Author: Affie Adagio

Without being attached to the outcome

When we use the term “without being attached to the outcome” it means that we express ourselves with integrity in order to communicate our innermost feelings and not with the intention of making a person do what we want them to do. If the outcome is positive and the other person makes amends because of their behaviour then that is a bonus. However, it is a risk to expect that outcome when expressing our feelings and therefore becomes manipulative which is dysfunctional and counterproductive.

I have learnt that it is important to
express myself sincerely and calmly
without being attached to the outcome
in other words saying how I feel
without the need for a positive outcome
although one is welcomed, when it happens
I express myself for my serenity and not to get
the other person to acknowledge their contribution!
that’s the true art of empowerment

Resentment is a cancer

Someone says something that hurts and our feelings are crushed. That only occurs when we have low self-esteem otherwise we chuckle at it. If we let it affect us badly then we become resentful – resentment is a cancer which needs to be dealt with before it spreads and does damage to our psyche. The solution is recognising that the hurt feeling is our own and then communicating in a calm manner with the person in question to clarify what happened without being attached to the outcome. Taking responsibility for our contribution which at worst may only be a misunderstanding could be all it takes to feel better.

it just appears as a small discontent
but as it grows resentment is a cancer which
needs to be treated early before it becomes
terminal!
how?! owning it as being my problem not yours!
next checking out gently what you meant
and then making amends
it’s as easy as that
try it!

New Year Wishes

The new year brings with it the promises of health, prosperity and love. All the resolutions we make have basically to do with these outcomes. Everything is possible as long as we remember that we need to visualise the goal and then become proactive in achieving that dream, affirming our ability to do so as we go along.

another new year
with the promises of
health, prosperity and love
and it’s all up to me to
visualise my dream clearly
plan how I will achieve it
then finally affirming each day that
I can do it, I can do it, I can do it
as I carry out the action to
realise the dream

Suicide is not an option for most of us, fortunately so

Some cultures believe that suicide is unacceptable, whilst other cultures support euthanasia when life becomes unbearable, maintaining that each human being has the right to decide whether to continue living or not. That is all well and good, however, if one is to consider such an option then it needs to be well thought out, taking into account how it will impact on family and friends, even neighbours or those who are left with the unenviable task of discovering the deceased person. Suicide is not an option for most of us, fortunately so.

I heard about your suicide
and it saddened me because
of the impact it had on your relatives
leaving them abandoned and unloved by you
even to the extent of giving some of them
the idea to do likewise some day
not a very good legacy at that
I empathised with the angst you
must have felt to lead you there
nevertheless I can’t help but think
did you not consider what it would do to
your loved ones? perhaps not!
needless to say, suicide is not an option for most of us
fortunately so

Let’s be grateful for the good that happens

Another festive season ends and we are faced with mixed feelings – the happiness of exchanging gifts, spending time with families, joking, laughing and on the other hand the stress of dysfunctional interactions and the shortage of money as a result of the spending. Different things mean different things to people. Next we are faced with how quickly time flies. Here we are heading for the new year which can alone cause more stress, or happiness. Just for today let’s be grateful for the good that happens and let go the disappointments once we have acknowledged them, of course.

how great it was to see the joy on the
children’s faces as they opened their gifts
my inner child was excited too wanting more
nevertheless being with family and close friends
brought joy for me and others
let’s be grateful for the good that happens
it balances what Life dishes out

Jealousy

Sometimes we become troubled about something someone else has – possessions, status, people they love or have loved, even an experience. This jealousy causes us to do “head miles” – obsessively being preoccupied with the situation. The suffering we experience is not only unnecessary but quite in our ability to remedy because our emotions are within us and no one can make us feel what we don’t want to feel. People, places and things can only influence our feelings and we decide how much impact this will have on us. So it is always important to keep in mind that we have the power to react or respond to an external happening in the way we want. Responding is a much healthier choice than reacting which causes us to be out of control. In responding we acknowledge our emotions as they occur and then become assertive to make the change we desire, if appropriate, otherwise let go. With practice it becomes easier.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me…
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and
the wisdom to know the difference

empty nest

Parents who experience ‘empty nest’, when their children leave home to start up their own household, find they are faced with mixed feelings. The feeling of happiness as a result of a job well done and the feeling of loss for those they have nurtured so long. It is an expected event but we don’t think that it will cause pain and yet it does, even though there is also relief from the responsibility parenthood has been. Not that the responsibility is totally over when they leave home for it is still there to some extent.

she had her birthday yesterday
and he had his a week ago
39 and 40 respectively
they have their own families
and their children also bring me
pleasure and joy as a Nana
nevertheless although my offspring
have done me proud
the empty nest cries out to me now and then
even years later
and I just have to work through it
understanding that this is life

Christmas happiness or blues?

So many are getting ready for the festive season but is it Christmas happiness or blues? For some this time brings back happy moments of childhood and for others it creates the blues. These blues can be because of memories or because of the temptation to overdo the eating or drinking or spending – a loss of control. This is when self discipline can be rewarding. It is empowering to have even the smallest amount of self discipline gained with whatever assistance is possible.

as I struggle with the temptation of
bread, cakes, chocolate and spending,
Christmas happiness or blues
begin jostling for the prime position!
every success I have in
avoiding these excesses
at this time of year
empowers me towards the happiness
this festive season can bring,
moreso, a supportive system assists me
greatly in this endeavour
for there are others too who
are suffering the same temptations
and we cannot do it on our own!

Seven deadly sins

Brad Pitt’s film “Seven” drew attention to the seven deadly sins – Envy, Sloth, Gluttony, Wrath, Pride, Lust and Greed.

Envy can make us miserably jealous of the good fortune of others
Sloth makes us malingerers, too lazy to do much
Gluttony causes overeating and drunkenness creating obesity and alcoholism
Wrath shows up as violence towards others, property and road rage
Pride can get in the way of living with integrity and humility
Lust is that insatiable sexual feeling which could instead be passion
Greed also can cause us to want more that we need

All of these feelings can be reframed or modified to be of benefit to us rather than harm.

Life is as short as you make it

How many times have people said “Life’s too short?” Some of us believe that Life is as short as you make it – a self-fulfilling prophecy. So get on with your dreams and don’t limit them by thinking in terms of how little time you have to live.

a wise and reputable person trained us
and her question left us a little startled
“how old do you think you’ll be when you die?”
some believed that God would decide that
and others felt their lives would be short and
according to statistics maybe they would reach their 80s
however, she said it has been proven that
you will live as long as you imagine
and die in the manner you believe
how freeing it was to believe that
Life is as short as you make it
so I plan to live a long and happy life