Category: Relationships

There is no excuse for blaming how we feel on someone or something outside ourselves, because our emotions come from within in response to our environment and not the other way around. In other words I am responsible for my feelings and can control how much life impacts on me.

when I point the finger of blame outward
three fingers are pointing back at me
as I am responsible for my feelings of
boredom, anger, resentment, fear and so on
therefore I need to change them to positive feelings of
happiness, contentment, fun, love and so on
for that I am responsible to act upon

When we use the term “without being attached to the outcome” it means that we express ourselves with integrity in order to communicate our innermost feelings and not with the intention of making a person do what we want them to do. If the outcome is positive and the other person makes amends because of their behaviour then that is a bonus. However, it is a risk to expect that outcome when expressing our feelings and therefore becomes manipulative which is dysfunctional and counterproductive.

I have learnt that it is important to
express myself sincerely and calmly
without being attached to the outcome
in other words saying how I feel
without the need for a positive outcome
although one is welcomed, when it happens
I express myself for my serenity and not to get
the other person to acknowledge their contribution!
that’s the true art of empowerment

Someone says something that hurts and our feelings are crushed. That only occurs when we have low self-esteem otherwise we chuckle at it. If we let it affect us badly then we become resentful – resentment is a cancer which needs to be dealt with before it spreads and does damage to our psyche. The solution is recognising that the hurt feeling is our own and then communicating in a calm manner with the person in question to clarify what happened without being attached to the outcome. Taking responsibility for our contribution which at worst may only be a misunderstanding could be all it takes to feel better.

it just appears as a small discontent
but as it grows resentment is a cancer which
needs to be treated early before it becomes
terminal!
how?! owning it as being my problem not yours!
next checking out gently what you meant
and then making amends
it’s as easy as that
try it!

Parents who experience ‘empty nest’, when their children leave home to start up their own household, find they are faced with mixed feelings. The feeling of happiness as a result of a job well done and the feeling of loss for those they have nurtured so long. It is an expected event but we don’t think that it will cause pain and yet it does, even though there is also relief from the responsibility parenthood has been. Not that the responsibility is totally over when they leave home for it is still there to some extent.

she had her birthday yesterday
and he had his a week ago
39 and 40 respectively
they have their own families
and their children also bring me
pleasure and joy as a Nana
nevertheless although my offspring
have done me proud
the empty nest cries out to me now and then
even years later
and I just have to work through it
understanding that this is life

A lot can be said for romantic love as the springboard for a long-term relationship. It creates moments of thinking alike, enjoying the same things, being able to finish each other’s sentences and feeling totally understood by a significant other. The future looks promising and full of dreams. Such romantic love sees us through moments of confusion and gives us the patience to improve our relating skills as we transcend to the next stage of our loving relationship.

Cupid’s arrow struck and we found
romantic love
too blind to notice any flaws
we travelled over the
rocky road of our relationship
passion fuelled our love
and in time we developed
a loving relationship that
nurtured companionship
how absolutely marvellous!

Don’t fool yourself into thinking that being passionate about your expression is not violence. What is violence? Shouting, swearing, intimidating, bullying, overpowering, threatening are not just being honest – it is violence. There is no excuse for violence. This is a problem not only with men towards women but also women towards men, adults towards children, children towards each other and as statistics show children towards adults – especially their parents. It is true that adults do role-model behaviour which children copy and therefore adults need to be held responsible for that outcome. Assess your own behaviour before you blame others, but don’t put up with violence.

so many people explain away other people’s
terrible behaviour in the hope that it
will change
they also blame themselves
what is violence?
anything someone does
which distresses and intimidates us
reach out for help when that happens
it will only get worse if
you put up with it

Have you heard yourself tell people how to solve their latest problem. When your suggestion is appreciated you are making a constructive point. That point could also be something you need to take note of yourself for we teach what we need to learn.

faced with an unsolvable problem
I felt too exasperated to
think about it any more!
then in response to someone’s dilemma
I heard myself give
a helpful solution to my own problem
this reminded me that
we teach what we need to learn

We fall in love and think it is for the rest of our lives. Then the time comes when we cause more pain to each other than it is humanly possible to take. The thought of failure stops us from doing what is best. The children suffer to see their parents fight – not a very good example for marriage. Some folks are smart enough to seek help from counselling and the solution takes place. Others think counselling is shameful or ridiculous and their unhappiness is prolonged. Sometimes nothing can salvage the relationship and it is far better to part, providing it is done in a healthy way. Then those involved will learn from the experience rather than just suffer trauma.

my life with you promised to be
a dream come true
what happened that it all turned
into so much pain?
was it me, was it you?
then separation was the only
answer
the end of a dream
as we carefully explained it
to the children and hoped
that they would understand
why it had to end

It’s nearly the end of the year again, reminding me how time flies. Remembering the time gone by I realise thirty years have passed and it seems as though it was yesterday. The memories are good and bad. Each brings back musical tunes, smells, tastes, feelings like in the here and now. Reminiscing has its therapeutic value even when it involves grief.

how good to remember that tune
“and they call it puppy love”
brings back the feeling
exactly how it was then
nevertheless my heart flutters now
as it did when I first heard that song
yet it was decades ago
amazing!

Some people believe in karma and the debt, others think that karma is superstition or a belief in the supernatural. Regardless of which worldview we have it is much more productive and even healthier to do things in life that can be repeated by others to benefit humanity .

they say what goes ‘round comes ‘round
reap and ye shall sow
do unto others as you would have them
do unto you
doesn’t matter which text you believe in
it all means the same
the karmic debt will be paid
eventually!