sorrow – Dr Affie Adagio

Addiction and anorexia

Much has been written about the effect that thin models and movie celebrities have on young women. In an effort to look like these role models young women develop eating disorders. Addiction and anorexia are the same condition. When a person suffers from anorexia it is on the same eating disorder continuum as compulsive overeating. Just as life threatening as other addictions anorexia results in a distorted perception. The afflicted person does not see themselves as being thin and continues to do without food in order to lose more weight.

she was such a loveable person and
so thoughtful too, not to mention how
talented she was in writing
poetry straight from the heart
however, she battled addiction and anorexia
she managed to become free of the heroin
but not of the need to avoid eating
no matter what she tried it worked only
for a short time and then she was back
to her old ways which eventually led her
to her heroin addiction and death from starvation
some more fortunate are rescued from this fate

Touch to stay alive

Without touch babies have been known to die, that’s why attachment in the early years of childhood is so important. We need touch to stay alive. To touch and be touched is the necessity of life. That’s why one of the methods of torture or punishment has been isolation, it can make a person go crazy. It is important to teach children from a young age that sulking (withdrawal) is counter-productive to having their needs and wants met. Communicating what they are feeling is vital to their own wellbeing and future relationship development.

they argued constantly
from early morning and then
when he came home from work
late into the night
sometimes they wouldn’t talk for days
sulking so badly that you could
cut the air with a knife, so to speak
I often wondered how they managed
to get through the day in such an
atmosphere of bitterness and misery
with no touching
then after 13 years they divorced
and took their dysfunctional behaviour
to their new separate relationships
which did not last long either
we need touch to stay alive
in more ways than one

Grief

When we are faced with the death of a loved one the pain is deep. The shock can be so immense that we cannot believe it’s true. Sometimes even sorrow is buried by the shock. As time passes we adjust to the reality of the death and grief takes over. Then we flip back and forwards through those stages of shock, awareness of the reality, and grief peppered with attempts to justify our inability to have prevented this outcome. Finally with relief reality takes hold and we accept that we must give up and say goodbye.

last week a dear friend told me of the
loss of her friend as she mourned Verna
then at the beginning of this week we lost
another respected member of the community
Dr. John Hirshman A.M., such a loving friend
and today I found out that our closest friend Sally
was killed by a car on her way to work
all week I was sorrowful but today I kept repeating
“it’s unbelievable” realising that I will not see Sally again
such a heartbreaking week full of death and grief
it made me become aware of my mortality and
that of everyone else near and dear to me

center of a rose, photo by Jan Roger Johannesen, Trondheim, Norway, http://www.janroger.no

Lonely

Human beings have an innate need to belong. This includes being in a union with a significant other and groups such as family, friends, community, work. Happiness also comes as a result of activities carried out alone such as walking and meditation. Then again sometimes being alone can bring on feeling lonely. This may not last long but it is a feeling which is unsettling. Nevertheless, without this feeling we would not socialise, so it has its value even though it is a nuisance.

it was a relatively happy day for me
then out of the blue I felt lonely
so I sat with the feeling for a moment
am I isolating? have I socialised lately?
then I realised that I am faced with a
necessary but unpleasant task to do now
which made me miss having fun with others
so feeling lonely was more manageable than
feeling self pity!
better get on with it I guess and
if I still feel lonely I’ll call someone

Loneliness and despair

Quite often we overlook the pain men go through when their relationships go sour. This happens in the same way it does for women. However, women are more likely to share their distress whereas usually men are not so transparent. Some turn to drugs and give up on happiness. Loneliness and despair set in. They? isolate to deal with the loss and hurt. Nevertheless, the majority are survivers and in time they get to stand up and face Life again.

how bewildered he was when his partner left
what had gone wrong? He thought they were happy
was he not listening, should he have noticed more?
why didn’t anyone tell him? Maybe he could have
done something to save their love before it was too late
the alcohol and drugs ease the pain but
he still wakes up to the loneliness and despair
as he realises it’s over his mind plays tricks on him
is it really over? holding on to that empty wish
he reaches for the bottle!

where are you?

When we experience the loss of someone close, especially a relative, we may need to emotionally run away, physically going into hibernation to “lick our wounds of sorrow”. However, in doing so we don’t realise that we cause tremendous worry to our loved ones. Answer their calls and let them know you are OK and then retreat into your world of grief.

I’ve left several messages
where are you?
are you still alive?
I know you are in pain
grief does that
nevertheless, just let me know
you’re OK and then
I will patiently wait
for when you’re ready to talk