love – Page 3 – Dr Affie Adagio

Overcoming obstacles

Life is one obstacle after another and some of us overcome those systematically while others stumble and fall. Nevertheless, there is a system to help us overcome the constant pain. Like a caravan of camels we need to set on a course and then gently and persistently stay on track until we reach the destination we have aimed for. Overcoming obstacles then becomes manageable and we have dreams come true.

I often come across obstacles in Life but I
have learnt to set a course and follow it with
the support of a network of people heading
to the same destination or thereabouts
like a caravan of camels
overcoming obstacles then becomes easy
that is the difference between succeeding or not

Desert Caravan, photo by Arjun Chennu, chennai, India,ttp://arjmage.blogspot.com

Successful wedding

Anyone who has lived through a wedding will know the stress that can take place. However, there are moments that are blissful too. Choosing the venue, the outfits, the catering, the dance music, and the wedding party. Of course the festivities just before are a fun experience too. What fuels the whole process, so that it does not collapse, is the love the bride and groom have for each other. This love can overcome all sorts of hassles in order to have a successful wedding. When everyone looks back on the event through the photographs, they forget those moments of stress and eventually only remember how wonderful it was.

oh what a commotion it was
the in-laws disagreed about almost everything
it was going to cost more than was planned
but the wedding was in the Royal Botanic Gardens
overlooking the Harbour Bridge and the Opera House
the weather was fantastic
the outfits were perfect
the bride and groom had the freedom
to choose what they wished to do
for one of the most important days of their lives
the celebration was on a reception boat in the harbour
and everything made it a successful wedding
to remember for the rest of their lives

the kiss, photo by Noelle Franzen, Carlsbad, United States, http://www.sxc.hu/photo/370021

New beginnings

When relationships end, either by death or divorce, part of the growth process is how we make new beginnings. We complete our grieving and only then can we accept that it’s over. Some decide to spend time alone to recover from their loss, while others search for a new relationship. Nevertheless, Life goes on and so do we, that’s the way it should be.

every other time he had gone after her
this time he waited for her to come back on her own
and she didn’t!
so he licked his emotional wounds and
got back up from the depths of his depression
“Life goes on” someone had said
and now it was the best thought
as he considered new beginnings
the future was more promising
last time I saw him he was smiling and his life
was so much brighter now
behold, photo by Arjun Chennu, Chennai, India, http://arjmage.blogspot.com

Wedding Vows

When a couple plans a wedding the most confusing part is preparing the wedding vows. The excitement of the event sometimes overwhelms the couple and thinking of what to say to each other only adds to the confusion. As a marriage celebrant I show them many examples. However, the most important part of composing wedding vows is that they paint a picture of the feelings they have for each other. How they met and discovered their love, adds colour to the event.

he looked into her eyes and smiling
said that he loved her and promised that
his goal in life would be to provide reasons
for her to be happy in the marriage with him
he added that when they first met at a friend’s place
he knew that she was the one he wanted to spend
the rest of his life with.
with love in her eyes she agreed that
she had felt the same when they first met
and she promised that his happiness
would be the most important thing in her life.
Their words were simple yet straight from the heart
and this showed the love they have for each other

Love addiction

How often are we amazed at how we are held hostage by loving someone who does not return that love. Unrequited love is very potent and keeps us hooked. We become unaware that the other person does not feel for us as we feel for them and just because they show interest we interpret that as being what we want it to be. This is called denial and the core issue is love addiction. When we can see it for what it is: purely friendship, then we are able to stay real. But when we make something of it that it is not then the end result is pain. Love addiction is experienced by both the giver and the receiver.The receiver (victim) is the one who hopes that what they want is truly happening. The giver (perpetrator) is blind to the needs of the other and keeps them hopefully dangling. The whole process causes intrigue and is in itself love addiction.

she smiled, joked and had a sexy look
he thought he had found his soulmate
they thought alike but when he tried to
get closer she ran away
when he gave up, she was back
promising more than before but then nothing
he decided that was it, never again!
but she looked at him and he melted
what was he to do with this joy and pain?
she couldn’t understand why he was making
such a big thing out of nothing
she wanted just friendship and
was not ready for anything more
yet she couldn’t stay away!
they call it love addiction

Loneliness and despair

Quite often we overlook the pain men go through when their relationships go sour. This happens in the same way it does for women. However, women are more likely to share their distress whereas usually men are not so transparent. Some turn to drugs and give up on happiness. Loneliness and despair set in. They? isolate to deal with the loss and hurt. Nevertheless, the majority are survivers and in time they get to stand up and face Life again.

how bewildered he was when his partner left
what had gone wrong? He thought they were happy
was he not listening, should he have noticed more?
why didn’t anyone tell him? Maybe he could have
done something to save their love before it was too late
the alcohol and drugs ease the pain but
he still wakes up to the loneliness and despair
as he realises it’s over his mind plays tricks on him
is it really over? holding on to that empty wish
he reaches for the bottle!

Breaking up is the only option

When love turns sour a relationship can be hell. There are ways to rectify that. We can talk about the problems and be willing to find resolutions or we can seek professional assistance. We do not hesitate to see an accountant or a builder as needed, therefore, seeing a relationship counsellor is just as reasonable. That way we know that we have done everything possible until breaking up is the only option. Just suffering and doing nothing it about should not be an option.

she said “let’s talk” and he avoided doing that
time passed and they distanced, as happens
when there’s no intimate communication
then she said “I’m leaving you unless we see a counsellor”
“we can sort it out ourselves” he replied
she loved him so she gave in
ten months later they parted amicably
eighteen years later she wondered whether
she should have insisted that they seek help
so breaking up is the only option

Breaking up photo by David Peter Hansen, Copenhagen, Denmark, http://dave.dk/

the loss of a love

when a lover says that it’s over
the shock and anger is unbelievable
“it’s not true, it’s a nightmare, how could it be?”
then the bargaining adds to the turmoil
“could things have been handled differently
and the loss of a love been avoided?”

getting through this phase does not guarantee
that the acceptance of the loss is reached
unfortunately this pain can go on in cycles
nevertheless it does get better
and we move on to happier and more fulfilling times
having hope for that gets us through the worst moments