Affie Adagio – Page 28 – Dr Affie Adagio

Nothing stays the same

Life is sometimes fun, sometimes difficult, sometimes easy, and above all fulfilling when we make choices that are beneficial for ourselves and for those we have dealings with. The times that we feel devastated can soon be matched by the moments of bliss that come just as unexpectedly. What makes the difference? Life is a force of it’s own and no matter what happens regardless of the ups and downs of living…Life goes on. It is important to remember that nothing stays the same. When things are bad it’s best to remember that the situation will improve and when things are good it’s also necessary to remember that things can change so be prepared.

as things improved she tried
to make a mental note of this
so that next time things looked bad
it would be more hopeful to
think that there was a light
at the end of the tunnel which
was not an oncoming train
and she also made a mental note of
enjoying the moment whilst she had it
cause nothing stays the same
so it’s best to be prepared for
the ups and downs of Life

Roller Coaster Series 3, photo by Marc Gerardi, Nth Eastern United States, ups and downs

Parents

Parents can improve or damage a child’s ability to relate healthily. It’s not easy to bring up children. First, our own self esteem needs to be well developed to cope with their phases of transition and testing the limits. Our own moods and behaviour are also mirrored by them and this is sometimes not a pleasant experience, especially when we are in denial about our own behaviour. On the positive side, when children grown up relatively well adjusted and happy, their parents can take the credit for a job well done.

yesterday, my father died 44 years ago
I was 18 years old and his nurturing but firm
parenting skills left me well prepared for Life
thank goodness because
my mother’s behaviour towards me
left me somewhat confused
when she walked out I was 8 years old
and from then on he was both my
father and mother for the next 10 years
creating a safe environment where I learnt much
from his way of thinking and used that method
in the childrearing practices for my own children
also in the way I relate with my grandchildren
this has rippled out to my work as a family therapist
all this from a gentle man with a sense of humour
who valued being a caring parent
I remember him well

Cravings

The most obvious symptoms of addiction are cravings. They compel us to pick up our drug of choice regardless of the harm to our health and wellbeing. Cravings result from a biological condition which then fuels dysfunctional behaviours. These behaviours are unbelievably difficult to overcome. Nevertheless, recovery can be achieved. The first step is to identify the problem and admit to it. The next step is to seek professional assistance and join a supportive self help group. Usually that process means becoming committed to a recovery program which makes life more manageable. However, should the cravings persist then it means that we need to reassess what we are doing and find a plan within the program that is more workable. Then freedom from cravings becomes a reality.

I have been on a journey of recovery for many years
fortunately I have found freedom from nicotine addiction
eighteen years free from chain smoking
but the compulsive overeating has resulted in
yoyo dieting, weight gain and loss and gain
with torturous overpowering cravings
then I developed type 2 diabetes
and the cravings worsened
I went into therapy and joined
a self help group which gave me hope
cause I knew that attending the meetings
would eventually set me free of the cravings
practice makes perfect they say
and it did because I became ready
to find a food plan that would work for me
I found a book by the Hellers about Carb Addicts
and found my freedom from cravings
I’ll write more about this later

“Where’s your passion?”

Life can sometimes pass us by so quickly that we wonder where it went. To avoid this happening too often we need to meditate more regularly to help us relax.? We also need to think about what we are doing and how that relates to our passion. Trigger off that thinking by asking “where’s your passion?” It’s amazing what thought processes and plans that question can ignite.

he thought about his plans
and found that he had got
bogged down!
and then I asked him
“where’s your passion?”
so he meditated and
then searched for the
answer to that question
and the rest was easy as he
became inspired and
flew over the procrastination

Planning a Wedding

Being in love is a beautiful experience. Many people know what comes next without any doubts, that is, planning a wedding. Usually both put their hearts and heads together and decide where they would like to celebrate this important event. You can even turn to a wedding planner who will do the practical work for you. Others cannot afford this so they use the internet to explore ideas. The whole process can be exciting as you research and make decisions about your celebration. Will it be on a boat, at the steps of the Opera House, on a wharf there, in a park, or in your own backyard? As a celebrant I have been a part of several memorable ceremonies.

being a wedding planner is not the role
of a marriage celebrant but we can
inspire ideas for the couple to explore
as can be seen in my page on
weddings, marriage celebrant
showing where I have conducted weddings
on the beach, in the mountains, in a reception centre
in the Royal Botanic Gardens, in Centennial Park
and so on

