Affie Adagio – Page 31 – Dr Affie Adagio

Spending addiction

We delight in the thought of going shopping when we want to lift our spirits. Everyone supports this by laughing about it when it’s mentioned. It is healthy fun except when it is a spending addiction. How do we know the difference? It’s a matter of whether the spending is affordable, not excessive, and above all does not create clutter by accumulating too much. Mainly when we feel uncomfortable about the spending and still do it then it needs attention.

she looked depressed and opened up to
how low her finances were and how hard
it is to feed small children as a sole parent
with no support from the father
her job was not paying well and the
expenses were high
there was no time nor money for
socialising and having fun with friends
her only delight was shopping sprees at
St. Vincents de Paul where she spent little
and got things she couldn’t otherwise afford
however her spending addiction was getting out of hand
in therapy she found out that by admitting it
half the problem is solved and she made a plan
to get her spirits lifted a healthier way

Wedding on the beach

It was one of those beautiful sunny days when the weather was pleasant, the golden beach gleamed and the sea sparkled. The ceremony was near Woy Woy, outside the Pearls on the Beach restaurant where the reception took place. A celebration to remember, the wedding on the beach.

It was picture perfect
after much searching they found this place
it provided the dreamlike background
they had wished for
with romance in the air they agreed to
love each other for the rest of their lives
as I pronounced them husband and wife
they sealed it with a kiss
then the party started
the food and drinks were delicious
there was Greek dancing which the
groom had asked for and
everyone loved the wedding on the beach
a celebration to remember

children acting out

Young toddlers are so cute and loveable. But children acting out can be so exhausting and perplexing for the parents especially. What causes them to be angels one minute and devils the next? Children go through phases of change and each transition has the good and the bad. However, if the disruptive behaviour continues, parents need to look at their own behaviour as children mirror that of their parents. Parents, are you tense and short tempered? Children can feel responsible for how their parents behave. When parents relax and remember to become loving, they role-model friendly behaviour and the children can copy that.

I asked the child whether he knew why his parents
seemed so serious with him lately?
he said he did not know why
so I explained that this happens to
other children too and that’s because
parents have such an important job
to teach their children what’s right or wrong,
how to do the right thing and
that his parents love him very much
he said sometimes it did not feel that way
and the other day he felt he
did not even belong in the family!
such a sad thought from someone so young
how easy it is for our children to
get the wrong impression

marco bump! photo by Giuseppe Crimeni, Marina di Gioiosa Jonica, Italy, http://www.webalice.it/krimeboy

Family Tree

How important it is to know our family history. It contributes to the formation of our identity. A family tree shows where we came from and how special some of those ancestors are. With that also comes the odd relative who was not so great. You take the good with the bad and it helps to understood who you are. That’s what makes happy times. Have you got your family tree?

my cousins took the time to prepare our history
for future generations
one made a huge frame with family photos
which meant nothing without the
documentation made by the other cousin
and it helped me to remember what
my parents had told me and I learnt more
making me feel as though I found a gem
I spent some happy times and
melancholic nostalgia as
most have passed away
nevertheless reliving the history
with my family tree
has reminded me of happy times

Passive Aggression

We all get angry but different people have different ways of behaving when they get angry. Some shout and others express themselves appropriately without throwing a tantrum. Then again there are those whose response is minimal but deep inside there is turmoil, so they withdraw. Nevertheless their behaviour shows they are unhappy and it is tense around them. That’s what is commonly known as passive aggression and not very helpful in a relationship. It is better for them and others that they at least attempt to express their feelings maturely rather than hold them inside which causes ill health, just as acting out angry behaviour aggressively also does.

for a long time she kept quiet when she was angry
that’s the way it had always been for her but
she had not realised that it was written on her face
all the frustration, the hurt and the pain
brought about by that anger
however it did not help in the long run even though she
had become good at passive aggression
as she practised a healthier way of communicating
she became more loveable and happier
only now and then she slipped back to the old ways
but at least nowadays it was for a shorter time because
she knew that it was so obviously
immature and unhealthy

Loneliness and despair

Quite often we overlook the pain men go through when their relationships go sour. This happens in the same way it does for women. However, women are more likely to share their distress whereas usually men are not so transparent. Some turn to drugs and give up on happiness. Loneliness and despair set in. They? isolate to deal with the loss and hurt. Nevertheless, the majority are survivers and in time they get to stand up and face Life again.

how bewildered he was when his partner left
what had gone wrong? He thought they were happy
was he not listening, should he have noticed more?
why didn’t anyone tell him? Maybe he could have
done something to save their love before it was too late
the alcohol and drugs ease the pain but
he still wakes up to the loneliness and despair
as he realises it’s over his mind plays tricks on him
is it really over? holding on to that empty wish
he reaches for the bottle!

Happy times again

Happy Happy Joy Joy photo by Tom de Bruin, Binfield UK

Life has ups and downs. Happiness brightens our days and then out of the blue come problems and pain which don’t seem to want to go away, and that darkens our days. Then we hope that the light at the end of the tunnel is sunshine and not an oncoming train. Eventually there are happy times again with sunlight and joy. We wonder why we felt it was so hopeless when this happens over and over throughout Life – and that is normal.

his eyes were happy and his smile was wide
he had happy times again
together we remembered how miserable
his life had been recently which had given him
the look of a victim, a miserable man
everything he touched turned sour until
things changed and he was back to his old
successful ways full of luck and happiness

Don’t give up on love

Love is our own emotion to do with as we please. We feel it for someone or we stop feeling that way. It is good when we love someone and it is painful when they stop loving us but they don’t take away the ability for us to love. It just causes us to withdraw for a while to heal our love wounds. Don’t give up on love when that happens because in time love blooms again and a powerful lesson is learnt too.

he loved her more than life itself
and would do anything for her to be happy
nevertheless it was not enough and she
left him stranded with the kids, toddlers at that!
then she returned only to leave again
this time with another in the middle of the night
she took one child and left the other
he was a good father as a sole parent
but he used to say “one life, one love”
and I would say “don’t give up on love”
one day he fell in love again
and how great it was to see his happiness

Friendship

Friendship is one of Life’s most valuable experiences. Whether it’s between friends or lovers, friendship is the basis of being soulmates and finding happiness. We enjoy being with our friends. They are there for us when we need them and we, in turn, try to do likewise. Furthermore, a loving relationship based on friendship has a better chance of being fulfilling and lasting.

I sat in a meeting and he shared that he knew
many people but did not have close friends
I was stunned at how profound that was
because it applied to me also
so I made a decision to leave myself open to
strengthening friendships with peers and
as the year passed I had a handful of
close friends – soulmates
friendship is so important to
having happiness in my Life

how

Happy and free

Human beings are meant to be happy and free. This can be achieved and maintained through keeping life simple and healthy. Making choices that are good for us can be relatively easy when we know what our needs and wants are and deciding the order of importance these are to us. Otherwise life becomes stressful and that is life threatening. Back to basics, we need to go and identify how to go about doing that which makes us happy and free.

I got the buzz out of achieving some things
excited and proud I did more and more
if only there were more hours in the day!
that’s when my alarm bell rang
how easy it is to get out of touch with what
is really important for me
in order to be happy and free
I have to get back to basics, keep things simple
or else the stress demon raises its
ugly head and before I know it
I am running around in circles!

Happy Couple photo by Alberto Camin Brazil