love – Page 2 – Dr Affie Adagio

City Christmas decorations

Remembering our history and that we are a country which has its foundation in the Christian faith, means that Christmas has been a huge festive event. Now that our society is multi-cultural it’s important that community education raises awareness to other cultures’ festive days too. Government claiming fairer treatment across all religions and rationalising expenses need not have reduced the city Christmas decorations. Such action is not good for our reputation here and overseas. Even if a portion of the community is secular there still needs to be a splash at Christmas especially in each major city, as in the past. So government funds need to be allocated accordingly.

I met with my family to celebrate Christmas Eve
tomorrow it’s their turn in their own homes and
then at the homes of the other side of the family
as the family grows so do the in-laws!
on the way home we drove through the city
to see the Christmas lights and decorations
even though I am not religious it’s
the time of the year I enjoy because of
its festivities and people’s joy
to our disappointment the city was almost bare
gone were the beautiful decorations at Sydney Town Hall
earlier today some tourists witnessed the
lack of decorations and perhaps this explanation sufficed
that government want to spend the minimum on a
Christian celebration so that the rest of the community
would find it fairer and so that money is not wasted!
then why did government not just increase their spending
for other cultural festivities and continue with the
usual Christmas festival?
government certainly spends a lot more on war, moreso
peaceful festivities warrant a larger chunk of the budget

2 sleeps to go

Children’s favourite words today are “2 sleeps to go” and with that we realise the thrill that goes with the anticipation of Santa’s visit which results in more presents for them to open at Christmas. Life at this time of the year is quite joyful with people busily celebrating the festive season by partying, and shopping for gifts to exchange, regardless of their religion or their socio-economic position. Also around this time of the year, charitable and benevolent organisations increase their activities to raise money for those people in need of financial and emotional support. The spirit of giving such support increases this joyful atmosphere. Watching the joy on children’s faces is another huge reward.

my youngest grandchild left me with the instructions that
I need to remember Santa is bringing me a present only…
if I am nice!
considering she is not quite 4 years old this means I am
going through a huge refresher in humility as I
agree to follow her instructions
nevertheless the confidence she shows in
giving me these instructions gives me
several ‘warm and fuzzies’ which hook in
my inner child and memories of my infancy
with the joy of the festive season and the gifts

Soulmate

Successful relationships can take place between people who are not soulmates. This is because soulmates can sometimes be just good friends. Nevertheless, when a loving relationship involves a lover who is also a soulmate then it is considered by some to be ideal. So if you’re searching for the ideal partner make a list of all the pros and cons of such a person – it is important to show both what you want and what you don’t want in a relationship. In doing that you raise your awareness of the type of person that will suit you best. Everything in life needs a blueprint and likewise relationships do too. Make sure that you are meticulous in making your list and then affirm it by thinking positive about finding your soulmate and life partner.

he had been unlucky in his choice of partners
someone who had appeared to be a soulmate
turned out to be codependent hell
he wanted to stop repeating this mistake
his life coach suggested he make a written list
of the likes and dislikes he had about
a future loving relationship
she said it was a phenomenon that worked
but she stressed that he make sure he
does not leave anything out from the list
he laughed because he thought it stupid
but he did it because she’d been right before
about some important things
not long after he found his wife and soulmate
and ten years later they have a life
he wouldn’t have believed was possible
children, security, love, fun and
above all sanity and serenity

Amor junto al río, photo by Hernan Herrero, Capital Federal, Argentina

Wedding presents

When two people get married, guests share the happy event by giving wedding presents. The size and expense depends on the giver’s budget and their closeness to the couple. Nowadays, in this country, the couple chooses a store where they set up a register and the guests can go and buy whatever items the couple want. The purchasing process is made easier that way and duplications are avoided.

as we discussed their wedding plans
the bride mentioned that they had
even chosen the store for the register
and it was one which had a variety of prices
so that the wedding presents could even
be bought for a reasonable price
this was especially good because their guests
varied in financial circumstances so that
some could afford expensive presents
and others could not
this was a smart choice

Soulmates or love addiction?

There is a fine line between having a loving relationship and love addiction. A loving relationship involves soulmates having a fulfilling life based on like-minded friendship. Love addiction is a relationship that brings extreme highs and lows with unmanageablity as the distinctive characteristic which gets progressively worse. Soulmates or love addiction, which will it be for you?

he had experienced great unhappiness
and yet mad passionate love with her
he was finally free of that madness
and it hadn’t been easy to achieve!
in therapy he tried to understand
why he felt disinterested with his new love
and yet he knew he loved her deeply
it took a while for him to realise
that he needed to adjust to the reality of love
in other words: soulmates or love addiction?
he finally understood the difference
and since then his life has been
what he’s always hoped for and yet
thought he’d never have
together with serenity at last
as well as three adorable young children to love

