recovery – Page 3 – Dr Affie Adagio

Touch to stay alive

Without touch babies have been known to die, that’s why attachment in the early years of childhood is so important. We need touch to stay alive. To touch and be touched is the necessity of life. That’s why one of the methods of torture or punishment has been isolation, it can make a person go crazy. It is important to teach children from a young age that sulking (withdrawal) is counter-productive to having their needs and wants met. Communicating what they are feeling is vital to their own wellbeing and future relationship development.

they argued constantly
from early morning and then
when he came home from work
late into the night
sometimes they wouldn’t talk for days
sulking so badly that you could
cut the air with a knife, so to speak
I often wondered how they managed
to get through the day in such an
atmosphere of bitterness and misery
with no touching
then after 13 years they divorced
and took their dysfunctional behaviour
to their new separate relationships
which did not last long either
we need touch to stay alive
in more ways than one

Sorrow

Sorrow has its place in our repertoire of emotions. It helps us to appreciate happiness and all other feelgoods. Sorrow also lets us express tension and other pressures because it is a safety valve for stress. Nevertheless, it is an emotion that can be a nuisance, because sometimes it appears when we do not wish to show sorrow, quite out of the blue. It does, however, cause us to stop and observe what is happening inside us. This makes us more self-aware and thereby more healthy.

I received good news about a matter
which had caused me great concern
all day I felt light hearted and happy
then out of the blue I was overcome
with sorrow, such sadness!
as I wondered where this came from
I remembered that sometimes for me
after I am relieved of serious stress
I experience happiness followed by
momentary sorrow and sadness
more like a delayed shock that
I need to acknowledge and process
something I had not allowed myself to
truly feel when I was stressed

Meditation

Whether recovering from addictions, emotional and physical burnout or any other disorder, one of the more effective tools for healing is meditation. Meditation can accompany many different activities such as sitting still and meditating, or yoga meditation, dance meditation, music meditation, chanting meditation, art meditation (drawing, painting, sketching) and even work meditation. Whatever places us in a quiet space where we do not think, in other words we clear our minds of the chatter and busy thoughts. This process centers and grounds us so that we are able to think clearly and take care of our own needs better. Search for whatever takes you into that meditative state and you will know bliss.

I had known of the benefit of meditation
for our wellbeing but whenever
I tried to meditate I would either
fall asleep or do ‘head miles’ about
whatever came into my mind
then one day I stumbled across
fine point abstract sketching and
I discovered the bliss of meditation
1,000 sketches later I still enjoy
the process of my mind hooked in
to every stroke I make whilst
thinking of absolutely nothing and
feeling the amazing thrill of that
state of bliss from being without
any thoughts whatsoever
in that moment in time

Dance in sunset, photo by Sara Hammarback, Stockholm, Sweden, bliss, peace

Cravings

The most obvious symptoms of addiction are cravings. They compel us to pick up our drug of choice regardless of the harm to our health and wellbeing. Cravings result from a biological condition which then fuels dysfunctional behaviours. These behaviours are unbelievably difficult to overcome. Nevertheless, recovery can be achieved. The first step is to identify the problem and admit to it. The next step is to seek professional assistance and join a supportive self help group. Usually that process means becoming committed to a recovery program which makes life more manageable. However, should the cravings persist then it means that we need to reassess what we are doing and find a plan within the program that is more workable. Then freedom from cravings becomes a reality.

I have been on a journey of recovery for many years
fortunately I have found freedom from nicotine addiction
eighteen years free from chain smoking
but the compulsive overeating has resulted in
yoyo dieting, weight gain and loss and gain
with torturous overpowering cravings
then I developed type 2 diabetes
and the cravings worsened
I went into therapy and joined
a self help group which gave me hope
cause I knew that attending the meetings
would eventually set me free of the cravings
practice makes perfect they say
and it did because I became ready
to find a food plan that would work for me
I found a book by the Hellers about Carb Addicts
and found my freedom from cravings
I’ll write more about this later

Food Addiction has triggers too

In all addictions, there are triggers which hook in the compulsion. Food addiction has triggers too. Triggers involve people, places and things which result in the food addict being driven to the very thing that they are trying to abstain from. ‘people‘ refers to those who have dysfunctional behaviour and affect us negatively. ‘places‘ are those which we need to avoid because of the temptation presented. ‘things‘ can be carbohydrates such as flour and sugar, which are poison to the food addict (one is too many, a hundred’s not enough). Then there’s the HALTS – hungry, angry, lonely, tired and serious – the states which are triggers for using feel-goods.

