Category: Life Strategies

Tools of Serenity

We underestimate the benefit of the tools of serenity. That is, reading literature that promotes self awareness; writing about our feelings and innermost thoughts; meeting with like-minded people who are determined to live healthy; eating and drinking healthy; gentle exercise; and regular affirmations.

My six year old granddaughter
asked me for paper and pen to
pass the time away while her sister
was training for basketball
so I stopped my writing after a while
and handed her some paper and the pen
she wrote and wrote mesmerised
and I asked her what she was saying
she replied that she was writing about what had
happened at school and at home that made her unhappy
after a while she said there was nothing more to write
so I mentioned that perhaps she could write about how
she feels now that she has written all this
so she wrote that she felt happy
four small pages – one example of the tools of serenity

An Attitude of Gratitude

When we adopt an attitude of gratitude it helps us to free ourselves of resentful feelings and self-pity. It is so easy to get stuck in negativity unless we become grateful for what is positive in our lives. Then reality becomes more balanced and we enjoy a state of relative happiness.

I was grumpy about not being able to achieve
the ultimate goal I had made for losing weight
which is necessary for my health
then I thought hard about what I did achieve
and remembered that I no longer had
uncontrollable cravings
I had attended a self-help program regularly
and also checked in with my mentor often
indeed I had made much improvement
and what’s more had lost weight
an attitude of gratitude filled me then and
happiness moved in to soothe my pain

Sarcasm

When we are feeling resentful or insecure, quite often we use sarcasm to communicate, thinking that we are being witty in our interactions and hoping that the recipient will nurture us in our time of need. Then when they respond with disrespect we are surprised and the resentment festers. We need to always be aware that sarcasm can only bring us unhappiness in one way or another.

as I quipped back at you in what I thought was a humorous manner
because I felt rejected and unloved by you
I certainly did not realise that I was using sarcasm
until someone pointed that out to me and then
I understood why you answered in an equally sarcastic way
I guess I would do better to say to you in future
“I am disappointed that you cannot join me today, better luck next time”
rather than carrying on the way I have done, to ease my hurt
this awareness now makes me feel empowered!

Surrender

Some of the most misunderstood states are surrender, defencelessness and admitting powerlessness over a compulsion (addiction). These states are the vital steps to reaching heights of personal enlightenment. In achieving such states we gain the fulfilment we crave, giving us the serenity to deal with internal and external conflicts.

Surrender means accepting that I am who I am and
need not fight to control challenging behaviour
instead I get smart about how to handle the situation!
defencelessness similarly means I am prepared to
be open to seeing things in a different perspective and
does not mean I have to abandon myself but rather
negotiate for meeting my needs!
admitting powerlessness over my compulsion to do
self sabotaging actions gives me
the ability to hand over my will to experienced others so
that I find recovery and serenity!

And above all friendship

In a loving relationship there are several important elements that maintain its existence. These elements are passion, honesty, respect, communication, security, and above all friendship. Because familiarity breeds contempt, before we respond to our lover or family member we need to get the same attitude we have when we are communicating with a friend. Even when we don’t agree with a friend’s thoughts or behaviour we use our best interpersonal skills trying to resolve the conflict harmoniously. When we clash with a lover or family member, it helps to remember that and do the same.

you are my true love yet there are times that I loathe how
your behaviour annoys me to desperation
and in such cases, sadly, I either fight with you or run away within
holding a visible grudge
if only I could harness the anger and send it
to a more positive place so that it gives me
more passion to achieve my dreams
especially in harmony with you
I certainly stay patient in friendship
otherwise I wouldn’t have friends!
I don’t want to lose you
and we love each other deeply
so, let’s work it out

Affirmations – self hypnosis

When we need to change our own behaviour, to undo negative learning patterns, the most effective way to do it is by affirmations – self hypnosis. Repeating positive messages reprograms the negative tapes which compel us to behave in a certain way.

Affirmations are really another way of carrying out self hypnosis
in other words, repeating over and over the positive message
we wish to achieve in our behaviour
I can do it, I can do it, I can do it!
means I begin to feel as though I truly can
for some the same happens when praying
both methods involve positive repetitive messages
with a lot of faith thrown in

Exercise is vital

Some of us find it anxiety provoking to consider any form of exercise and studies have confirmed that such people are those who are overweight, whether it is hormonal or psychological it matters not. Studies have also proven that sick people have improved with exercise. So exercise is vital for healthy living and can become a positive addiction when we persist.

when we want to be healthy and fit
exercise is vital
it can be walking, dancing, swimming
to name a few, all useful
and need not be daunting nor bewildering
studies have shown that people with illnesses
such as diabetes and heart problems have
shown remarkable improvement with exercise
tomorrow I will start with a little till it becomes a habit
and then I will not be able to do without it

Friends

Having a bunch of close friends, who are loving and non-judgemental, is a good thing in many ways. First, we feel we are not alone. Second, when we need support during happy or sad times these friends are there for us, as we try to be for them. Third having a network of friends makes life worth living.

as I sunk into the depths of unhappiness recently
my friends were there to support me
as we met individually and as a group
things felt much better
and life was worth living
as matters improved and I felt happy again
while still meeting with my friends
I enjoyed the good times
how good to have close friends

Intolerance

When people annoy us it could be because they remind us of a past event or that we see in them what we strive to avoid doing ourselves. Another reason could be our need for perfection which can create havoc in our own lives. Intolerance is a negative feeling and this can eat us up inside. Far better to let go of the intolerance by trying to understand the other person’s behaviour and if it is important enough to help them become aware of it in a caring manner. Ultimately, the final choice of changing that behaviour is their decision and up to us to walk away if we cannot accept it.

as I become annoyed at your selfish behaviour
I stop myself by realising that the intolerance is mine
and as I process this I notice that what I call
your selfish behaviour has more to do with
a personality clash between us
what’s more you are actually doing
what my mother would have slapped me for
as a child if I did that!
strange how that has come back to
haunt me in such a peculiar way

Loneliness

Feeling lonely can be depressing – even when there are loved ones in our lives and worse when we crave for a non-existent lover, a companion. That feeling of loneliness can hook in self pity, sorrow, and sometimes even despair. The main thing to remember is that the feeling of loneliness is part of our repertoire of emotions which makes us passionate human beings – alive and thriving at that. It also prepares us to unite with that special other when the opportunity arises, for if we did not feel the loneliness why else would we want to connect with others.

as I complete some major tasks and then relax
I notice that I am missing something
surrounded by family and friends feels happy
but something is missing and
loneliness raises its ugly head!
I tell it “It’s OK, love is just around the corner
settle down and be prepared or it may pass us by”
feeling chirpy I busy myself once more
nevertheless, reminding myself to be open for love
when it knocks on the door!