Affie Adagio – Page 8 – Dr Affie Adagio

Adam Lambert: American Idol audience prejudice

I don’t usually follow talent shows because the final choice is quite often unexpected. Nevertheless, as I flicked onto one of the American Idol shows with Adam Lambert performing, my hair stood on end at the talent of this man. His voice and performance was iconic. Every time there was a new segment I watched with anticipation and recommended it to others.

He is a star in the making and everyone who watched him with me agreed. We got goosebumps every time he performed. He may have sometimes looked Gothic and with his black nail-polish could be misinterpreted but he was pure talent and the judges even gave him standing ovations. Adam changed his appearance to suit the genre assigned for that particular show, and any mentor supervising their performances could only confirm the enormity of his unique talent.

At that stage rumours abounded that he was gay too. Nevertheless, his talent was undoubtedly iconic no matter what his sexual preferences were. I expected that Americans would be far more progressive than they proved to be in the final vote.

When Adam did not win American Idol even the winner, Kris Allen, admitted he expected Adam deserved the award. Kris, the winner was talented in a traditional way but Adam was undoubtedly exceptional. I even taped his performances, something I had not done ever before. I imagined he was this generation’s Elvis Presley or Freddie Mercury, yet he fit in with KISS and Santana in the final show.

So when he did not win, I was convinced America’s bible belt had pushed for a majority vote against him.? I could just hear the religious leaders saying to their parishioners “make sure everyone votes for someone other than Adam who will lead our youth astray”.

Then Adam made it known that he is gay and good for him.

Well, it was obviously a prejudiced vote and I pledged I would not watch American Idol again.
And I haven’t since. Americans need to lift their game or they will be seen by the rest of the world as being backwards. No wonder more and more people are turning away from religions.

So Adam, you will exceed and there are many worldwide who can see your talent and we are waiting for your CD’s. I am looking forward to the day that you become the star you deserve to be. And you will be.

Bougainville Seminar a Success

The Bougainville Women’s Seminar in International Women’s Day Week on Wednesday 11th March in State Parliament House was a success. It was in the Theaterette and attended by over 80 people. However, the Lateline DVD which had worked well at Humanist House previously did not work in the Theaterette.

Waratah Rosemarie Gillespie who had experienced some of the trauma in Bougainville, and wrote a book with sworn statements from Bougainvilleans, spoke explaining those statements some of which were read out by several actors of note such as Lynda Stoner, Andrew Vial, Fran Macpherson, Isobel Kirk, Gillian Levett, Janice Potten, Jonathan Marshall and Sean Foley.

The Chorus of Women in their attractive red outfits sang several meaningful songs to enhance the occasion.

Joanne Dateransi one of the Bougainvillean women who had experienced the trauma, was brought out by Waratah with the help of Ann Young as well as finances from the Humanist Society of NSW, members of the UNAANSW Executive Committee, and WILPF NSW.? These organisations had joined together to convene this event.? Joanne was to be the keynote speaker and had applied for a 3 month visa but had only been given a month visa by the Australian High Commission. Also her trip was full of obstacles so that she arrived 1 hour after the seminar. Why the sabotage?! Therefore, some of her speaking engagements which had been shown in the letters of invitation had to be cancelled.? Nevertheless, as the Convenor, I was able? to arrange for Joanne to speak at HumSocNSW, UNAANSW Executive Committee and WILPF NSW. Waratah managed to get Joanne to speak at the Open Forum and some other venues. We also managed to have 2SER interview Joanne on air. So we were able to make the best of her limited visit.

Furthermore, Valerie Weekes and Dr. Stefania Siedlecky spoke at the Seminar on the UNAA Resolution 1325 which, put simply, has to do with women being consulted in disputes before war is declared.

The book written by Waratah Rosemarie Gillespie: “Running with Rebels, behind the lies in Bougainville’s hidden war” (Ginibi Productions) was ready for sale at the seminar and I highly recommend it. For information about where it can be purchased contact me on 0421 101 163.

Oddly enough, after media releases were sent out to several media sources there was no media covering the event, apart from 2SER. What can we think other than there is apathy for the atrocities experienced by people in that war, or that mining companies put pressure on the media to keep everything quiet! Regardless of this sabotage we overcame and people heard the truth about the situation.

Our thanks to Lee Rhiannon MLC who was our host at the Seminar and made the opening speech.

The women of Bougainville who are the landowners will fight to keep the mining company giant out of their land, unless their needs are met.

