Passive Aggression

miserly witch photo by uc sesselle Adegem, Belgium passive aggressionWe all get angry but different people have different ways of behaving when they get angry. Some shout and others express themselves appropriately without throwing a tantrum. Then again there are those whose response is minimal but deep inside there is turmoil, so they withdraw. Nevertheless their behaviour shows they are unhappy and it is tense around them. That’s what is commonly known as passive aggression and not very helpful in a relationship. It is better for them and others that they at least attempt to express their feelings maturely rather than hold them inside which causes ill health, just as acting out angry behaviour aggressively also does.

for a long time she kept quiet when she was angry
that’s the way it had always been for her but
she had not realised that it was written on her face
all the frustration, the hurt and the pain
brought about by that anger
however it did not help in the long run even though she
had become good at passive aggression
as she practised a healthier way of communicating
she became more loveable and happier
only now and then she slipped back to the old ways
but at least nowadays it was for a shorter time because
she knew that it was so obviously
immature and unhealthy

A dysfunctional relationship is a tragedy

Mother and Child photo by Alex Furr Southampton, Great Britain , dysfunctional relationshipLiving in a relationship that is unhappy can lead to sickness. Some people sacrifice themselves for the sake of appearances and their children. They think that it is better to stay in the relationship than to break up a family. However, what they don’t realise is that staying in a dysfunctional relationship is a tragedy for the children and all concerned. This only provides an example of how miserable life can be and that we have to put up with it. It is far better that counselling be sought in an attempt to improve things or failing that believing that a fresh start can bring a better life.

she cried as she told me her tragic story
of domestic violence and misery
the fear for her children’s future
was another side to it and
in response to my suggestion that
should she want to move on there are
refuges for the safety of women like her
she stared me straight in the face and
told me that she couldn’t bear the
thought of breaking up her family
“what would people say?”
I wondered what tragedy would be the
outcome of this dysfunctional relationship

Breaking up is the only option

When love turns sour a relationship can be hell. There are ways to rectify that. We can talk about the problems and be willing to find resolutions or we can seek professional assistance. We do not hesitate to see an accountant or a builder as needed, therefore, seeing a relationship counsellor is just as reasonable. That way we know that we have done everything possible until breaking up is the only option. Just suffering and doing nothing it about should not be an option.

she said “let’s talk” and he avoided doing that
time passed and they distanced, as happens
when there’s no intimate communication
then she said “I’m leaving you unless we see a counsellor”
“we can sort it out ourselves” he replied
she loved him so she gave in
ten months later they parted amicably
eighteen years later she wondered whether
she should have insisted that they seek help
so breaking up is the only option

Breaking up photo by David Peter Hansen, Copenhagen, Denmark,

the loss of a love

when a lover says that it’s over
the shock and anger is unbelievable
“it’s not true, it’s a nightmare, how could it be?”
then the bargaining adds to the turmoil
“could things have been handled differently
and the loss of a love been avoided?”

getting through this phase does not guarantee
that the acceptance of the loss is reached
unfortunately this pain can go on in cycles
nevertheless it does get better
and we move on to happier and more fulfilling times
having hope for that gets us through the worst moments

goodbye Donald Horne

some were invited today to celebrate
the life and works of this great man
he led a life that influenced many
and although he did not suffer fools
his warmth was far greater than most
if your were fortunate enough to
be the recipient of that side of him

as I sat and listened to leaders
speak of their experiences with him
I remembered the warmth he showed me
and that of his wife, Myfanwy, too
goodbye Donald Horne
it was an honour to know you