and looks at the whole situation with a willingness to talk through and to resolve the issue at hand, rather than trying to win the battle.

they love each other dearly yet
when they came to me for therapy
there was so much hate in their eyes!
at first each accused the other of being
cruel and not caring of the other
then they progressed to being curious
as to how they could possibly resolve this problem
finally they set some goals which seemed promising
and their demeanour towards each other was
much warmer as they left and prepared for the festivities

Talk 1, photo by Dora Pete, Nagytarcsa, Hungary, http://www.sxc.hu/photo/801380, loving dialogue

when life intervenes

Thumbs up, photo by Bethany Carlson, United StatesI have not written regular posts recently because I have been preoccupied with other priorities and because, more recently, I dislocated my shoulder. When life intervenes we reorganise our priorities to cope with the obstacles and eventually we learn to ‘go with the flow’ until everything is sorted out once more. As I live on my own, I had often wondered how I would manage should something serious happen to me. Well last week I found out. I tripped and felt the horrendous pain as my shoulder became dislocated. As I sat on the floor moaning and groaning holding onto my injured shoulder I manage to reach my mobile and call 000, twenty minutes after which I was picked up by an ambulance and taken to St Vincents Hospital Emergency. I was Xrayed and under anaesthetic they took care of the injury. My arm is in a sling and I am on the mend. The point I am making is that when life intervenes we can manage to ‘dust ourselves off and start all over again’.