Relationships

All over the world in different cultures, a natural phenomenon is the healing power of support groups. These groups can be hobby groups, work groups, recovery groups, church groups, and so on. When people get together they share their experiences and how they have solved their problems, which inspires the whole group to do what others have done to resolve their traumas or to share their stories about how they lead fulfilling lives.

we travelled aboard a ship for a holiday
taking 30 days to visit many ports
each day there were activities on the cruise
both on board and on land where we made
new friends and joined in whatever was on
we noticed in different countries how
people had their own support groups which
made their lives worthwhile and although
they were different cultures the
process was the same – beneficial

Tags: back_to_basics, bliss, choices, close_friends, companionship, dreams_come_true, emotional-maturity, emotional_trauma, enjoyable, face_life, friends, friendship, fun, gratitude, happiness, laugh, learning_curve, lifelong-friendship, life_experiences, loving_relationships, peace-of-mind, personal_power, phenomenon, relationship_skills

The love we feel for our children needs to be different from the love we feel for our pets, because children are not pets. When we want to hold our children non stop we teach them to be clingy and they get serious abandonment issues. This slows the child’s ability to develop good ego boundaries and affects their relationships later on in life. When I see that type of behaviour I, as a family therapist, suggest that the parent(s) get a pet in order to balance out their need to cling onto their child. Pets thrive on cooing and playful love, and humans benefit from showing them that. Children thrive on appropriate parental love and parents benefit from having their children develop healthily.

Tags: childrearing_practices, choices, dysfunctional_relationship, emotional_maturity, fulfilment, healthy_lifestyle, howto, immature, insightful, learning_curve, love_addiction, loving_parent, parenting_roles, parenting_skills, role_models, self-help

Modesty often prevents us from expressing our need to be desired by the people we love. Yet, being desired is integral to our wellbeing and healthy self esteem, no matter how confident we normally are. When we are desired by someone we love, we see ourselves through their eyes and this lifts our spirits. That desire is usually expressed in the form of a cheeky flirt or a romantic gesture and this is guaranteed to make a relationship more intimate. Intimacy is the solid foundation of a successful relationship.

Tags: back_to_basics, confidence, emotional_maturity, fresh_start, fulfilment, fun, relationship_skills, rescuing-the-relationship, romance, spirits, thought-processes, ups-and-downs

Fathers and mothers, with small children, are usually at a Life Stage when stresses affect their behaviour, making them intolerant. It’s vital that we don’t psychologise abusive behaviour exhibited by stressed parents. In other words, avoid excusing abusive actions just because parents are stressed – there’s no excuse good enough for abuse. So parents, remember that although you’re having a hard time, when you over-react about your children’s mistakes this negatively impacts on their self-esteem. Also your behaviour is seen as inappropriate and abusive by children and everyone around too! What’s more if the ‘punishment is too severe then the lesson is lost’. When you’re finding it difficult to keep your cool, then maybe you need to see a therapist so that you can let off steam before it becomes abusive for everyone concerned. Children need love to grow healthily, not fear. Childrearing specialists claim that prisoners didn’t get there from too much parental love as children.

Tags: anger, anxiety, attitude, back_to_basics, behave, broken-trust, childrearing_practices, choices, chores, commitment, disruptive_behaviour, dysfunctional_relationship, emotional_maturity, family, fresh_start, immature, learning_curve, loving-relationship, loving_parent, parenting_roles, parenting_skills, peace-of-mind, persistance, personal_power, plan_of_action, promises, role_models

When good intentions become failures, then our timing could be out of sinc. Timing is vital in any plan of action, even for simple discussions. How often do we begin to say something, feeling confident and enthusiastic, and then the whole situation deteriorates into struggling in emotional quicksand? The more we struggle the worst it becomes and we wonder how it happened? Perhaps we didn’t consider whether it was appropriate to bring the matter up, no matter how simple it seemed. Perhaps we didn’t consider whether the other person was in the mood to deal with the matter. Perhaps we didn’t consider how capable we were at that point to express the matter appropriately. Or a combination of all of these things. When we pause and plan how to express ourselves, especially taking into consideration how right the timing is, then the interaction has more of a chance of being successful.

