Spending addiction

mother and children at doctor, photo by Jyn Meyer, Spokane, United States,  depressed, therapy  We delight in the thought of going shopping when we want to lift our spirits. Everyone supports this by laughing about it when it’s mentioned. It is healthy fun except when it is a spending addiction. How do we know the difference? It’s a matter of whether the spending is affordable, not excessive, and above all does not create clutter by accumulating too much. Mainly when we feel uncomfortable about the spending and still do it then it needs attention.

she looked depressed and opened up to
how low her finances were and how hard
it is to feed small children as a sole parent
with no support from the father
her job was not paying well and the
expenses were high
there was no time nor money for
socialising and having fun with friends
her only delight was shopping sprees at
St. Vincents de Paul where she spent little
and got things she couldn’t otherwise afford
however her spending addiction was getting out of hand
in therapy she found out that by admitting it
half the problem is solved and she made a plan
to get her spirits lifted a healthier way

Family Tree

metaphoto 2, photo by Anton Malan, Pretoria, South Africa, family treeHow important it is to know our family history. It contributes to the formation of our identity. A family tree shows where we came from and how special some of those ancestors are. With that also comes the odd relative who was not so great. You take the good with the bad and it helps to understood who you are. That’s what makes happy times. Have you got your family tree?

my cousins took the time to prepare our history
for future generations
one made a huge frame with family photos
which meant nothing without the
documentation made by the other cousin
and it helped me to remember what
my parents had told me and I learnt more
making me feel as though I found a gem
I spent some happy times and
melancholic nostalgia as
most have passed away
nevertheless reliving the history
with my family tree
has reminded me of happy times

Passive Aggression

miserly witch photo by uc sesselle Adegem, Belgium passive aggressionWe all get angry but different people have different ways of behaving when they get angry. Some shout and others express themselves appropriately without throwing a tantrum. Then again there are those whose response is minimal but deep inside there is turmoil, so they withdraw. Nevertheless their behaviour shows they are unhappy and it is tense around them. That’s what is commonly known as passive aggression and not very helpful in a relationship. It is better for them and others that they at least attempt to express their feelings maturely rather than hold them inside which causes ill health, just as acting out angry behaviour aggressively also does.

for a long time she kept quiet when she was angry
that’s the way it had always been for her but
she had not realised that it was written on her face
all the frustration, the hurt and the pain
brought about by that anger
however it did not help in the long run even though she
had become good at passive aggression
as she practised a healthier way of communicating
she became more loveable and happier
only now and then she slipped back to the old ways
but at least nowadays it was for a shorter time because
she knew that it was so obviously
immature and unhealthy

Loneliness and despair

lonesome photo by Dawn Allynn Tijerus USA www.dawnallynn.com despair painQuite often we overlook the pain men go through when their relationships go sour. This happens in the same way it does for women. However, women are more likely to share their distress whereas usually men are not so transparent. Some turn to drugs and give up on happiness. Loneliness and despair set in. They? isolate to deal with the loss and hurt. Nevertheless, the majority are survivers and in time they get to stand up and face Life again.

how bewildered he was when his partner left
what had gone wrong? He thought they were happy
was he not listening, should he have noticed more?
why didn’t anyone tell him? Maybe he could have
done something to save their love before it was too late
the alcohol and drugs ease the pain but
he still wakes up to the loneliness and despair
as he realises it’s over his mind plays tricks on him
is it really over? holding on to that empty wish
he reaches for the bottle!

Don’t give up on love

Love photo by Ann-Kathrin Rehse, Göttingen, Germany happinessLove is our own emotion to do with as we please. We feel it for someone or we stop feeling that way. It is good when we love someone and it is painful when they stop loving us but they don’t take away the ability for us to love. It just causes us to withdraw for a while to heal our love wounds. Don’t give up on love when that happens because in time love blooms again and a powerful lesson is learnt too.

he loved her more than life itself
and would do anything for her to be happy
nevertheless it was not enough and she
left him stranded with the kids, toddlers at that!
then she returned only to leave again
this time with another in the middle of the night
she took one child and left the other
he was a good father as a sole parent
but he used to say “one life, one love”
and I would say “don’t give up on love”
one day he fell in love again
and how great it was to see his happiness

Befriending negative feelings

gasp as you photo by Kristen Handfield Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada http://sassmuffin.deviantart.com/ http://www.sxc.hu/photo/139431 negative feelings Some people think that we need to rid ourselves of negative feelings when in actual fact that would only result in pushing them down into the pressure cooker of our inner world. This will result in a volcanic eruption when we least expect it. More useful is befriending negative feelings and realising that they are valuable to us when we reframe them for a positive outcome.

negative feelings can be frightening
and she tried to bury them
feelings of anger, self pity, resentment
until someone pointed out that
befriending negative feelings turns them
into fuel for living a full happy life
they call that reframing the negative into a positive!
much better than when she used up all that energy
to bury them and they explode unexpectedly as well!

gasp as you photo by Kristen Handfield Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada http://sassmuffin.deviantart.com/

Otherwise occupied

Behold: photo by Arjun Chennu, India sxc.hu 503896 http://arjmage.blogspot.comIt is far better to let go of hurt created by someone else rather than to take it personally because we do not know what is going on for them, and it may not be as it appears. Confident people just go on after such an experience whereas those who are not will be doing “head miles” about it. That can only contaminate our thinking and in turn our lives. We are better off to be otherwise occupied.

I must say I was disappointed by your response
to my suggestion that we meet
it was a surprise but then again
maybe you were not alone or
maybe you thought there was more to it
than there actually was
nevertheless, I am now
otherwise occupied

photo by Arjun Chennu India http://arjmage.blogspot.com/