trauma – Page 2 – Dr Affie Adagio

Formative years

When a child is born we have a huge responsibility to be nurturing and caring especially for its formative years because it is so vulnerable and precious. That initial treatment has long-lasting benefits. However, should those childhood experiences be traumatic and filled with abuse or neglect, then there are serious consequences to the child’s growth. Such trauma can cause low self esteem in a person, resulting in them turning to feelgoods to cope better. Such feelgoods as becoming addicted to substances or processes to fill the void inside and ease the pain.

as they cuddled their new born baby
their gentleness and love showed
I knew how long they had waited
now they planned their parenting skills
not too fussy and overprotective
nor too busy and emotionally absent
so important to get a good balance
careful not to treat the baby as a toy
make sure there is a routine so
the baby gets proper rest and yet
ensuring that limits are set early on
they knew that these are
the formative years for
good self esteem and healthy living

Passive Aggression

We all get angry but different people have different ways of behaving when they get angry. Some shout and others express themselves appropriately without throwing a tantrum. Then again there are those whose response is minimal but deep inside there is turmoil, so they withdraw. Nevertheless their behaviour shows they are unhappy and it is tense around them. That’s what is commonly known as passive aggression and not very helpful in a relationship. It is better for them and others that they at least attempt to express their feelings maturely rather than hold them inside which causes ill health, just as acting out angry behaviour aggressively also does.

for a long time she kept quiet when she was angry
that’s the way it had always been for her but
she had not realised that it was written on her face
all the frustration, the hurt and the pain
brought about by that anger
however it did not help in the long run even though she
had become good at passive aggression
as she practised a healthier way of communicating
she became more loveable and happier
only now and then she slipped back to the old ways
but at least nowadays it was for a shorter time because
she knew that it was so obviously
immature and unhealthy

Loneliness and despair

Quite often we overlook the pain men go through when their relationships go sour. This happens in the same way it does for women. However, women are more likely to share their distress whereas usually men are not so transparent. Some turn to drugs and give up on happiness. Loneliness and despair set in. They? isolate to deal with the loss and hurt. Nevertheless, the majority are survivers and in time they get to stand up and face Life again.

how bewildered he was when his partner left
what had gone wrong? He thought they were happy
was he not listening, should he have noticed more?
why didn’t anyone tell him? Maybe he could have
done something to save their love before it was too late
the alcohol and drugs ease the pain but
he still wakes up to the loneliness and despair
as he realises it’s over his mind plays tricks on him
is it really over? holding on to that empty wish
he reaches for the bottle!

Emotional and physical burnout

When life experiences create unavoidable traumas we underestimate the impact on our health and behaviour. We have emotional and physical burnout which is a feeling of despondency and fatigue affecting our motivation.

Some of us turn to self medication through substances or process such as food, drugs, sex, gambling, over working, or becoming busy with chaotic unmanageability. Others withdraw and resort to sleeping too much or isolating. Some suffer untreated depression or other illnesses leading to suicidal thoughts.

All of these problems can be resolved. Primarily we need to rest and recuperate without feeling guilty whilst nature takes its healing course. This can be achieved through relaxation created by meditation, yoga, walking, swimming, meeting with friends and giving ourselves the time to recover.

Then we need to be medically checked, perhaps attend counselling, improving our nutrition and even taking supplements (vitamins). Furthermore and importantly we need to make ourselves reach out to friendly people and be transparent about our struggle. We can gain support in doing that just as we can give it to others later on.

It is vital to remember through the worst time that things will improve in time and before long we will find the motivation to succeed again.

As I sat in the dark tunnel as a result of a disaster
I wondered if the light at the end was an oncoming train or
the thrill of sunshine and happier days
now when I look back on that emotional and physical burnout
I chuckle to myself for letting it appear so hopeless