Tags: attitude, back_to_basics, choices, emotional_maturity, enlightenment, gentle, goals, healthy_lifestyle, learning_curve, loveable, loving-relationship, messages, nurturing, peace_of_mind, peers, persistance, plans, recovery, relationship_skills, role_models, self-help, serenity, soulmate, straight-from-the-heart, success, thought-processes

We often think we are listening but our minds race and we have already come up with comments to what the other person is saying before they even finish talking. Active listening is about being able to feedback what you have heard the other person say before you make your comment. That way they feel heard and do not have to repeat themselves over and over. That’s how nagging develops.

as they complained about each other
I realised that they were not waiting until the other
finished talking, before they contributed their view
so we had a practice run with each one giving feedback
before saying what they wanted to
I mediated so that they kept to the format
and at the end there was active listening
which is guaranteed to improve a relationship

Tags: attitude, back_to_basics, broken-trust, choices, cope, couples, emotional_maturity, howto, learning_curve, phenomenon, plan_of_action, relationship_skills, self-help

Poor communication is the No. 1 problem area in relationships. As long as people are prepared to talk about their feelings, needs, wants and give feedback about what they’ve understood the other person has said, then conflict can be transformed into negotiations for solutions. As people develop the art of expressing themselves appropriately they also discover that it is beneficial to the sender as well as the receiver of the message. Another important tip is that if the message is not being understood clearly then it is up to the person sending the message to rephrase it. Communicating effectively creates inner peace for all parties concerned in the interaction.

Tags: attitude, bliss, choices, confidence, emotional_maturity, fulfilment, happiness, honest, intimacy, laughter, lifelong-friendship, loving_relationships, misunderstood, moods, nurturing, perseverence, personal_power, reach_out, reframe, relaxing, repetitive_messages, tense, thought-processes, trust

When two people divorce many changes take place. Learning to relate with each other sensibly over property, pets, final arrangements, and more importantly over the children, if there are any. Then there are their friends who usually find it difficult to remain true to both of them and therefore take sides. The most difficult transition is the relationship involving his family and her family. How hard it is to let go of the other partner’s family when they have been the in-laws for as long as the relationship lasted, sometimes many years. Yet it’s rare for families from each side to stay close, the best they can do is remain civil when they meet at mutual formal gatherings.

Some people have had abusive parents as role models. Others have had one parent functional and the other dysfunctional. Unfortunately, there are those who have been abused and become abusers, mainly because they experienced how powerful induced fear was. The promising thing is that as we grow most of us learn to appreciate the healthy role models and mimic them in adulthood.

Nina was surprised that her mother’s abusive behaviour
hadn’t made her an emotional cripple, but remembered
that her father was a gentle, loving parent and
whenever she was tempted by her mother’s words
to believe that she was ugly and worthless
Nina would recall her father’s unconditional love
which gave her the confidence to make healthy choices
at times it took a lot of work to raise her self esteem
because her mother’s words would creep into
Nina’s thoughts unexpectedly, however
that was short lived as she developed the skills
to diffuse such thoughts by sending them
off into the universe in imaginary balloons

Tags: attitude, back_to_basics, bliss, broken-trust, caring-father, childrearing_practices, choices, commitment, confidence, cope, dad, dedication, demons, dreams_come_true, dysfunctional, emotional_maturity, enlightenment, fulfilment, gratitude, happiness, healthy_lifestyle, howto, independence, insight, learning_curve, life_strategies, loveable, loving-relationship, loving_parent, messages, negative_feelings, nurturing, parenting-skills, parenting_roles, personal_power, reframe, repetitive_messages, role-model, self-help, serenity

Blueprints are commonly used for important productions, everything from buildings to machinery to gardens and so on. Otherwise known as plans and/or designs, it’s not unusual for people to expect this for successful outcomes. It is easy to have a fulfilling relationship if you are both willing to make a blueprint for your ideal relationship. It means planning at the beginning of the relationship what you want and what you don’t want in your life together. Then making an agreement to go to any lengths to resolve conflict early before it contaminates everything and to nurture your loving relationship. Maintenance is what we do to keep a beautiful garden, or home or car and it’s also what we need to do for our relationships.

Tags: -Marriage-Celebrant, attitude, back_to_basics, bliss, choices, close_friends, commitment, companionship, couple_plans, creative, dedication, dream_come_true, emotional_maturity, enlightenment, friendship, fulfilment, fun, gratitude, happiness, howto, insightful, intimacy, laughter, learning_curve, lifelong-friendship, loving-relationships, perseverence, personal_power, plan_of_action, proactive, promises, relationship_skills, romance, self-help, serenity, sexual_desire, significant_other, soulmate, straight-from-the-heart, success, unconditional-love, wedding-vows