People who find recovery from addictions in a 12 Step program create close loving friendships together, which is the basis for this fellowship. It’s known that some members also find a soulmate or life partner in the 12 Step fellowship, when both partners have a strong recovery and are ready for an intimate relationship. In such cases a life partnership is rewarding because they share a way of life which they understand and which enhances their recovery choices. However, people need to be vigilant about 13th Step love. That’s what they call it when someone who is experienced with the 12 Step program gets involved with a member in recovery who is vulnerable and who is usually a new member (also see my other posts on the 13th Step which is the unofficial term for this involvement).
he resisted his feelings about her because
she was new in recovery and he was her guide
he had many years in the 12 Step fellowship
and was grateful for the sanity and serenity he had
but he was fooled about her level of recovery
because it was not her first time in the program
so when their relationship became intimate he had
hopeful plans for their future together
but then she relapsed and he realised
it had only been a 13th Step love
he took responsibility for the mistake as he was the more
experienced one and had needed to be more aware
she was now a ‘runaway train’ with her addiction and
they suffered in more ways than one
a painful lesson for both
I agree with your comment and visited and bookmarked the website where you have posted an article. You are obviously well informed on the subject. I will respond to your comment more fully in one of my posts this week as I believe people in recovery need to be reminded of the dangers of 13th Step love.
Good article and advice. I have always taken the high road on this but have seen many things happen, including long term, happy sobriety as the result–although more often, “disaster”. But it is rare for a true alcoholic to attain and maintain sobriety in any case. I posted a short article referencing this one at the link under my name.