friends – Dr Affie Adagio

End of Year Party Humanists NSW 2013

Every year the Humanist Society of NSW has an End of Year Party in December instead of a Xmas party because we are not religious and as secular Humanists we do celebrate the season without the religious tones.

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Â 2012 was held at 2pm 2nd Saturday in December 9 and our entertainer George Eynon a New Zealand ex-patriot who can croon the most romantic tunes of Sinatra Elvis and Bee Gees to Country and Western and jive (also transform as he sings the most amazing Maori songs) kept us entertained. We had a great time and enjoyed each others company over food and drinks.

2011 and 2010 the wonderful Rubella caused full house at Humanist House with his Latin American diva act which he performed on cruise ships.

So up until 2009 our parties were Mad Hatters or such which were fun nevertheless poorly attended by a handful of people

Mind you some of us have family who celebrate Xmas and we respect their needs.For example on Xmas eve I have my family over and we have Xmas Eve with the carols the Xmas tree and as in Europe (as we are originally Greeks from Romania)Â open our presents. In that way I don’t compete with my offspring’s family personal time and the time they spend with their father and in-laws.

Support groups

All over the world in different cultures, a natural phenomenon is the healing power of support groups. These groups can be hobby groups, work groups, recovery groups, church groups, and so on. When people get together they share their experiences and how they have solved their problems, which inspires the whole group to do what others have done to resolve their traumas or to share their stories about how they lead fulfilling lives.

we travelled aboard a ship for a holiday
taking 30 days to visit many ports
each day there were activities on the cruise
both on board and on land where we made
new friends and joined in whatever was on
we noticed in different countries how
people had their own support groups which
made their lives worthwhile and although
they were different cultures the
process was the same – beneficial

Figures groups, photo by Sanja Gjenero, supportive friends

Natural high

It is possible to get a natural high without risking our health with using substances or processes which can be life threatening. Some people can reach a natural high easier because of their genetic make-up. Nevertheless, there are many testimonials about how once people came into recovery from addictions they not only became free from symptoms of mental illnesses but also came to experience natural highs.

before I gave up chainsmoking through NicA
my fear was that I would become boring
fortunately I reached a stage where
smoking was losing its joy for me
so after a few weeks in recovery
and as a non smoker I experienced
what felt like the first natural high in my life
and I was smoke free, how unbelievable?!
but how empowering and what serenity?
and this is now a common event, without smoking

light FX:9 # 1,photo by Michael Bretherton, Brisbane, Australia, fireworks

Codependence or addiction?

I’ve been asked “which comes first codependence or addiction?”. As a therapist I speak professionally and from personal experience as a recovering codependent, as well as a food and nicotine addict in recovery. A codependent can be either a victim or a perpetrator of dysfunctional behaviour and as a result addictions manifest in an effort to self medicate the disturbing feelings. There’s a difference between giving service to others and becoming a martyr for their sake, which is also codependence. A recovering codependent is someone who has identified their condition and admitted it; staying vigilant about it; being a part of a recovery program; and giving service to maintain their recovery and that of others, in a loving fellowship. This recovery also involves being abstinent from addictive behaviours.

Pia Mellody (Facing Codependence), who is
a leader in the codependence recovery field
spoke on her recovery from codependence and addictions
her honesty moved me because society can scoff at
people being transparent about their shortcomings
and how they’ve taken the journey to recovery
this could be because the majority of people are
afflicted by codependence and addictive behaviours
so it’s easier to scoff than to take action
until they reach their rock bottom and only then
they become willing to find sanity and serenity
in a loving fellowship committed to recovery

Loyalty and love

When we think of loyalty and love it is an underestimated partnership. For love to grow and become lasting we need to be clear about our priorities and how they rate in our relationships. What we need should be a priority with our partner as should be the same in return for us. How often do we overlook an agreement or a promise to someone close because we take our love for granted. In such a case love becomes contaminated because when our needs are not given priority we feel slighted and hurt. So loyalty and love need each other for a fulfilling outcome.

when I was late for my friend
I felt so embarrassed and
could not say sorry enough
then I compared how I treated
my partner when I was late
and realised that
loyalty and love loses in
the translation in such
a partnership
and yet if in return
my partner keeps me waiting
I have felt that it was a sign
of disrespect
it is always helpful to
assess our behaviour in
a loving relationship
as we would towards
a friend and then
it is a fairer assessment

Betrayal

Many of us are devastated by betrayal. In other words, the moment something happens, when we least expect it, that shows we’ve put our trust in the wrong person and have been shocked by their betrayal. We trust that someone will treat us the way we expect, and hopefully by the example we set. Then they do the unthinkable – they stab you in the back. What’s worse is that it was not expected because…either we are not hearing clearly what they are saying or we are in denial about how they feel about us. It all comes down to how the unexpected dishonesty can be a major betrayal. Better to learn from the experience instead of suffering too much because it happens to the best of us.

I was their golden haired girl
everything I did was successful
they raved about my achievements
they were also so friendly that
it came as a shock to find out
that it was not what it appeared to be
some were true and a few were not
but it was the few who ran the project
and I found myself on the outside looking in
what a feeling of betrayal
but I console myself with the fact that
I am still friends with those who were sincere
and the others don’t matter any more

Lonely

Human beings have an innate need to belong. This includes being in a union with a significant other and groups such as family, friends, community, work. Happiness also comes as a result of activities carried out alone such as walking and meditation. Then again sometimes being alone can bring on feeling lonely. This may not last long but it is a feeling which is unsettling. Nevertheless, without this feeling we would not socialise, so it has its value even though it is a nuisance.

it was a relatively happy day for me
then out of the blue I felt lonely
so I sat with the feeling for a moment
am I isolating? have I socialised lately?
then I realised that I am faced with a
necessary but unpleasant task to do now
which made me miss having fun with others
so feeling lonely was more manageable than
feeling self pity!
better get on with it I guess and
if I still feel lonely I’ll call someone