Bougainville Women Seminar

An interview with Dr. Affie Adagio:

“These statements from the people in Bougainville just brought me to tears,” said Dr Affie Adagio, when she announced that the statemnts would be read out publicly. “What happened in Bougainville needs to be known. It was truly awful,” she said.

“I was helping Waratah Rosemarie Gillespie out by typing the sworn statements to go in her book Running with Rebels, behind the lies in Bougainville’s hidden war (Ginibi Productions). The statements are so powerful and so terrible I felt I needed to do something myself so I have organised for them to be read out by actors at the Theaterette in Parliament House at 2pm. on Wednesday 11th March.”

“It’s appropriate that this is International Women’s Week,” Dr Adagio said, “because in Bougainville the women are the landowners. They started the war on Bougainville because they didn’t want their stolen land dug up for copper.”

“That all happened 20 years ago and the mine is still shut down,” she said. “Those women were truly strong. They had to be.? Australia sent over guns and helicopters to kill them so the mine could be reoponed. The PNG soldiers went on a rampage of rape, torture, looting, burning and killing. We have sworn statements about what happened. And they tried to kill Waratah too, to stop her taking medicines to the hospital through the blockade that Australia put on the island.”

“This record of bad behaviour needs to be confronted loudly and publicly,” Dr Adagio explained. “What we forget becomes repeated”

“We are bringing Joanne Apea-Bosco-Dateransi, a landowner from Panguna, down to tell us about the situation on Bougainville now.”

Everyone is welcome to come to NSW Parliament House in Macquarie Street, at 2pm on Wednesday 11th March to hear the reading. $10 (or $5 for concession/students). This is to help us pay Joanne’s fare from Bougainville and for light refreshments afterwards.

Lynda Stoner, Andrew Vial, Fran Macpherson, Isobel Kirk, Gillian Levett, Jonathan Marshall and others are helping by coming to read out the some of the statements. So this should be an impressive event.

Dr Affie Adagio may be contacted for further comments: 0421 101 163

PROGRAM

Seminar Commemorating International Women’s Day –
Strength of the Women of Bougainville

The Humanist Society of NSW, The United Nations Association of Australia (UNAA NSW), and
The Women’s International League for Peace and Feedom (WILPF NSW)

Theaterette, State Parliament House, Macquarie Street Sydney

Wednesday 11 March 2009: 2-5pm
Opened by Lee Rhiannon, MLC

Dr. Affie Adagio as MC

Hear about the strength of the Women of Bougainville who made world history

Waratah Rosemarie Gillespie will share some of her experiences on
Bougainville – woven with the wisdom of the women of theland.

Sworn Statements of eyewitnesses in Bougainville will be read out by actors
such as: Lynda Stoner, Andrew Vial, Belinda Giblin, Fran Macpherson, Isobel Kirk,
Gillian Levett, Janice Potten and Jonathan Marshall

A short documentary Lateline film will be screened followed by
Joanne Apea-Bosco-Dateransi, a landowner from Panguna

Women’s Chorus singing songs celebrating IWD

UN Resolution 1325: Valerie Weekes presenting a talk on the rights of women
in conflict situations. Dr. Stefania Sidelecky presenting WILPF 1325 update

Light Refreshments provided at 4.30pm
Enquiries: (02) 4787 1446 or email: BougainvilleWomen@gmail.com

13th Stepping Protection

setting foot on the ceiling 3, photo by Thiago Tavares, Maringa, Brazil, semcriatividade.com/tchago, sex addiction

A discussion has evolved from my post on the practice of 13th Stepping – having sex with a person who is more vulnerable than yourself. There have been comments denigrating the 12 Step program, partly blaming 13th stepping. Having worked for over 20 years in the recovery field I can only say that if someone criticises the 12 Step program and fellowship then they are ignorant about how beneficial and lifesaving it is for those who suffer from addiction. There are other programs such as cognitive behavioural therapies which may work for those who commit fully to them but nevertheless larger numbers have benefited from the 12 Step program. Now I will deal with this particular request:

If anyone has any ideas about how to curb 13th stepping at meetings, i would love to hear it. I feel so protective of the other young women at meetings, and I want to do whatever is within my power to encourage self respect, dignity, and focus on recovery. It took a lot of pain for me to see how abusive I was with 13th stepping people, and how abused I let myself be. I would like to do what i can to help these girls make better choices than I have. Thank you, Lauren K