she had come to see me about the insanity
that overeating was causing her and
how she had tried everything!
belonging to a weight loss club
which had worked in the beginning,
special weight loss programs
which involved everything from
juice fasting to food replacement shakes
even nutritionally balanced diets
and yet all these worked temporarily
only to put on more weight than that lost!
we discussed her successful skills in business
and her unhappy experiences in life
she came to understand the meaning of addiction
and that food addiction has triggers too
that was the beginning of her recovery

New beginnings

When relationships end, either by death or divorce, part of the growth process is how we make new beginnings. We complete our grieving and only then can we accept that it’s over. Some decide to spend time alone to recover from their loss, while others search for a new relationship. Nevertheless, Life goes on and so do we, that’s the way it should be.

every other time he had gone after her
this time he waited for her to come back on her own
and she didn’t!
so he licked his emotional wounds and
got back up from the depths of his depression
“Life goes on” someone had said
and now it was the best thought
as he considered new beginnings
the future was more promising
last time I saw him he was smiling and his life
was so much brighter now
behold, photo by Arjun Chennu, Chennai, India, http://arjmage.blogspot.com

Passive Aggression

We all get angry but different people have different ways of behaving when they get angry. Some shout and others express themselves appropriately without throwing a tantrum. Then again there are those whose response is minimal but deep inside there is turmoil, so they withdraw. Nevertheless their behaviour shows they are unhappy and it is tense around them. That’s what is commonly known as passive aggression and not very helpful in a relationship. It is better for them and others that they at least attempt to express their feelings maturely rather than hold them inside which causes ill health, just as acting out angry behaviour aggressively also does.

for a long time she kept quiet when she was angry
that’s the way it had always been for her but
she had not realised that it was written on her face
all the frustration, the hurt and the pain
brought about by that anger
however it did not help in the long run even though she
had become good at passive aggression
as she practised a healthier way of communicating
she became more loveable and happier
only now and then she slipped back to the old ways
but at least nowadays it was for a shorter time because
she knew that it was so obviously
immature and unhealthy

Happy times again

Happy Happy Joy Joy photo by Tom de Bruin, Binfield UK

Life has ups and downs. Happiness brightens our days and then out of the blue come problems and pain which don’t seem to want to go away, and that darkens our days. Then we hope that the light at the end of the tunnel is sunshine and not an oncoming train. Eventually there are happy times again with sunlight and joy. We wonder why we felt it was so hopeless when this happens over and over throughout Life – and that is normal.

his eyes were happy and his smile was wide
he had happy times again
together we remembered how miserable
his life had been recently which had given him
the look of a victim, a miserable man
everything he touched turned sour until
things changed and he was back to his old
successful ways full of luck and happiness

Befriending negative feelings

Some people think that we need to rid ourselves of negative feelings when in actual fact that would only result in pushing them down into the pressure cooker of our inner world. This will result in a volcanic eruption when we least expect it. More useful is befriending negative feelings and realising that they are valuable to us when we reframe them for a positive outcome.

negative feelings can be frightening
and she tried to bury them
feelings of anger, self pity, resentment
until someone pointed out that
befriending negative feelings turns them
into fuel for living a full happy life
they call that reframing the negative into a positive!
much better than when she used up all that energy
to bury them and they explode unexpectedly as well!

gasp as you photo by Kristen Handfield Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada http://sassmuffin.deviantart.com/

An Attitude of Gratitude

When we adopt an attitude of gratitude it helps us to free ourselves of resentful feelings and self-pity. It is so easy to get stuck in negativity unless we become grateful for what is positive in our lives. Then reality becomes more balanced and we enjoy a state of relative happiness.

I was grumpy about not being able to achieve
the ultimate goal I had made for losing weight
which is necessary for my health
then I thought hard about what I did achieve
and remembered that I no longer had
uncontrollable cravings
I had attended a self-help program regularly
and also checked in with my mentor often
indeed I had made much improvement
and what’s more had lost weight
an attitude of gratitude filled me then and
happiness moved in to soothe my pain