Betrayal

Broken Heart, http://www.sxc.hu/photo/558914, broken trust, Many of us are devastated by betrayal. In other words, the moment something happens, when we least expect it, that shows we’ve put our trust in the wrong person and have been shocked by their betrayal. We trust that someone will treat us the way we expect, and hopefully by the example we set. Then they do the unthinkable – they stab you in the back. What’s worse is that it was not expected because…either we are not hearing clearly what they are saying or we are in denial about how they feel about us. It all comes down to how the unexpected dishonesty can be a major betrayal. Better to learn from the experience instead of suffering too much because it happens to the best of us.

I was their golden haired girl
everything I did was successful
they raved about my achievements
they were also so friendly that
it came as a shock to find out
that it was not what it appeared to be
some were true and a few were not
but it was the few who ran the project
and I found myself on the outside looking in
what a feeling of betrayal
but I console myself with the fact that
I am still friends with those who were sincere
and the others don’t matter any more

Romantic wedding

Newport Beach, photo by Tori Campbell, Fort Worth, United States,  beach weddingAre you planning your wedding and wondering how to make it special? Are you confused about what to say? Don’t be, a celebrant can show you many readings to choose from that can express your innermost feelings and that fit the scene perfectly. That’s how you design your wedding. Then you can both consider where would be the most romantic place to enjoy this important event. It may be a small romantic wedding with only a handful of people or a large wedding at a function centre. Perhaps it could be on a secluded beach.

they loved the beach
and had been to some of
the best ones around the world
their tans were proof of that
they wanted to wear beach wear
white was their chosen colour
there would be a handful of
close friends and a short ceremony
was their preferred style
I gave them a list of readings
and they chose the words
from The Prophet
it was an unforgettable
small romantic wedding

Newport Beach, photo by Tori Campbell, Fort Worth, United States, beach wedding

Nothing stays the same

Roller Coaster Series 3, photo by Marc Gerardi, Nth Eastern United States, ups and downsLife is sometimes fun, sometimes difficult, sometimes easy, and above all fulfilling when we make choices that are beneficial for ourselves and for those we have dealings with. The times that we feel devastated can soon be matched by the moments of bliss that come just as unexpectedly. What makes the difference? Life is a force of it’s own and no matter what happens regardless of the ups and downs of living…Life goes on. It is important to remember that nothing stays the same. When things are bad it’s best to remember that the situation will improve and when things are good it’s also necessary to remember that things can change so be prepared.

as things improved she tried
to make a mental note of this
so that next time things looked bad
it would be more hopeful to
think that there was a light
at the end of the tunnel which
was not an oncoming train
and she also made a mental note of
enjoying the moment whilst she had it
cause nothing stays the same
so it’s best to be prepared for
the ups and downs of Life

Roller Coaster Series 3, photo by Marc Gerardi, Nth Eastern United States, ups and downs

Parents

Holding on tight, photo by Julie Elliott, Wichita Falls, United States, caring parentParents can improve or damage a child’s ability to relate healthily. It’s not easy to bring up children. First, our own self esteem needs to be well developed to cope with their phases of transition and testing the limits. Our own moods and behaviour are also mirrored by them and this is sometimes not a pleasant experience, especially when we are in denial about our own behaviour. On the positive side, when children grown up relatively well adjusted and happy, their parents can take the credit for a job well done.

yesterday, my father died 44 years ago
I was 18 years old and his nurturing but firm
parenting skills left me well prepared for Life
thank goodness because
my mother’s behaviour towards me
left me somewhat confused
when she walked out I was 8 years old
and from then on he was both my
father and mother for the next 10 years
creating a safe environment where I learnt much
from his way of thinking and used that method
in the childrearing practices for my own children
also in the way I relate with my grandchildren
this has rippled out to my work as a family therapist
all this from a gentle man with a sense of humour
who valued being a caring parent
I remember him well

Cravings

sinfully brownie, photo by A. Hartini, Highland, United States, compulsive eatingThe most obvious symptoms of addiction are cravings. They compel us to pick up our drug of choice regardless of the harm to our health and wellbeing. Cravings result from a biological condition which then fuels dysfunctional behaviours. These behaviours are unbelievably difficult to overcome. Nevertheless, recovery can be achieved. The first step is to identify the problem and admit to it. The next step is to seek professional assistance and join a supportive self help group. Usually that process means becoming committed to a recovery program which makes life more manageable. However, should the cravings persist then it means that we need to reassess what we are doing and find a plan within the program that is more workable. Then freedom from cravings becomes a reality.

