friendship – Page 2 – Dr Affie Adagio

Dignity or pride

My dog, photo by Lily Rosen, Tel Aviv, Israel

This photo depicts the utmost dignity and beauty. There is a fine line between dignity and pride. Dignity is a strength of character which helps us to deal with life, maturely. This can mean that we survive the worst of life’s ups and downs by having such a strength. Things happen which can either be absolutely terrible or unbelievably amazing, yet how we handle such events determines our health and wellbeing because extremes can stress us. Pride on the other hand leads to a closed character and secrecy, which keeps emotions buried causing illness and unhappiness.

as a young man he was charm itself
popular and loved by men and women
women wanted him, men wanted to be like him
he appeared dignified but was closed
and especially secretive about himself
he became dysfunctional and in time his aggression
lost him his family and the respect of many
unfortunately, he doesn’t see that there is
anything harmful in his choice of behaviour
and he leaves ‘dead bodies’ in his path
whilst self medicating with unhealthy things like
cheating, lying, excessive drinking, overeating and
who knows what else?
his only chance is that he comes out of denial
and becomes more transparent about who he is

E.B. (Epidermolysis Bullosa)

In Australia you can help by reaching the support people for E.B (Epidermolysis Bullosa) at DebRA Queensland. As a result of my post about Butterfly Day and E.B. there was a comment by Gena which I believe will help the E.B. campaign, so I’m including her comment in full here. Hopefully this will inspire people to become active in Gena’s work too. Children especially suffer such pain and life threatening illnesses because of Epidermolysis Bullosa so please consider pledging your help.

Comment by Gena:

Hello! I receive “google alerts” for anything about EB, and your blog arrived in my alert today. I just wanted to write and say “THANK YOU!” for spreading awareness about EB! My Mom suffered from Recessive Dystrophic EB, Hallopeau-Siemens subtype. She was a marvelous woman, and a warm and caring mother to me and my two siblings. She is one of the few with her severe subtype to have children, and we are all EB-free. She lived to the age of 65, and serves as an inspiration to others with EB because of her long life and courage in the face of this disease. She endured many infections from chronic wounds, had many surgeries to improve her mittened hands, developed squamous cell carcinoma which resulted in amputation of an arm and a leg, and yet she loved life and was in all ways a child of God. I wrote an article after her death for the DebRA organization, which you can view here: www.thedenslaws.com/personalstories.html

In the U.S., I am working with volunteers to pass a Bill for National EB Awareness Week, Bill H.RES.335. The companion Senate Bill, S.RES.180, has already passed. If one of your readers knows folks in the U.S., they can write, fax, email or phone the House Majority Leader, Speaker of the House, and Majority Whip, and ask them to bring this Bill to a vote under the 109th Congress, before they finish in December. They can ask the same of their own Congressperson, and they can get all contact information at www.house.gov or www.congress.gov.

I also work with DebRA International, helping people in countries to find resources. Currently, I’m working with a family of four siblings in their 20’s in Iraq who have no bandages or wound care treatment, to go to Israel to be diagnosed and receive instruction on bandaging, and a couple in Pakistan with a 2-year-old son – all have a more severe subtype of EB. There is just not enough help for these people, and spreading awareness as you have done is a great gift to our community!

Thanks for the opportunity to leave a comment! Gratefully, Gena Gruschovnik

Act as if

We are often faced with someone else’s negativity. When this happens it is far better to acknowledge their message so that they don’t keep repeating it, and then let it wash off us like water off a duck’s back. We don’t have to wear someone else’s negativity. Instead we need to remember that they are entitled to their opinion and we don’t have to agree with it. So if we keep a positive attitude then life is more fulfilling. If we ‘act as if ‘ then it becomes a healthy habit. Free of sulking, free of resentments and in time a more pleasant way of living life.

when I was younger I got easily upset or annoyed
and my serenity depended on another person’s behaviour
so if someone upset me then I would hold a grudge
in other words sulk until they saw my point of view
on my journey of personal enlightenment
I learnt to let go of resentment when someone upset me
now I express myself as calmly as possible
and then ‘act as if ‘ a new page has been turned
after a few minutes I am at peace and have
no need to labour over the issue or
feel resentful until an apology is forthcoming
love is ever-present and ever-healing
an invaluable asset, tried and true

Intimacy

People need intimacy to feel fulfilled in life. Intimacy means more than just sex. Intimacy means being close enough to someone so that we are able to be honest about our innermost feelings – positive or negative. Intimacy can make us feel blissful and complete. Without intimacy we slip into dishonesty, defensiveness and ego inflation. Although a strength, intimacy can be fearful to contemplate. Sometimes in a relationship we argue because the ‘making up’ process brings back the intimacy that has slipped away.

they were arguing more and more
and came to me to see what was wrong
as we spoke about their life process
it became apparent that they were
both absorbed with their own work
and had little time left for their
relationship enjoyments
and they had not noticed that
this meant there was a lack of
intimacy between them unless
they argued and then ‘made up’
simple but important to know
and rectifiable

Overcoming obstacles

Life is one obstacle after another and some of us overcome those systematically while others stumble and fall. Nevertheless, there is a system to help us overcome the constant pain. Like a caravan of camels we need to set on a course and then gently and persistently stay on track until we reach the destination we have aimed for. Overcoming obstacles then becomes manageable and we have dreams come true.

I often come across obstacles in Life but I
have learnt to set a course and follow it with
the support of a network of people heading
to the same destination or thereabouts
like a caravan of camels
overcoming obstacles then becomes easy
that is the difference between succeeding or not

Desert Caravan, photo by Arjun Chennu, chennai, India,ttp://arjmage.blogspot.com

Rescuing a relationship

It’s awesome to be in relationship that is fulfilling. The laughter, mutual interests, companionship, and passionate connection. Sure, there can be moments of friction too, but that is to be expected when two people are intimate. Sometimes the friction is a subconscious attempt at igniting a dying flame, because the make-up process heightens intimacy again. Rescuing a relationship can be enjoyable, nevertheless it is far healthier to do so without allowing friction to be the tool. Other methods such as booking in quality time to have fun can be far more effective to bring two people close once more.

they sat across from me looking so tense
what happened to their close loving friendship?
not so long ago they were full of happiness
and plans for the future which always proved
to be exciting for them!
there had been preoccupation with work
and many expenses which restricted socialising
the children had their problems
everything had been too much, and
as they shared about it they realised that
they were not as close as they liked
amazing how a few moments spent together
talking about rescuing a relationship
can bring people closer and feel
loving towards each other again