May 2006 – Dr Affie Adagio

Loneliness and despair

Quite often we overlook the pain men go through when their relationships go sour. This happens in the same way it does for women. However, women are more likely to share their distress whereas usually men are not so transparent. Some turn to drugs and give up on happiness. Loneliness and despair set in. They? isolate to deal with the loss and hurt. Nevertheless, the majority are survivers and in time they get to stand up and face Life again.

how bewildered he was when his partner left
what had gone wrong? He thought they were happy
was he not listening, should he have noticed more?
why didn’t anyone tell him? Maybe he could have
done something to save their love before it was too late
the alcohol and drugs ease the pain but
he still wakes up to the loneliness and despair
as he realises it’s over his mind plays tricks on him
is it really over? holding on to that empty wish
he reaches for the bottle!

Happy times again

Happy Happy Joy Joy photo by Tom de Bruin, Binfield UK

Life has ups and downs. Happiness brightens our days and then out of the blue come problems and pain which don’t seem to want to go away, and that darkens our days. Then we hope that the light at the end of the tunnel is sunshine and not an oncoming train. Eventually there are happy times again with sunlight and joy. We wonder why we felt it was so hopeless when this happens over and over throughout Life – and that is normal.

his eyes were happy and his smile was wide
he had happy times again
together we remembered how miserable
his life had been recently which had given him
the look of a victim, a miserable man
everything he touched turned sour until
things changed and he was back to his old
successful ways full of luck and happiness

Don’t give up on love

Love is our own emotion to do with as we please. We feel it for someone or we stop feeling that way. It is good when we love someone and it is painful when they stop loving us but they don’t take away the ability for us to love. It just causes us to withdraw for a while to heal our love wounds. Don’t give up on love when that happens because in time love blooms again and a powerful lesson is learnt too.

he loved her more than life itself
and would do anything for her to be happy
nevertheless it was not enough and she
left him stranded with the kids, toddlers at that!
then she returned only to leave again
this time with another in the middle of the night
she took one child and left the other
he was a good father as a sole parent
but he used to say “one life, one love”
and I would say “don’t give up on love”
one day he fell in love again
and how great it was to see his happiness

Friendship

Friendship is one of Life’s most valuable experiences. Whether it’s between friends or lovers, friendship is the basis of being soulmates and finding happiness. We enjoy being with our friends. They are there for us when we need them and we, in turn, try to do likewise. Furthermore, a loving relationship based on friendship has a better chance of being fulfilling and lasting.

I sat in a meeting and he shared that he knew
many people but did not have close friends
I was stunned at how profound that was
because it applied to me also
so I made a decision to leave myself open to
strengthening friendships with peers and
as the year passed I had a handful of
close friends – soulmates
friendship is so important to
having happiness in my Life

how

Happy and free

Human beings are meant to be happy and free. This can be achieved and maintained through keeping life simple and healthy. Making choices that are good for us can be relatively easy when we know what our needs and wants are and deciding the order of importance these are to us. Otherwise life becomes stressful and that is life threatening. Back to basics, we need to go and identify how to go about doing that which makes us happy and free.

I got the buzz out of achieving some things
excited and proud I did more and more
if only there were more hours in the day!
that’s when my alarm bell rang
how easy it is to get out of touch with what
is really important for me
in order to be happy and free
I have to get back to basics, keep things simple
or else the stress demon raises its
ugly head and before I know it
I am running around in circles!

Happy Couple photo by Alberto Camin Brazil

Become a Celebrant Update

I have updated the How to Become a Marriage Celebrant info page with the latest information from the Attorney General’s Department

A dysfunctional relationship is a tragedy

Living in a relationship that is unhappy can lead to sickness. Some people sacrifice themselves for the sake of appearances and their children. They think that it is better to stay in the relationship than to break up a family. However, what they don’t realise is that staying in a dysfunctional relationship is a tragedy for the children and all concerned. This only provides an example of how miserable life can be and that we have to put up with it. It is far better that counselling be sought in an attempt to improve things or failing that believing that a fresh start can bring a better life.

she cried as she told me her tragic story
of domestic violence and misery
the fear for her children’s future
was another side to it and
in response to my suggestion that
should she want to move on there are
refuges for the safety of women like her
she stared me straight in the face and
told me that she couldn’t bear the
thought of breaking up her family
“what would people say?”
I wondered what tragedy would be the
outcome of this dysfunctional relationship

Feedback from the Life Strategies Workshop

I’d like to share with you feedback from my Life Strategies Workshop of 30th April…

insightful and useful afternoon
very relaxing and non threatening atmosphere
sharing with like-minded seekers
enjoyable and relaxing
interesting
a great experience
positive and creative

As the Life Coach for this session I designed and facilitated an activity which focussed on finding your passion and removing any obstacles. This proved to be inspiring as well as loaded with fun.

Think about it, what are you doing to find your passion? What’s stopping you from achieving your passion?

Befriending negative feelings

Some people think that we need to rid ourselves of negative feelings when in actual fact that would only result in pushing them down into the pressure cooker of our inner world. This will result in a volcanic eruption when we least expect it. More useful is befriending negative feelings and realising that they are valuable to us when we reframe them for a positive outcome.

negative feelings can be frightening
and she tried to bury them
feelings of anger, self pity, resentment
until someone pointed out that
befriending negative feelings turns them
into fuel for living a full happy life
they call that reframing the negative into a positive!
much better than when she used up all that energy
to bury them and they explode unexpectedly as well!

gasp as you photo by Kristen Handfield Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada http://sassmuffin.deviantart.com/

Breaking up is the only option

When love turns sour a relationship can be hell. There are ways to rectify that. We can talk about the problems and be willing to find resolutions or we can seek professional assistance. We do not hesitate to see an accountant or a builder as needed, therefore, seeing a relationship counsellor is just as reasonable. That way we know that we have done everything possible until breaking up is the only option. Just suffering and doing nothing it about should not be an option.

she said “let’s talk” and he avoided doing that
time passed and they distanced, as happens
when there’s no intimate communication
then she said “I’m leaving you unless we see a counsellor”
“we can sort it out ourselves” he replied
she loved him so she gave in
ten months later they parted amicably
eighteen years later she wondered whether
she should have insisted that they seek help
so breaking up is the only option

Breaking up photo by David Peter Hansen, Copenhagen, Denmark, http://dave.dk/