I have been on a journey of recovery for many years
fortunately I have found freedom from nicotine addiction
eighteen years free from chain smoking
but the compulsive overeating has resulted in
yoyo dieting, weight gain and loss and gain
with torturous overpowering cravings
then I developed type 2 diabetes
and the cravings worsened
I went into therapy and joined
a self help group which gave me hope
cause I knew that attending the meetings
would eventually set me free of the cravings
practice makes perfect they say
and it did because I became ready
to find a food plan that would work for me
I found a book by the Hellers about Carb Addicts
and found my freedom from cravings
I’ll write more about this later

“Where’s your passion?”

Man standing on the wall, photo by Amir Darafsheh, Tehran, Iran, meditation, procrastinationLife can sometimes pass us by so quickly that we wonder where it went. To avoid this happening too often we need to meditate more regularly to help us relax.? We also need to think about what we are doing and how that relates to our passion. Trigger off that thinking by asking “where’s your passion?” It’s amazing what thought processes and plans that question can ignite.

he thought about his plans
and found that he had got
bogged down!
and then I asked him
“where’s your passion?”
so he meditated and
then searched for the
answer to that question
and the rest was easy as he
became inspired and
flew over the procrastination

Planning a Wedding

Sweetheart, photo by Daniel Perry, Luton, United Kingdom,  in loveBeing in love is a beautiful experience. Many people know what comes next without any doubts, that is, planning a wedding. Usually both put their hearts and heads together and decide where they would like to celebrate this important event. You can even turn to a wedding planner who will do the practical work for you. Others cannot afford this so they use the internet to explore ideas. The whole process can be exciting as you research and make decisions about your celebration. Will it be on a boat, at the steps of the Opera House, on a wharf there, in a park, or in your own backyard? As a celebrant I have been a part of several memorable ceremonies.

being a wedding planner is not the role
of a marriage celebrant but we can
inspire ideas for the couple to explore
as can be seen in my page on
weddings, marriage celebrant
showing where I have conducted weddings
on the beach, in the mountains, in a reception centre
in the Royal Botanic Gardens, in Centennial Park
and so on

A white-knuckling recovery

White Knuckles, photo by Kristen Price, Muskogee, United States, addiction recovery It’s great to come into recovery from addiction. It means freedom from being compelled to do things we don’t want to do anymore. Such things which are harmful to us. Addiction recovery means serenity and peace of mind. However, there are some of us who experience a white-knuckling recovery – sometimes called a dry drunk. This means struggling with the demon of addiction. The only hope is to persist in the search for serenity and recovery will then be true freedom from compulsion.

they would ask me
why was it so hard to find
serenity in their recovery?
it felt like no matter what they did
it was a white-knuckling recovery!
I explained that for some
making the decision to be in recovery
is a smooth transition from insanity to sanity
and for others it is somewhat harder
but for all, the best outcome is to
persevere by sticking to the program
and eventually it works out – serenity
and that’s how it’s also sustained

Infidelity

Lovers, photo by Brenda Lamothe Coulomme, Capital Federal, Argentina,  open marriage Some people believe in open marriages, where each person is entitled to have sexual experiences with others providing that there is honesty about it with the primary partner. Others cannot live with the thought of infidelity in their relationship. They believe that a loving relationship means being faithful to one another to the exclusion of others.? Whatever we believe in, it only works if we are totally committed and happy with that particular way of thinking.

they wanted to avoid
anything contaminating their love
trust was their strongest asset
so their commitment to an open marriage
was supposed to keep honesty alive
others said that meant they were
committed to infidelity!
so they decided to have a
monogamous relationship
either way love and happiness
comes from living what you
believe to be best

Being caring and loving

Nexus, photo by Miguel Ugalde, Mexico, Mexico, parents, adult childrenWhen children are young, parents have the responsibility of being caring and loving. Also setting limits is important so that they may learn to be self-disciplined as required. A fine balance is needed between being firm and being too strict, because anything too extreme will impair their relationship skills. As role models we show them how to live life fully and with happiness. Love, fun and being responsible will help them to survive Life’s ups and downs. Then comes the time when parents need to stand back and let them make the choices they want. That is sometimes the hardest part of being a parent. Especially when the parent is on the receiving end of an unpleasant decision. Nevertheless it is an art for the parent ‘to know when to play and know when to walk away’, emotionally, that is. That’s because it is always best to remember that they are now adults and parents need to lead by example to maintain a loving relationship.

as the mother spoke about her doings and plans
her daughter expressed her frustrations about this
as their interaction became strained
it was obvious there had been a misunderstanding
but fortunately they were able to change
by being caring and loving
and then the problem was resolved
as they parted on good terms
each one was more aware of
the other’s expectations and needs