parents – Dr Affie Adagio

Children expressing themselves

As commented by Robert Shields regarding my post called Tools of Serenity, I agree it is true that children are wonderful to work with. Their innocence is inspiring and they can express their innermost thoughts and feelings in a way beyond their years. We often try to protect children from expressing themselves, whereas if we encourage them to say what is in their hearts not only is it good for them but we learn from them too. Children expressing themselves is a lesson to adults.

As I listened to my granddaughter’s words
I was enthralled by her ability to express her
innermost feelings in such depth
children expressing themselves is
such an enlightening process
which we adults underestimate
and need to encourage in them

Being caring and loving

When children are young, parents have the responsibility of being caring and loving. Also setting limits is important so that they may learn to be self-disciplined as required. A fine balance is needed between being firm and being too strict, because anything too extreme will impair their relationship skills. As role models we show them how to live life fully and with happiness. Love, fun and being responsible will help them to survive Life’s ups and downs. Then comes the time when parents need to stand back and let them make the choices they want. That is sometimes the hardest part of being a parent. Especially when the parent is on the receiving end of an unpleasant decision. Nevertheless it is an art for the parent ‘to know when to play and know when to walk away’, emotionally, that is. That’s because it is always best to remember that they are now adults and parents need to lead by example to maintain a loving relationship.

as the mother spoke about her doings and plans
her daughter expressed her frustrations about this
as their interaction became strained
it was obvious there had been a misunderstanding
but fortunately they were able to change
by being caring and loving
and then the problem was resolved
as they parted on good terms
each one was more aware of
the other’s expectations and needs

Unresolved grief issues

“I am wondering how much the loss of a parent contributes to a new, hopeful, but tentative relationship becoming dysfunctional and morphing into a love addiction.”

Letitia made this comment when I wrote about the loss of a parent and my response is that awareness is 50% of the solution to a problem. So if we are aware of our unresolved grief issues then we can avoid letting them contaminate our relationships and turning them into dysfunctionality and/or love addiction. With unresolved grief issues it is difficult to avoid loving someone who subconsciously reminds us of our parents, whether it’s a loving parent or a punishing parent. This is, mainly because we search to find either a replacement for the loving parent whom we miss, or the punishing parent whose approval we seek. That is why grief counselling is vital, so that we stand a better chance of developing healthy loving relationships.

Family Tree

How important it is to know our family history. It contributes to the formation of our identity. A family tree shows where we came from and how special some of those ancestors are. With that also comes the odd relative who was not so great. You take the good with the bad and it helps to understood who you are. That’s what makes happy times. Have you got your family tree?

my cousins took the time to prepare our history
for future generations
one made a huge frame with family photos
which meant nothing without the
documentation made by the other cousin
and it helped me to remember what
my parents had told me and I learnt more
making me feel as though I found a gem
I spent some happy times and
melancholic nostalgia as
most have passed away
nevertheless reliving the history
with my family tree
has reminded me of happy times