Reincarnation

Some people believe in reincarnation and that the knowledge from past lives is in the unconscious mind to surface as wisdom beyond a person’s years. Others believe that such a notion is simply a belief in the supernatural which is unscientific. Then again I am more inclined to believe the notion that as we evolve as human beings, to a certain extent we inherit the thought processes experienced in previous generations. It is interesting how different notions attract different believers. Whatever we believe in, the main thing is that as long as it helps us treat others appropriately then we will avoid using crutches (addictions) to live our lives.

sometimes my grandchildren
who are all under 12 years of age
say the most amazing things
for their age, that is
and I wonder where all
that wisdom comes from
I mean – thoughts over and above
what they have learnt from us
a wisdom beyond their years
is it I wonder simply
that we underestimate
children’s way of thinking
just because they are so young?

Intimacy

People need intimacy to feel fulfilled in life. Intimacy means more than just sex. Intimacy means being close enough to someone so that we are able to be honest about our innermost feelings – positive or negative. Intimacy can make us feel blissful and complete. Without intimacy we slip into dishonesty, defensiveness and ego inflation. Although a strength, intimacy can be fearful to contemplate. Sometimes in a relationship we argue because the ‘making up’ process brings back the intimacy that has slipped away.

they were arguing more and more
and came to me to see what was wrong
as we spoke about their life process
it became apparent that they were
both absorbed with their own work
and had little time left for their
relationship enjoyments
and they had not noticed that
this meant there was a lack of
intimacy between them unless
they argued and then ‘made up’
simple but important to know
and rectifiable

Basic wedding format

Weddings, whether formal or not, have a certain essential format. First, the couple need to find a celebrant and make a Notice of Intended Marriage at least 1 month and 1 day before the wedding date. If it is a religious ceremony then a church is the appropriate place. However, if a religious ceremony is not desired then a civil marriage celebrant who is appointed by the Attorney General’s Department is the appropriate person to conduct their wedding. At this initial meeting the wedding vows are considered.

Second, the couple chooses the venue and the type of ceremony required – this can be with some help from the celebrant. For the more detailed arrangements a wedding planner is ideal if the couple can afford it, otherwise, many people have managed without one.

Next to be considered is how many attendants and the outfits and flowers preferred for the bridal party – usually the bride’s choice in consultation with the groom. Sometimes small gifts are offered to the attendants for their participation. At some weddings each guest is given a memento of the occasion such as sugar coated almonds in a hanky, or a fresh flower.

The next decision is whether there will be a reception and where? Also the catering requirements such as a wedding cake – depending on the budget set. Flowers and decorations come into this category as well as entertainment. Sometimes close friends can provide entertainment or carry out readings for the ceremony which can be quite artistic. Usually, a photographer to take the stills or film the celebration can be a friend or a professional can be hired.

Here you have a basic format which can be added to or changed for individual preferences, and which is also an enjoyable process for the bride and groom.

Wedding 1, photo by Marcos Santos, Tatui, Brazil, getting married

Intimacy creates bliss

At the beginning of a relationship we experience bliss. Intimacy creates bliss. Intimacy is the closeness which exists between two people. This closeness is a combination of love, friendship, trust and passion or sexual desire. That’s the honeymoon phase of a relationship – the time when we think alike, understand each other implicitly and find so many similarities that it leaves us feeling amazingly connected. Later on in a relationship we may find that our life experiences have caused us to drift apart or distance from each other. Then in order to rejuvenate the relationship we simply spend some quality time together and that ignites the intimacy we once possessed.

I have seen couples move from
upper limits of intimacy and bliss
when they were madly in love
to losing trust and experiencing
resentment towards each other
becoming ready to separate
but wanting to do everything possible
before the end came
so getting in touch with what brought
them together in the first place
and what caused them to lose that
has often resulted in a turnaround
it is true – intimacy creates bliss
with love back in their eyes once more
these are the small miracles of Life

Wedding plans

Two lovers making their wedding plans experience not only the high of being in love but also the excitement of organising their special day. It has to be just the way they have envisaged. For these people it was important that their wedding take place as close to the beach as possible. The reception house sat on the golden sands of the beach, partly under the shade of some trees. So the guests came in their finery and yet some wore smart casual, and all fit in nicely. After the ceremony the bridal party had photos taken on the beach. Then went into the function centre where they ate a delicious meal and enjoyed the touching speeches, some filled with humour. This is one way of creating the event you have dreamed about with the celebrant of your choice.

as they made their wedding vows
the weather was perfect
the sun was shining as
the waves crashed onto the sand
seagulls sang and in the distance
faint laughter could be heard
surely this is the best way that
wedding plans can be made
everyone felt the love in the air
of the new husband and wife
and when we think of them
we remember that wonderful day