A white-knuckling recovery

It’s great to come into recovery from addiction. It means freedom from being compelled to do things we don’t want to do anymore. Such things which are harmful to us. Addiction recovery means serenity and peace of mind. However, there are some of us who experience a white-knuckling recovery – sometimes called a dry drunk. This means struggling with the demon of addiction. The only hope is to persist in the search for serenity and recovery will then be true freedom from compulsion.

they would ask me
why was it so hard to find
serenity in their recovery?
it felt like no matter what they did
it was a white-knuckling recovery!
I explained that for some
making the decision to be in recovery
is a smooth transition from insanity to sanity
and for others it is somewhat harder
but for all, the best outcome is to
persevere by sticking to the program
and eventually it works out – serenity
and that’s how it’s also sustained

Infidelity

Some people believe in open marriages, where each person is entitled to have sexual experiences with others providing that there is honesty about it with the primary partner. Others cannot live with the thought of infidelity in their relationship. They believe that a loving relationship means being faithful to one another to the exclusion of others.? Whatever we believe in, it only works if we are totally committed and happy with that particular way of thinking.

they wanted to avoid
anything contaminating their love
trust was their strongest asset
so their commitment to an open marriage
was supposed to keep honesty alive
others said that meant they were
committed to infidelity!
so they decided to have a
monogamous relationship
either way love and happiness
comes from living what you
believe to be best

Being caring and loving

When children are young, parents have the responsibility of being caring and loving. Also setting limits is important so that they may learn to be self-disciplined as required. A fine balance is needed between being firm and being too strict, because anything too extreme will impair their relationship skills. As role models we show them how to live life fully and with happiness. Love, fun and being responsible will help them to survive Life’s ups and downs. Then comes the time when parents need to stand back and let them make the choices they want. That is sometimes the hardest part of being a parent. Especially when the parent is on the receiving end of an unpleasant decision. Nevertheless it is an art for the parent ‘to know when to play and know when to walk away’, emotionally, that is. That’s because it is always best to remember that they are now adults and parents need to lead by example to maintain a loving relationship.

as the mother spoke about her doings and plans
her daughter expressed her frustrations about this
as their interaction became strained
it was obvious there had been a misunderstanding
but fortunately they were able to change
by being caring and loving
and then the problem was resolved
as they parted on good terms
each one was more aware of
the other’s expectations and needs

Wedding plans

Two lovers making their wedding plans experience not only the high of being in love but also the excitement of organising their special day. It has to be just the way they have envisaged. For these people it was important that their wedding take place as close to the beach as possible. The reception house sat on the golden sands of the beach, partly under the shade of some trees. So the guests came in their finery and yet some wore smart casual, and all fit in nicely. After the ceremony the bridal party had photos taken on the beach. Then went into the function centre where they ate a delicious meal and enjoyed the touching speeches, some filled with humour. This is one way of creating the event you have dreamed about with the celebrant of your choice.

as they made their wedding vows
the weather was perfect
the sun was shining as
the waves crashed onto the sand
seagulls sang and in the distance
faint laughter could be heard
surely this is the best way that
wedding plans can be made
everyone felt the love in the air
of the new husband and wife
and when we think of them
we remember that wonderful day

Food Addiction has triggers too

In all addictions, there are triggers which hook in the compulsion. Food addiction has triggers too. Triggers involve people, places and things which result in the food addict being driven to the very thing that they are trying to abstain from. ‘people‘ refers to those who have dysfunctional behaviour and affect us negatively. ‘places‘ are those which we need to avoid because of the temptation presented. ‘things‘ can be carbohydrates such as flour and sugar, which are poison to the food addict (one is too many, a hundred’s not enough). Then there’s the HALTS – hungry, angry, lonely, tired and serious – the states which are triggers for using feel-goods.

she had come to see me about the insanity
that overeating was causing her and
how she had tried everything!
belonging to a weight loss club
which had worked in the beginning,
special weight loss programs
which involved everything from
juice fasting to food replacement shakes
even nutritionally balanced diets
and yet all these worked temporarily
only to put on more weight than that lost!
we discussed her successful skills in business
and her unhappy experiences in life
she came to understand the meaning of addiction
and that food addiction has triggers too
that was the beginning of her recovery