proactive – Page 2 – Dr Affie Adagio

Lift our spirits

There are clouds that are dark and gloomy and there are clouds that are light and fluffy which lift our spirits to look at. That is exactly how we can see some of life’s experiences. Some are dark and gloomy but once we have sat and experienced the depth of the gloominess then we need to reframe the experience and make the best of it. Even the worst experience can have a better outcome – one door closes and another opens.

he was so gloomy because he lost his job
as we sat and assessed the pros and cons
of the situation and its implications
he seemed to be more relieved
because he wouldn’t have to put up with
the stress he had faced before and
he had felt unappreciated too
as he realised that this was in fact
going to work out better for him
his spirits were lifted and he
looked forward to what the
new day would bring

Soulmates or love addiction?

There is a fine line between having a loving relationship and love addiction. A loving relationship involves soulmates having a fulfilling life based on like-minded friendship. Love addiction is a relationship that brings extreme highs and lows with unmanageablity as the distinctive characteristic which gets progressively worse. Soulmates or love addiction, which will it be for you?

he had experienced great unhappiness
and yet mad passionate love with her
he was finally free of that madness
and it hadn’t been easy to achieve!
in therapy he tried to understand
why he felt disinterested with his new love
and yet he knew he loved her deeply
it took a while for him to realise
that he needed to adjust to the reality of love
in other words: soulmates or love addiction?
he finally understood the difference
and since then his life has been
what he’s always hoped for and yet
thought he’d never have
together with serenity at last
as well as three adorable young children to love

Thought becomes reality

We can talk ourselves into negativity or out of it, because thought becomes reality. Sports events are preceded by pep talks for the contestants and this an expected practice with professionals whose primary role is to boost the motivation of the team members. The same applies in life for everyone, children, adults men, women, young and old. We all need a pep talk sometimes and better still is our belief in the power of positive thinking.

I was learning to paint landscapes in oils
my friend and teacher used to finish off each one
just a little black stroke here and there
made the piece look more professional and saleable
I promised the next one to a charity function
and as I began my work my teacher had to go
leaving me high and dry
at first I saw my work go from bad to worse in minutes
as the function was on the next day I was desperate
then I realised that thought becomes reality so
I began saying “I can do it, I can do it, I can do it”
as I continued on with my painting
again before my very eyes my work transformed
and by the time I finished I had produced
an Australian bush landscape that I was
not only surprised with but also
extremely proud of because of
my thought processes

Seeing the light

Having experiences that are naturally blissful has been a favoured topic for me lately. Another such bliss is when we get an Ahaa at seeing the light about something. Good communication is one of life’s main assets. Getting it right when we wish to communicate our needs and wants means that our relationships are healthier, our work is more successful, and we have a more enjoyable life. Don’t settle for something that is not clear for fear of annoying another should you probe for more information. The reward of understanding something is priceless. Otherwise you suffer the stress brought on by confusion and misunderstanding.

she was crying her heart out when
I asked what was wrong and
she refused to explain
I paused, giving her time to cry a little more
as I waited she noticed that I was not
going to try and stop her and
she began explaining her predicament
of how her bills were greater than
the money coming in
I suggested that when she was
able to talk we might be able to
look at what options there were
then she became more settled and peaceful
so we considered what she could do
she made a list of those she could contact
and make a payment arrangement with
also what expenses she could do without
like a serious plan to give up smoking
things looked promising as can happen
when seeing the light occurs
that makes all the difference
at the worst of times

Motivation and recovery

It doesn’t matter whether we search for recovery from addiction or any other form of emotional or mental ill health, motivation and recovery go hand in hand. Good intentions are not sufficient. How many times have we heard the afflicted person being accused of not wanting recovery otherwise they could have it. In response the addict desperately claims that they do want recovery. Motivation is vital to recovery. Usually reaching rock-bottom motivates the afflicted person to commit to recovery. They say ‘no pain no gain’. But it would certainly be great for motivation to be accessed without the pain of rock-bottom.

Getting free of the grip of addiction is like learning anything new. Practise makes perfect and then the most difficult becomes easy – it’s the same as learning to ride a bike or learning to play an instrument. Repetitive positive behaviour (recovery) replaces the repetitive negative behaviour (addiction). There is a big difference between negative addiction and positive addiction (recovery). Although one needs to be always on guard that the positive addiction does not become negative addiction. The way to avoid that is by knowing that negative addiction makes life unmanageable whereas positive addiction is the serenity in recovery.

he came to me, a sorry sight
having been in detox 27 times
coming out each time with
the promise of recovery and
freedom from the clutches of addiction
yet after a short period he busted
on alcohol and narcotics
I feared that death would find him
before recovery did
and deep down inside he felt the same
but as advised by those who know better
motivation and recovery would come when
he attended 12 Step meetings even though
there was great resistance from within
“get your bum on a seat” they said
and he did until eventually it worked
and sobriety and clean time became
his positive addiction
serenity and freedom at last
what bliss?!

I’ll be happy when…

How many times have we said “I’ll be happy when…” and we give numerous reasons such as after the lottery win, after the weight loss, after the dream job and so on? The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow holds the promise of bliss. Even if that happens, and it has sometimes, we don’t know what to do with ourselves – there’s delayed shock to overcome before we can enjoy the prize. Nevertheless, for some of us we still can’t cope with the fact that something good has actually happened. Stop wishing for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and become proactive about your happiness.

as he shared his ideas about how they
could overcome their financial difficulties
I turned to her expecting to see relief in her face
but instead she looked as though
someone had just died
“what?!” I asked
she said that until it happens
the worry will still plague her
when she realised she was doing the
“I’ll be happy when…” routine
the insight set her free of negativity
and she could enjoy the moment

Pot of gold 2, photo by Kim Beardsmore, Kellyville, Australia, wishes, dreams

New Year Wishes

The new year brings with it the promises of health, prosperity and love. All the resolutions we make have basically to do with these outcomes. Everything is possible as long as we remember that we need to visualise the goal and then become proactive in achieving that dream, affirming our ability to do so as we go along.

another new year
with the promises of
health, prosperity and love
and it’s all up to me to
visualise my dream clearly
plan how I will achieve it
then finally affirming each day that
I can do it, I can do it, I can do it
as I carry out the action to
realise the dream