Author: Affie Adagio

Self sabotage

We make a plan of how we want to live our lives and somehow we stray off it. How can that be, we wonder? It sounded so good at the time of planning, with lots of reasons to succeed and then Life intervenes � or so we think. Nothing is accidental, at an unconscious level we know what we are doing and why. So we need to ask ourselves �what action are we going to take to avoid the self sabotage?� Only then success is ours.

happily keeping to my healthy plan
and then out of the blue I eat junk food
forget to exercise
and even worse
spend all my savings
what happened I ask myself?
where did this self sabotage come from?
fear of success?
maybe?!
what am I going to do about it?
self awareness is 50% of the resolution
starting again with the healthy plan
is the next step towards success

In moderation

This is the time of year when everyone celebrates with friends, workmates, and families. A good time at that, nevertheless it can be difficult if we are compelled to overdo the alcohol, food and late nights. What delight it is not to be driven to use to excess those substances and processes that cause us distress. It is not an easy task to do things in moderation but quite possible and fulfilling. The other option is to avoid those things that cause us problems and enjoy life with the things that we can moderate.

there was a time when Christmas caused me
fear and concern
because I knew that it was impossible
to not overeat all those foodstuffs harmful to
my health and wellbeing
for others it is the alcohol too
after much therapy and personal development
this time of the year is now enjoyable for me too
I know what to eat and what to avoid
and enjoy the festive season as I should
may it be so for you too

Empty

We sometimes feel empty and refuse to acknowledge this feeling. Not that it is such a great way to feel nevertheless it is one of our feelings and therefore deserves to be owned and not buried. Of what benefit is such a feeling of emptiness? I guess it makes way for something to come in to that space – love, happiness, fear and more. So sit with that emptiness and recognise its usefulness.

I sat and searched within
for something to write about
and there was nothing
I was empty
at first fear raced in
and then I owned the feeling
it is mine and it makes space
for more
nothing to fear about being empty
it is only temporary!

Laughter as therapy

When loss happens we can become seriously unhappy and dangerously depressed. Not realising how sadness has affected our health, someone or something may cause us to laugh and then we feel alive once more. Laughter as therapy can heal some of the hurt that loss brings.

I suffered pain as a result of loss
not realising how serious and depressed
I had become
I shared some crazy moments
of my past life with you
and when you laughed wholeheartedly
I noticed how I needed that and what
fun it was
laughter as therapy is easy
and costs nothing

the loss of a parent

It is a very sad moment when a parent dies, especially after appearing cheery on your last visit in hospital and they give you a warm hug. What makes it harder is if you had a good loving relationship and experienced unconditional love. The pain stays with us at different degrees for the rest of our lives.

You said “Mum’s gone” and burst into tears
I said “oh no, I’m so sorry for your loss”
we had hoped for more time
even though we both knew that it could happen
because she had been so sick,
it was still a shock and it threw me back
40 years ago when I lost my Dad
here I am up at 2a.m. thinking about
how much it hurts at the loss of a parent
my thoughts are with you at this
very sad time

where are you?

When we experience the loss of someone close, especially a relative, we may need to emotionally run away, physically going into hibernation to “lick our wounds of sorrow”. However, in doing so we don’t realise that we cause tremendous worry to our loved ones. Answer their calls and let them know you are OK and then retreat into your world of grief.

I’ve left several messages
where are you?
are you still alive?
I know you are in pain
grief does that
nevertheless, just let me know
you’re OK and then
I will patiently wait
for when you’re ready to talk

romantic love

A lot can be said for romantic love as the springboard for a long-term relationship. It creates moments of thinking alike, enjoying the same things, being able to finish each other’s sentences and feeling totally understood by a significant other. The future looks promising and full of dreams. Such romantic love sees us through moments of confusion and gives us the patience to improve our relating skills as we transcend to the next stage of our loving relationship.

Cupid’s arrow struck and we found
romantic love
too blind to notice any flaws
we travelled over the
rocky road of our relationship
passion fuelled our love
and in time we developed
a loving relationship that
nurtured companionship
how absolutely marvellous!

What is violence?

Don’t fool yourself into thinking that being passionate about your expression is not violence. What is violence? Shouting, swearing, intimidating, bullying, overpowering, threatening are not just being honest – it is violence. There is no excuse for violence. This is a problem not only with men towards women but also women towards men, adults towards children, children towards each other and as statistics show children towards adults – especially their parents. It is true that adults do role-model behaviour which children copy and therefore adults need to be held responsible for that outcome. Assess your own behaviour before you blame others, but don’t put up with violence.

so many people explain away other people’s
terrible behaviour in the hope that it
will change
they also blame themselves
what is violence?
anything someone does
which distresses and intimidates us
reach out for help when that happens
it will only get worse if
you put up with it

we teach what we need to learn

Have you heard yourself tell people how to solve their latest problem. When your suggestion is appreciated you are making a constructive point. That point could also be something you need to take note of yourself for we teach what we need to learn.

faced with an unsolvable problem
I felt too exasperated to
think about it any more!
then in response to someone’s dilemma
I heard myself give
a helpful solution to my own problem
this reminded me that
we teach what we need to learn

purpose and direction

Finishing a task always helps us to feel that we have been productive in life. Having purpose and direction is extremely important to our wellbeing. Achievement fuels our self-esteem. There is a sense of completion of unfinished business that is always positive no matter how small the task.

I procrastinated and delayed the completion of my task
I knew that I would become motivated eventually
that thought did help, somewhat
as the anxiety lessened about the task
I found the ‘get up and go’ to tackle it
and how great it feels to have finished
at last