Feelings of Deprivation

All you need is, photo by Sam LeVan, Philadelphia, United States, best therapyParents and teachers have the important role of setting limits for children. However, some people forget to be loving and are too strict in this role. This causes feelings of deprivation in children which influence them negatively all their lives. Deprivation is one of the basic symptoms of addiction. Addicted people try to feed the feelings of deprivation by rewarding themselves to excess. This leads to lack of self discipline and they are compelled to keep rewarding themselves to their own detriment. The solution is to find a method that resolves the deprivation experienced and creates feelings of love. This varies with the individual but it can be done successfully with or without therapy. Self help groups are a loving fellowship and play an important healing role in this process.

whenever I promised myself to eat healthy and avoid
what’s unhealthy for my diabetes and weight gain
all the good intentions kept failing!
overcome by the strongest feelings of deprivation
my resolve weakened which led to
eating something not on my food plan but
I remembered how I mastered my nicotine addiction with
18yrs of abstinence, freedom from chain smoking now
but that feeling of rewarding myself no matter how
short lived was connected to the amount of strictness
I experienced as a child and I was in touch with that so
when I gave in it was like rewarding the crying child inside
then I found a food plan for Carbohydrate Addicts and
my feelings of deprivation and cravings were resolved
what’s more I feel loved and normal while losing weight
my diabetes blood sugar count is lowering steadily

All you need is, photo by Sam LeVan, Philadelphia, United States, best therapy

Maintain vigilance

Owl eyes, photo by Kristof Degreef, Nieuwerkerken, Belgium, nothing missedOne human weakness is the need to stop doing what works when things are going well. Usually people who have found their sanity by taking the relevant medication will, against medical advice, stop taking the medication when they feel well, with horrendous consequences. Others will find solutions to their problems through counselling and once the situation improves they stop doing what was necessary to achieve the results, again with horrendous consequences. We need to keep vigilant about unacceptable changes in our wellbeing and once we find solutions then also maintain vigilance to ensure that improvements are not lost.

the last time I saw them they had after a few sessions
resolved their difficulties and made a checklist of what
they had done to sort things out so that they could
continue what worked and maintain the improvement
intelligent, successful, people meant commitment to
the system for success, or so you’d think
why should they be any different to the rest of us
a human frailty is becoming overconfident
and stopping what works
it can happen to me too if I don’t maintain
the vigilance and even then I am prone!
a year later they were back almost ready to divorce and
full of resentment, anger, defensiveness and vengeance
they had time to each tell their version of the problem
having expressed themselves we looked at their checklist
maybe one or two items had been maintained
but the rest had been grossly neglected
although it seemed hopeless we began again
and bit by bit things got turned around
after a few sessions they were back on track
back to basics always works yet we have
a tendency to complicate things

9/11 tragedy

clouds, photo by Simona Dumitru, Paris,  France, sorrow griefEvery year we are reminded of the 9/11 tragedy in the USA. It is so painful to think of how much everyone suffered, while we watched from our end of the world safe and sound.? What amazes me is how come the strongest nation in the world has not be able to catch the perpetrators who originated the plan to kill so many innocent people.? Of course, we are not safe here unless we prepare for the worst.? Nevertheless, peace needs to be our first priority.

peace will bring us happiness
not without remembering what
has happened in the past
lest we forget all those
who have died for us

Double standards

Angela commented on my post on infidelity

“Others yet believe that infidelity is OK for them. They will justify and rationalise it and will be willing to murder (literally and metaphorically) their partner if the latter dares do the same. What sort of people are these? And to add insult to injury they will moralise and talk about values in public!”

Angela, it is one thing to have infidelity as a mutual relationship choice and another to behave in the dysfunctional manner which you describe. To even consider murdering for any reason is indicative of a person’s mental instability.

Furthermore, those people who practise infidelity and expect their partner to be monogamous have double standards. That is definitely not the concept I was describing as part of an open marriage. Not very many people have the emotional maturity to live in a truly open marriage without double standards and that is why the majority of couples choose to place fidelity as the foundation of their relationship.

Lovers, photo by sundar Chinnusamy, Erode, India, unconditional loveAgain whether they succeed in having a monogamous relationship or an open one, it depends on their emotional maturity and commitment to the choice they have made.

Loneliness and despair

lonesome photo by Dawn Allynn Tijerus USA www.dawnallynn.com despair painQuite often we overlook the pain men go through when their relationships go sour. This happens in the same way it does for women. However, women are more likely to share their distress whereas usually men are not so transparent. Some turn to drugs and give up on happiness. Loneliness and despair set in. They? isolate to deal with the loss and hurt. Nevertheless, the majority are survivers and in time they get to stand up and face Life again.

how bewildered he was when his partner left
what had gone wrong? He thought they were happy
was he not listening, should he have noticed more?
why didn’t anyone tell him? Maybe he could have
done something to save their love before it was too late
the alcohol and drugs ease the pain but
he still wakes up to the loneliness and despair
as he realises it’s over his mind plays tricks on him
is it really over? holding on to that empty wish
he reaches for the bottle!

Don’t give up on love

Love photo by Ann-Kathrin Rehse, Göttingen, Germany happinessLove is our own emotion to do with as we please. We feel it for someone or we stop feeling that way. It is good when we love someone and it is painful when they stop loving us but they don’t take away the ability for us to love. It just causes us to withdraw for a while to heal our love wounds. Don’t give up on love when that happens because in time love blooms again and a powerful lesson is learnt too.

he loved her more than life itself
and would do anything for her to be happy
nevertheless it was not enough and she
left him stranded with the kids, toddlers at that!
then she returned only to leave again
this time with another in the middle of the night
she took one child and left the other
he was a good father as a sole parent
but he used to say “one life, one love”
and I would say “don’t give up on love”
one day he fell in love again
and how great it was to see his happiness

New Year Wishes

The new year brings with it the promises of health, prosperity and love. All the resolutions we make have basically to do with these outcomes. Everything is possible as long as we remember that we need to visualise the goal and then become proactive in achieving that dream, affirming our ability to do so as we go along.

another new year
with the promises of
health, prosperity and love
and it’s all up to me to
visualise my dream clearly
plan how I will achieve it
then finally affirming each day that
I can do it, I can do it, I can do it
as I carry out the action to
realise the dream