Month: January 2006

Intolerance

When people annoy us it could be because they remind us of a past event or that we see in them what we strive to avoid doing ourselves. Another reason could be our need for perfection which can create havoc in our own lives. Intolerance is a negative feeling and this can eat us up inside. Far better to let go of the intolerance by trying to understand the other person’s behaviour and if it is important enough to help them become aware of it in a caring manner. Ultimately, the final choice of changing that behaviour is their decision and up to us to walk away if we cannot accept it.

as I become annoyed at your selfish behaviour
I stop myself by realising that the intolerance is mine
and as I process this I notice that what I call
your selfish behaviour has more to do with
a personality clash between us
what’s more you are actually doing
what my mother would have slapped me for
as a child if I did that!
strange how that has come back to
haunt me in such a peculiar way

Loneliness

Feeling lonely can be depressing – even when there are loved ones in our lives and worse when we crave for a non-existent lover, a companion. That feeling of loneliness can hook in self pity, sorrow, and sometimes even despair. The main thing to remember is that the feeling of loneliness is part of our repertoire of emotions which makes us passionate human beings – alive and thriving at that. It also prepares us to unite with that special other when the opportunity arises, for if we did not feel the loneliness why else would we want to connect with others.

as I complete some major tasks and then relax
I notice that I am missing something
surrounded by family and friends feels happy
but something is missing and
loneliness raises its ugly head!
I tell it “It’s OK, love is just around the corner
settle down and be prepared or it may pass us by”
feeling chirpy I busy myself once more
nevertheless, reminding myself to be open for love
when it knocks on the door!

Self pity

How many times have we been affected by the dysfunctional behaviour of martyrs? They try to pull at our heart strings with threats of killing others and/or themselves (murder suicide) and we feel impelled to fix their unhappiness until we come to realise that what they are truly feeling is self pity. Then again we cannot disregard their threats entirely but once we have taken the necessary steps for duty of care – consulting with professionals about what to do regarding their threats – then we need to let go and be free of the anxiety they create.

how many times have I heard you say that
you are an expert on your disabled son’s wellbeing
and that if you do not have your way
you will kill him and then kill yourself
so everyone stands back and becomes
anxious about his health and your actions
little do they realise that you
consider yourself to be a martyr!
you are full of self pity and whether it is right or not
your dysfunctional behaviour costs you and
those around you

Personal empowerment

Often we hand over our personal power to others and then wonder why we become victims. Personal empowerment is when we accept responsibility for our actions and how we live our lives. Others may create problems for us and maybe Life deals us difficult situations. However how we handle this, is completely up to us.

Power Prayer
I am responsible for what I see
I choose the feelings I experience
And decide upon the goal I would achieve
And everything that seems to happen to me…
I as for, and as I ask I receive (Course in Miracles)

Mind Power

There is nothing supernatural about the power of the mind – it is a phenomenon which is part of being a human being. We want something more than anything else in the world – we call it a wish or a dream or a goal or an aim, whichever school of thought we belong to. Next we assess how realistic our situation is and whether what we wish for can be achieved. Even if it appears hopeless we then visualise the object of our attention and continue on with our lives. Eventually the mind power works and to our amazement things just fall into place and we get what we asked for. This is because we are primed to accept whatever is offered when opportunity knocks on the door and one thing leads to another.

where are we going Nana?
children I am taking you on a visualisation exercise
what is that Nana?
we will visit these new apartments overlooking the city
but Nana do you have that much money to buy one of these?
no darlings but I will see an apartment I like, then imagine that I
am living in it and eventually it will happen or something similar
one way or another, it has happened in the past to me and others
that is Mind Power or visualisation, you’ll see!

I am responsible for my feelings

There is no excuse for blaming how we feel on someone or something outside ourselves, because our emotions come from within in response to our environment and not the other way around. In other words I am responsible for my feelings and can control how much life impacts on me.

when I point the finger of blame outward
three fingers are pointing back at me
as I am responsible for my feelings of
boredom, anger, resentment, fear and so on
therefore I need to change them to positive feelings of
happiness, contentment, fun, love and so on
for that I am responsible to act upon

Comfort food is an addiction

Some people use alcohol, coffee, speed, nicotine or pain killers to get through University or other stresses. One such popular crutch is comfort food. Regardless of the bad consequences to health or looks, comfort food is an addiction similar to any other drug or process and we become compelled by it – giving us a momentary “high”. It can be more difficult to abstain from comfort food, more so than any of the other compulsions, because food compulsion is acceptable to society. However, this disorder is life threatening too. When no remedy works it is far more realistic to remove the stressors first and then attempt recovery, otherwise we are setting ourselves up for failure.

with each stress I reached for the comfort food
and got through the stressful moment
knowing very well that there were
severe consequences
overweight, lethargy, diabetes!
I kept promising that soon I would
regulate the food compulsion
then I faced reality and stopped
putting off the inevitable
though I must say as the stressors
are eliminated
it becomes much easier to rid myself of
the comfort food addiction

Excuses, excuses

When we have a dream and want to achieve something important all we need to do is 1) assess why it is important to us, 2) decide what needs to be done, 3) make a plan of action and 4) then do it! Everything is possible when we make a commitment to do it – that is a given fact. The only obstacles are the excuses we give ourselves about why we cannot get started or why we cannot continue what we have started. Remove the excuses and your dreams come true.

I know what I wish to achieve
in the past I’ve visualised this
and told all and sundry about it,
then made the plan of action
began the process but somehow
I let excuses intervene
which resulted in ditching the plan
becoming the victim
instead of the winner
eventually though I will succeed
when I stop the excuses
I just know it!

Without being attached to the outcome

When we use the term “without being attached to the outcome” it means that we express ourselves with integrity in order to communicate our innermost feelings and not with the intention of making a person do what we want them to do. If the outcome is positive and the other person makes amends because of their behaviour then that is a bonus. However, it is a risk to expect that outcome when expressing our feelings and therefore becomes manipulative which is dysfunctional and counterproductive.

I have learnt that it is important to
express myself sincerely and calmly
without being attached to the outcome
in other words saying how I feel
without the need for a positive outcome
although one is welcomed, when it happens
I express myself for my serenity and not to get
the other person to acknowledge their contribution!
that’s the true art of empowerment

Resentment is a cancer

Someone says something that hurts and our feelings are crushed. That only occurs when we have low self-esteem otherwise we chuckle at it. If we let it affect us badly then we become resentful – resentment is a cancer which needs to be dealt with before it spreads and does damage to our psyche. The solution is recognising that the hurt feeling is our own and then communicating in a calm manner with the person in question to clarify what happened without being attached to the outcome. Taking responsibility for our contribution which at worst may only be a misunderstanding could be all it takes to feel better.

it just appears as a small discontent
but as it grows resentment is a cancer which
needs to be treated early before it becomes
terminal!
how?! owning it as being my problem not yours!
next checking out gently what you meant
and then making amends
it’s as easy as that
try it!