Single people in early recovery are discouraged from entering into relationships because the idea of successful recovery is when you first develop a healthy relationship with self. That’s a life skill which needs honing before success can be achieved in a relationship with another person. However, in the fellowship as in any other part of life such as church groups, cultural associations or sporting clubs etc, lust and love tempt us into relationships which are perhaps too soon, therefore temporary and unsuccessful. Finding partners in the fellowship can be an end result that is fulfilling because it is within a mutual program and the communication is understood. However, there are in the fellowship a minority of people who are not ethical just as there are a larger number of people with integrity and who are good role models for recovery. The strategy for those who may be inclined to be 13th Stepped is to remember that in recovery I am not responsible for the disease but I am responsible for my recovery and therefore report any love interest to your sponsor and be guided. Look on it as being for a short time and when you are strong in your recovery you can choose the right partner more wisely. If you are like Lauren K and notice 13th Stepping in meetings, (1) one way of dealing with your fears is to share, when your turn comes, what you see and feel about the 13th Stepping going on, without mentioning names. (2) Another way is to ask that the topic at your meeting be “how to stop 13th Stepping” and this will mean that when people share on the topic the message will perhaps hit home to those who are the perpetrators. (3) Another way is to ask for a guest speaker who will speak on the subject at the beginning of the meeting. (4) If all else fails, or as well as, you can call for a group conscience meeting especially to ask for that problem to be dealt with, or attend the next group conscience meeting and put the subject on the agenda for discussion. (5) It will be more effective if you set up a group (2-3 members) who will act on this issue. Maybe you will find out another way of doing it but at least you have some suggestions to begin with.

When motivation waxes and wanes

Energy can seem to disappear when motivation becomes low. It is important not to hand over our power to the negative feelings which are also affected by negative associations. Notice how invincible we feel when motivation is high and we then have the energy to reach great achievements. So when motivation waxes and wanes we need to remember that it is a natural occurrence and not allow ourselves to over react one way or the other. Some strategies are listening to relaxing music, writing, reading, dancing, drawing, yoga, walking and many other options including regular medication as required, meeting with people we like, discussing our state with a therapist, mentor or priest. Quite often lack of motivation can create problems in recovery from obsessive compulsions and it becomes extremely hard to stay committed to the program we have chosen. At such times, rather than resort to substance or process abuse to relieve our pain, we can use whatever has worked in the past that results in a healthy outcome.

I have had some minor health problems lately
and this had affected my motivation causing
it to wax and wane
so I gave myself permission to take it easy
and I repeated affirmations such as
I am a magnate for good health
I am a magnate for a happy secure life
because otherwise I could be absorbed by
the negativity of ill health
already I am finding myself more motivated

Up and down 1, photo by sanja gjenero, Zagreb, Croatia

Love and music keeps us alive

No matter how happy we are living alone we need love and music to keep us alive and happy. Notice how feelings change when we put music on. When the music is adagio, the heart warms and the serotonin is released making us relax. The same applies to other music such as some Chopin or Mozart, once played in psychiatric wards to calm the patients. Heavy metal music although popular with some youth, I found creates hostile behaviour. Romantic and country music may create more depression in lonely or depressed people. Admittedly, there are some who are affected differently than others. Nevertheless, one of most healing processes is love with soothing music or even Latin American – think of how many times the tune ‘Sway‘ has been popular over the decades.

as I spent many hours studying
sometimes bored, sometimes stressed
I put on some classical music to calm me
one such CD was Mozart and one melody in particular
grabbed my heart, figuratively speaking,
like no other had ever done before
in checking it out, it was one of his adagio melodies
more research with other composers resulted in
discovering more adagio pieces with the same result
so I decided that something that could bring out
loving feelings similar to what chocolate or a lover does
deserves to be my surname
what better way to choose a name!

Obesity in young girls

I had a comment from Renee about a problem they were experiencing, which is worth writing a post on here. Many families are faced with the discomfort that a member’s compulsion can cause. There is a concern for what is obvious and then struggling with a need to not cause distress for the person in question, as can be seen in this plea:

Was wondering if anyone could help on an issue that my partner and I are having with his daughter. We have custody of her week on/week off. She is 10 years old and a beautiful girl but her weight is beginning to spiral out of control. She is now in a size 14 and around 50 kilos. We give her nothing but healthy food and we walk together but she has begun to steal food. It started with occassional pieces of chocolate leftover from celebrations to taking chocolate that was for a friends son for Xmas. It is only getting worse. She now rarely eats her dinner, preferring to sneak food into her room to eat. Her mother is not a great help as she often sends whole large bags of chips or lollies with her. My partners daughter will not talk about anything instead getting angry at us for finding out, she will not admit to what she has done. We really just want to help her! What can we do?

