gratitude – Page 3 – Dr Affie Adagio

Loving and caring at Christmas

Christmas time can be exciting or upsetting or both. When there is enough money to pay the bills and to spend on presents and holiday activities most people find it exciting. On the other hand, a shortage of money to do those things can be somewhat depressing. Yet, regardless of their circumstances, people generally have managed to enjoy themselves at this time of the year. A deciding factor is also how a person experienced Christmas in their childhood. Some families with limited finances had a wonderful time at Christmas and learnt to laugh and enjoy the festivities which created happy memories for them. Others who were fortunate enough to have the money to shop and to perhaps go on holidays too, also have good memories. Then again those people who were unhappy as children remember the pain at Christmas, so for them it is an unhappy time which hopefully they try to grow out of in time. It’s heartening though to remember that there are many people who work together to make life better at Christmas for those who are not as fortunate as others and who need all the loving and caring they can get – financially and emotionally.

she remembered how sad her childhood was
as her family was so poor that they ate
bread and dripping as a treat but
at Christmas time it was a happy time
no matter how little money they had
although her father gambled his pension away
there was always some sort of presents
for her and her brother and sister
as she got older she realised that
her mother created that miracle
it was so important to them having
something to look forward to every year
they even got to go on holidays to the
town her father came from where they visited
their grandparents who gave them more presents
no wonder it is so important to her
that her children enjoy Christmas time

Soulmate

Successful relationships can take place between people who are not soulmates. This is because soulmates can sometimes be just good friends. Nevertheless, when a loving relationship involves a lover who is also a soulmate then it is considered by some to be ideal. So if you’re searching for the ideal partner make a list of all the pros and cons of such a person – it is important to show both what you want and what you don’t want in a relationship. In doing that you raise your awareness of the type of person that will suit you best. Everything in life needs a blueprint and likewise relationships do too. Make sure that you are meticulous in making your list and then affirm it by thinking positive about finding your soulmate and life partner.

he had been unlucky in his choice of partners
someone who had appeared to be a soulmate
turned out to be codependent hell
he wanted to stop repeating this mistake
his life coach suggested he make a written list
of the likes and dislikes he had about
a future loving relationship
she said it was a phenomenon that worked
but she stressed that he make sure he
does not leave anything out from the list
he laughed because he thought it stupid
but he did it because she’d been right before
about some important things
not long after he found his wife and soulmate
and ten years later they have a life
he wouldn’t have believed was possible
children, security, love, fun and
above all sanity and serenity

Amor junto al río, photo by Hernan Herrero, Capital Federal, Argentina

Thought becomes reality

We can talk ourselves into negativity or out of it, because thought becomes reality. Sports events are preceded by pep talks for the contestants and this an expected practice with professionals whose primary role is to boost the motivation of the team members. The same applies in life for everyone, children, adults men, women, young and old. We all need a pep talk sometimes and better still is our belief in the power of positive thinking.

I was learning to paint landscapes in oils
my friend and teacher used to finish off each one
just a little black stroke here and there
made the piece look more professional and saleable
I promised the next one to a charity function
and as I began my work my teacher had to go
leaving me high and dry
at first I saw my work go from bad to worse in minutes
as the function was on the next day I was desperate
then I realised that thought becomes reality so
I began saying “I can do it, I can do it, I can do it”
as I continued on with my painting
again before my very eyes my work transformed
and by the time I finished I had produced
an Australian bush landscape that I was
not only surprised with but also
extremely proud of because of
my thought processes

The clown in addiction

In life we need fun and laughter to stay healthy. When it is missing then we turn to substances and or processes that lift our spirits. Unfortunately, using such means results in repetitive behaviour which is not fulfilling because eventually whatever we do isn’t enough. The clown in addiction can be a cover up for immense unhappiness and low self esteem. In other circumstances, the clown is a fun performance for the audience to enjoy.

as she spoke to me about the sadness and abuse
she had experienced all her life up till now
she chuckled often at the most traumatic recollections
as a therapist I was obliged to give her feedback on this
pointing out that incongruous behaviour was not unusual
in codependence and addictions
she quickly understood the message about
the clown in addiction
and this insight, although it hurt a little
no pain no gain they say
helped her to be more authentic about
her feelings and therefore closer
to resolving the turmoil inside
serenity at last

False modesty

So many times when we compliment someone on their talent they negate our perception. This is sometimes because of low self-esteem, or because they have not learnt the social graces to respond in gratitude, or because they prefer to be modest. Nevertheless it all comes down to false modesty. It is apparent when someone exhibits false modesty. They not only reject the praise offered but they insult the person who gives it only to then show that they are indeed talented. When someone praises you then just say thank you, that’s all that’s required and the exchange is then positive and complete.

she had a beautiful voice and
everyone present knew it
and so did she
then someone invited her to sing
she refused in a manner that
was one of modesty
however it was a false modesty
because once everyone applauded
and screamed out for her to sing
she performed just as expected
beautifully and unforgettable
however her false modesty
was disappointing to me
and I’m sure to others

singer statue, photo by andrea andrea, cluj-napoca, Romania, natural talent

Family Tree

How important it is to know our family history. It contributes to the formation of our identity. A family tree shows where we came from and how special some of those ancestors are. With that also comes the odd relative who was not so great. You take the good with the bad and it helps to understood who you are. That’s what makes happy times. Have you got your family tree?

my cousins took the time to prepare our history
for future generations
one made a huge frame with family photos
which meant nothing without the
documentation made by the other cousin
and it helped me to remember what
my parents had told me and I learnt more
making me feel as though I found a gem
I spent some happy times and
melancholic nostalgia as
most have passed away
nevertheless reliving the history
with my family tree
has reminded me of happy times

An Attitude of Gratitude

When we adopt an attitude of gratitude it helps us to free ourselves of resentful feelings and self-pity. It is so easy to get stuck in negativity unless we become grateful for what is positive in our lives. Then reality becomes more balanced and we enjoy a state of relative happiness.

I was grumpy about not being able to achieve
the ultimate goal I had made for losing weight
which is necessary for my health
then I thought hard about what I did achieve
and remembered that I no longer had
uncontrollable cravings
I had attended a self-help program regularly
and also checked in with my mentor often
indeed I had made much improvement
and what’s more had lost weight
an attitude of gratitude filled me then and
happiness moved in to soothe my pain