I have updated the How to Become a Marriage Celebrant info page with the latest information from the Attorney General’s Department
Author: Affie Adagio
A dysfunctional relationship is a tragedy
Living in a relationship that is unhappy can lead to sickness. Some people sacrifice themselves for the sake of appearances and their children. They think that it is better to stay in the relationship than to break up a family. However, what they don’t realise is that staying in a dysfunctional relationship is a tragedy for the children and all concerned. This only provides an example of how miserable life can be and that we have to put up with it. It is far better that counselling be sought in an attempt to improve things or failing that believing that a fresh start can bring a better life.
she cried as she told me her tragic story
of domestic violence and misery
the fear for her children’s future
was another side to it and
in response to my suggestion that
should she want to move on there are
refuges for the safety of women like her
she stared me straight in the face and
told me that she couldn’t bear the
thought of breaking up her family
“what would people say?”
I wondered what tragedy would be the
outcome of this dysfunctional relationship
Feedback from the Life Strategies Workshop
I’d like to share with you feedback from my Life Strategies Workshop of 30th April…
- insightful and useful afternoon
- very relaxing and non threatening atmosphere
- sharing with like-minded seekers
- enjoyable and relaxing
- interesting
- a great experience
- positive and creative
As the Life Coach for this session I designed and facilitated an activity which focussed on finding your passion and removing any obstacles. This proved to be inspiring as well as loaded with fun.
Think about it, what are you doing to find your passion? What’s stopping you from achieving your passion?
Befriending negative feelings
Some people think that we need to rid ourselves of negative feelings when in actual fact that would only result in pushing them down into the pressure cooker of our inner world. This will result in a volcanic eruption when we least expect it. More useful is befriending negative feelings and realising that they are valuable to us when we reframe them for a positive outcome.
negative feelings can be frightening
and she tried to bury them
feelings of anger, self pity, resentment
until someone pointed out that
befriending negative feelings turns them
into fuel for living a full happy life
they call that reframing the negative into a positive!
much better than when she used up all that energy
to bury them and they explode unexpectedly as well!
gasp as you photo by Kristen Handfield Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada http://sassmuffin.deviantart.com/
Breaking up is the only option
When love turns sour a relationship can be hell. There are ways to rectify that. We can talk about the problems and be willing to find resolutions or we can seek professional assistance. We do not hesitate to see an accountant or a builder as needed, therefore, seeing a relationship counsellor is just as reasonable. That way we know that we have done everything possible until breaking up is the only option. Just suffering and doing nothing it about should not be an option.
she said “let’s talk” and he avoided doing that
time passed and they distanced, as happens
when there’s no intimate communication
then she said “I’m leaving you unless we see a counsellor”
“we can sort it out ourselves” he replied
she loved him so she gave in
ten months later they parted amicably
eighteen years later she wondered whether
she should have insisted that they seek help
so breaking up is the only option
Breaking up photo by David Peter Hansen, Copenhagen, Denmark, http://dave.dk/
Marriage enhanced by the Opera House
So many people enjoy the opportunity to get married with the Opera House in the background. That makes such a beautiful picture – marriage enhanced by the Opera House. The most important celebration of a couple’s life deserves one of the best backgrounds in the world. Check out the truly beautiful picture in my Celebrant heading under Info.
Attitude – Choose our words carefully
Stress exists in everyone’s life. However, the best way to deal with it is to relax as we interact with others and make sure that we communicate our needs clearly. In other words choose our words carefully to get the right attitude. This is of benefit, ultimately, to all parties.
the child was in trouble with his mother and
she composed herself and explained to him
the reason that his behaviour was dangerous
he became annoyed as young children do
nevertheless she persisted and then asked him
if he understood why he was in trouble
he admitted he did but still had a sulk
she then asked him to change his attitude and put a smile
on his face to show that he understood, and he did
when we choose our words carefully the outcome
is productive and rewarding
Misunderstood messages cause anger
Have you noticed how sometimes a message is not received as intended? When misunderstood messages happen then it’s the shared responsibility of the originator and the recipient. The recipient needs to check out what they hear if it causes frustration and anger, then the originator needs to communicate their intended message differently in the second or third attempts. The initial feelings are to lash out in anger when conflict occurs. In an effort to resolve the conflict all parties have the responsibility to put the effort into transforming that conflict to agreement or at least an understanding of the interaction intended.
woke up from my afternoon nap very rested
I needed to share something with you by phone
much to my amazement it annoyed you
and your voice sounded harsh as you
expressed your frustration!
it felt like a slap across the face to me
we did this unpleasant verbal dance for a while
then I remembered that misunderstood messages are
communication gone wrong
so I let go of my anger otherwise it could get nasty
and instead took responsibility for not expressing
the intended message accurately
a calmness overcame me and
our conversation ended amicably
Steep learning curve
No matter what age, we can have experiences that are new to us and we often go through a steep learning curve over and over. The idea is to realise that this can be a challenge and to hang in there till the lesson is learned.
as a youngster I wanted a bike and
my father agreed on the condition that
I learned to ride his bike first
to show my commitment!it was exciting and frightening
but after falling off many times
it all came together for meand on my own bike
I even rode expertly
doing things like wheelies
and riding without
holding the handlebarswhat a steep learning curve
but a worthwhile reward
which I often use as an example
to get me through the difficulties
of, say, developing my website skills!
Biological reasons for taking medication
Sometimes people have lives which are stable and fulfilling because they have accepted that they have biological reasons for taking medication. The worst that can happen is when others who believe in life without medication try to influence the community to do likewise. This can be life threatening to many who depend on medication for a healthy lifestyle.
do not try to impose your viewpoint that
I should live my life without medication
as I may have biological reasons for
taking medication and my choices are
well informed and this is my decision
which I need you to respect