Imagine that the substance and behaviour were not food but rather a drug, would you be afraid to sit down with your partner’s daughter and discuss the problem? The same applies for compulsive eating as for any other compulsion. Of course she is uncomfortable to talk about it and becomes defensive – that’s how compulsive behaviour presents itself. You may be afraid that if you speak to her she may become anorexic. Better to ask her to talk to you both about something of concern. Make sure you use a nurturing method of talking. Explain that your concern is about her eating patterns and her weight gain. Ask her how she feels about it. If she continues to stand her ground then it is better that you see a therapist to help you plan a strategy. You may even take her to a doctor who can determine that she is obese and write a letter to give to the mother requesting that she stop contributing to the child’s obesity. Remember to use a nurturing tone at all times because fear can sometimes make us sound angry and that does not have a good outcome.

Tummy, photo by Kia Abell, United States

Visitor weddings

I promised to let you know why some visitors to Australia come here to get married because it is not possible to marry in their own country. I also wrote that as I was not exactly sure why this was the case I would wait for the next such wedding and then after more research I would let you know the facts. The reason is quite simple really. In a country where there is a main religion, the partner who is not of that religion needs to change to the religion of the land for a marriage to take place in the church. Here in our country inter-religious marriages have become easier in some cases. Back to the case of marriages in countries outside Australia – when a couple wished to have a civil marriage in such a country, red tape can take so long that it becomes thwarting. So couples visit other countries, bring back the formal documentation which is then recognised and registered in their own country.

I conducted a wedding for a couple from overseas where in their country it was
difficult to have a wedding due to his different religion
so once they lodged the notice of intended marriage in the due time
they flew over and I conducted their marriage in the Royal Botanic Gardens
with the Opera House and Harbour Bridge in the background
it was a delight and the photographer took some impressive pictures
he then took them to other attractive scenic spots where
more pictures were taken, finishing off in their hotel lobby
the couple then flew off to Fiji for their honeymoon…
a marriage to remember

Married, photo by Crystal Leigh Shearin, Rocky Mount, United States

Willingness to be abstinent

People who are torn apart by their addiction can lose years struggling to find happiness. Having unhealthy behaviour, whether it is substance or process excesses, keeps us from finding fulfilment and serenity. Nevertheless, only when we become willing to go to any lengths to gain recovery are we able to achieve this freedom. The willingness to be abstinent is not so easy as it sounds. That is why it can be achieved with help from professionals and from self help groups where people have the experience to share about how they did it. Such groups are primarily the 12 Steps fellowship and/or SMART Recovery. The important thing to remember is NOT TO STOP SEARCHING FOR A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM.

he had so much knowledge about recovery
yet he kept relapsing and was miserable
sometimes he felt that his life was hopeless
and that he should end it
nevertheless he did not give up
33 detox attempts still did not help
then one day like a bolt of lightening
he came out of the tunnel and the
light was not an oncoming train
instead he saw the sun and the trees
his only regret was the years he had wasted
until he found the willingness to be abstinent
at least it was ‘better late than never’!

Breakthrough, photo by Stefanie L., Meppen, Germany,

Know your limitations

I cannot stress enough that people who are not experienced or qualified need to know their limitations when it comes to providing guidance or therapy to those who are afflicted with dysfunctional or addictive behaviours. I am being approached by so many visitors to this website who think that they can help by accommodating or enabling an addiction otherwise the person depending on them will die. Such people at times have risked their own and their children’s happiness and wellbeing in the belief that their partner is more important. The best action is to refer the afflicted person to a therapist and to also get help themselves to process the trauma they have experienced. Here is the answer I gave to one such comment.

Christy, your life is not only miserable but you have the responsibility of providing a safe upbringing for your children. Your husband is obviously in the clutches of addiction and so it is up to you to rescue yourself and your children. You have several options. You can leave him and set yourself up (and your children) in a new life free of his addiction. You can get help from a therapist specialising in this field and/or others who have had the same experiences and have succeeded in changing their lifestyles, like members of a 12 Step fellowship. Staying in the same situation and not doing anything about it, or just griping about it is not an option, particularly because you have the children to protect. So tell me what your decision is.

Shadow of a friend, photo by Marco Caliulo, Salerno, Italy